Life In Reverse

“Geez Dad,” I chime in. “I’m sorry. I forgot.”

“Yeah, me too,” Avery admits. “But… how about tomorrow?” Her voice has a cheery lift to it and Dad smiles, his earlier disappointment gone.

“Okay, that sounds like a date.” He rubs his round belly. “Shall we do Thai?”

“Yes!”

Avery and I respond at the same time.

His eyes grow thin, but his lips remain in a curve. “Gee, that’s an awful lot of enthusiasm for Thai food. Anyhow, I… guess I’ll be going then. You two enjoy,” he pauses, sucking on his cheek, “whatever it is you’re doing this evening. Can’t wait to hear all about it tomorrow night.”

We’re quiet until we hear the front door close and then we can’t contain our laughter.

“Oh, God, he knows.” I flop back on my clothes mountain. “I’m certain of it.”

“He knows something,” she agrees. “He just doesn’t know exactly what. Now,” she pulls the dress out from underneath its hiding place, “about this dress.”





MY SMILE IS wide as I hike out of the bookstore, pretty fucking pleased with myself. I don’t know anything about sculpture, but the girl in the art section was more than helpful. Even if she was trying to shove her tits in my face the entire time.

I wanted to do something nice for Ember to let her know I’m thinking about her—about who she is and what she finds important. Again, I don’t understand shit about art but I’m willing to learn.

The parking garage is now packed with cars and it takes some effort to find mine in a sea of black. Once I do, I haul the door open and slide onto the leather seat, setting the wrapped book next to the bouquet of flowers. I’m not really a flowers type of guy, but the pink roses in the shop window made me think of Ember’s cheeks when she smiles.

My hands are clammy, sweat forming in the creases of my palms. It sends me back. I’m thirteen years old again, getting ready to kiss a girl for the first time. Everything with Ember feels like a first for me. I suppose that’s true in many ways.

The digital clock on the dash tells me I’ve got at least an hour before I need to be at Ember’s house. That gives me just enough time to get home and grab a shower.

When I turn down our street, my father’s BMW shines like a beacon in the driveway and I roll my eyes. Of all nights for him to be home, he had to pick this one. But I refuse to let him ruin my mood. Nor am I interested in having a confrontation. With any luck, he’ll be in his office and I can avoid him altogether.

Careful not to make too much noise, I insert the key in the lock then turn the knob with quiet precision. I’m almost to the stairs when I catch a glimpse of Dad slumped back in a chair at the dining room table. He looks like hell. His blue tie is loose around his neck, what appears to be two-day-old stubble sitting on his chin. Eyes that are unfocused stare at a tumbler filled with ice and an amber liquid. A bottle of Johnnie Walker Scotch close by. My father is not a drinker, and while part of me still cares and wants to ensure he’s all right, the part of me that would rather avoid him wins out.

I maintain my direction, feet rushing toward the stairs until his strained voice makes me pause.

“I know you don’t think I care… but you couldn’t be further from the truth.”

What the hell does he know about the truth?

Not tonight, please not tonight.

I solidify my stance with a big breath before turning around to face him, preparing for a fight. Three bold strides in his direction, I stop, remembering to keep my distance. Not wanting to get too close to the insanity.

“She was my whole life,” he mutters, weary eyes staring at the now empty glass in his hand. “After she first got diagnosed, I used to stay awake every night beside her. I was terrified,” he admits, his weakened gaze meeting my hard one. “Terrified of falling asleep and then waking up in the morning to a stranger. Scared to death of the emptiness I might find in her eyes. And then… when it finally did happen and I had to put her in that home, it was worse than I ever could have imagined.

“Your mother and I, we made so many memories… we had a lot of years together before she got sick.” He shakes his head, his expression blank. “And all that has been washed away. Almost as if it never happened. But I’m reminded every day that it did happen.” He glances down at the ring on his finger. “Because she is the best part of me, and those were some of the best days of my life.”

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