“Technically, it does. You’ve never lied to me once are you going to start now? I’d like to know what would’ve happened if Blackie hadn’t intervened. I’d like to know what he endured because of me.”
He remained silent, his knuckles whitening as they clenched the steering wheel. I shouldn’t have pressed but there was no stopping me.
“I’m not a little kid who will sit here and believe everything is okay. I learned a lot in the last couple of days. I get it, I get why you wanted to keep me away from your life. It’s ugly. But guess what? Despite all your efforts I’m still a part of it. Jimmy proved that the minute he came looking for me. I’m property of the Satan’s Knights…fair game. I deserve to know what happened because it affects me just as it does everyone else,” I argued.
He swerved, pulling the car onto the shoulder of the Belt Parkway and shifted the gear into park before pinning me with a stare.
“You listen to me and listen good you are not property of the Satan’s Knights. You are no one’s property,” he shouted, startling me, making it the first time my father has ever reprimanded me.
So much for not being treated like a child.
“He didn’t endure anything because of you. That shit is all on me, Lacey,” he growled. “Is that what this is about? You feel some sort of guilt over Blackie?”
“Are you telling me I shouldn’t?” I asked incredulously. “There aren’t too many people who will choose your life over their own,” I added, angrily.
“It’s his goddamn job to put you first!” He fumed.
That stung, and another lesson was learned…words are one powerful weapon. I’d have to be pickier with my own, make them count, make them hurt, just like my dad’s did.
At least then I’d have a rebuttal.
Now, I just sat there like the young na?ve girl he thought I was.
“He’s in the hospital, hanging on but he suffered a heart attack,” he said, finally.
My eyes snapped toward him and my mouth fell open as my heart lurched into my throat.
“A heart attack? What the hell happened to him?”
“Watch your tone Lacey, giving away a whole lot with the way you’re talking,” he warned.
“Giving away what? That I care about Blackie? Of course I do. You have yourself to thank for that because the moment you stepped foot onto that bus to Riker’s he was there for me and he’s never left,” I trembled as my voice shot octaves higher with each word I spoke.
“Shit,” he ground out. “Blackie’s not some knight in shining armor Lacey. He traded places with you because that is his job. It’s who he is. That man has a death wish and everyone knows it, including the man who took him. He loaded him up on drugs. Blackie should be dead right now but he’s hanging on because his body is so immune to the poison he keeps filling it with. He’s not a prince, Lace, he’s the devil clothed in leather. He is the same as me and don’t you forget that!”
“I know exactly who he is and I accept him as he is…the same way I accept you,” I insisted.
I wasn’t sure if he was trying to scare me away or warn me but either way it didn’t matter. I knew Blackie had a drug problem I saw it with my own eyes that night. But, he was still a man, a broken man who lost his way. He could push me away, try to make me hate him, but I’ve known him nearly all my life…I know how good he can be.
“Best-case scenario, he makes it out of this and gets the help he needs,” my dad added.
“And worse case?”
“He cheats death only to beckon for it to come again,” he said as he pulled the truck back onto the Belt. “Can’t make someone live when they don’t want to. You can’t keep them breathing when they want to suffocate.”
I stared at him as he fixed his eyes back to mine
“Blackie’s at the end of his rope, Lace.”
I restrained from shaking my head and telling him to shut up that he was wrong. Blackie may be at the end of his rope, but I was going to give him another inch, I was going to be the one who pulled him back.
Just watch and see.
I fell back against the seat and stared out the window.
“I’m sorry you had to see everything you saw,” my father whispered. “The world isn’t always pretty but the one me and Blackie live in is downright ugly.”
Duly noted.
Words.
They wound but they don’t change the way a person feels.
Luckily, neither of us uttered another until he pulled up in front of my mother’s house. She was on the stoop waiting for me, her arms crossed against her chest and a worried look adorned her pretty face. I climbed out of the truck just as my father slammed his door shut. He walked around the truck, meeting me at the curb.
“Lace…”
“Thanks for keeping your promise,” I interrupted, reaching up and throwing my arms around his neck.
Daddy’s little girl.
Until you’re not anymore.
Until there is another man.
And sometimes he’s just like the first man you ever loved.
Sometimes he's just like your dad.
Chapter Eleven