“I’m surprised a history teacher doesn’t know all this history.”
“It’s not really relevant, but I do agree, it’s interesting.”
“Not relevant, really? If you’ve put roots down here it is relevant.”
“I don’t live here, you know that, right? I’m just here for the summer.”
“Where do you live?”
“Oakland.”
“Oakland, California?”
“Yes.”
Oakland was right across the bridge from San Francisco. I shook my head and smiled. I think it was a stupid, lopsided smile, the kind I couldn’t control that came when I daydreamed or planned or when I was surprised. “Maybe we can get together for lunch or something.” Really? Ladies lunch. Men—men eat lunch too. And I’d just told Cameron about Simon.
“And what would your almost-fiancé think of that?”
“Who?”
“Simon? Remember him? It has been about ten minutes since you mentioned him and your mysterious nonengagement engagement.”
“I was focusing on the house.”
Cameron smirked.
“What? Just say it.”
“I’ve only known you for a week, but I’m here to tell you it’s a really bad idea to marry someone you don’t love.”
“How do you know I don’t love Simon?”
“Do you?”
“He’s wonderful to me.”
“I’m glad.”
“You are?”
“What do you want me to say, Teddi? I like you. I think you’re cute. I like the way you lift your hair off your neck when you think no one’s looking and stick your hands in your pockets like they’re full of treasures. I’d love to get to know you again. I’d like to take you on a date. But not if you have a fiancé. Or an almost-fiancé.”
I parked in front of Perk. My cheeks burned.
“Thanks for the tour,” he said. “And the history lesson. And good luck with your maybe engagement.”
“I like you, Cammy. I do. I wish things were different.”
“You get to decide, you know.”
“Decide what?” Was he asking me to choose between him and Simon, right here and right now, before we’d even gone on a date?
“Your dash, Teddi. You get to decide.”
Cameron walked up Main Street. I wished I could reach into the glove box and pull out the phone that connected me to Celia in my dream. Instead, I closed my eyes and squeezed my memories together to extract the right tempo, pitch, and cadence of her words.
I knew exactly what she’d say.
Chapter 19
“PUT THEM IN THE oven and in thirty minutes I’ll show you the next step,” I said to Shay.
Shay slid the cookie tray into the oven and I set a timer. When the door was closed I turned on the oven light. I had always liked to watch the mandel bread loaves rise and expand as I waited to slice and then bake them again.
“So, you ready for the big day?” I asked.
“I guess. Unless they cancel it.”
“Shay, they’re not calling off the wedding! You know that, right? Your dad and Violet love each other. A lot.”
Shay ignored me. “Can I show you my storyboard for my comic book? It’s my next project for art class.” She left the kitchen and walked toward the stairs. I followed to her bedroom. Sketchbook pages were clipped to twine that crisscrossed her room like a clothesline.
The drawings were rough and in pencil, yet whimsical, the thought bubbles waiting to be filled.
I stared at one sheet without seeing it. “Remember you said you wished I had a special friend, like a boyfriend?”
Shay nodded. “Then you wouldn’t always be alone, Aunt Tee.”
My heart tugged. She was worried about me. I didn’t remember the last time I felt like someone worried about me.
“Remember hearing me talk about Simon? The man I work for? I’ve talked about him before.”
“Daddy says he owns the hotels.”
“He does.”
“Is he rich?”
“It doesn’t matter to me how much money he has.”
“So, he’s your best friend?”
I’d never thought of Simon that way, but I supposed he could be. If I let him. “I’ll tell you something not a lot of people know.” Shay opened her eyes wide and nodded. “I’ve been dating him. We have a lot of fun together. He’s really nice.”
“He’s your boyfriend?”
“I think he’s going to ask me to marry him.”
“What? No!” Shay rose from the bed, bending at her waist and yelling, “No, no, no, no, no!” She yelled it so many times I lost count, and then she just sat on her desk chair and put her hands over her ears.
I had no idea what to do, what to say, what to think.
Maybe it was too much information, too much sharing. She was only twelve. What was I thinking? I just didn’t want her to worry about me—I’d have someone, I wouldn’t be alone, it would be a nice life.
I didn’t know who I was trying to convince.
Shay looked at me, but stayed folded in half. “Are you engaged?” She lifted my left hand in hers. “You don’t have a ring.”
“He didn’t ask me officially. Not yet anyway.”
Shay exhaled. “Oh.”
“But if he asks—when he asks—I think I’m going to say yes.”
She wrapped her arms around herself and stood. “No. You can’t do that. You’ll ruin everything.” She yanked the papers off the twine and let them fall to the floor.
“I don’t understand, Shay. Talk to me. Remember? We’re being honest. Tell me what’s wrong. You’ll like Simon, I know you will. And you will be in the wedding. I was thinking you could be my maid of honor.”
She turned to me and shook her head. Tears streamed down her face. She gasped for breath and I released one I didn’t know I was holding in.
“What about Daddy?”
“Daddy can come to the wedding too.” Sure, why not. We were building the foundation of a new friendship, one that would include Violet. Shay looked away.
Oh God. No. I reached out and turned her toward me. “Honey, your daddy and I aren’t going to be anything more than friends. I told you that.”
“Why not? It’s perfect. You’ve known each other for so, so long and if you and Daddy were together you would be my stepmother. I love Vi, I do, but you’re already family. And you and Daddy both miss Mommy like I do. It would be like we were all still a family, not something new that doesn’t have anything to do with her.”
“Your dad loves Violet. I care about him, but not like that.”
“But you were best friends with Daddy.”
“I was best friends with your mom, sweetie. Being a couple with your dad would be like having my brother for a boyfriend. And that’s just not right.” Shut up already, Teddi, before you blurt out every bit of irony left in the county.
“But you can try, right? What if you told my dad you wanted to stay and be a family with him and me? Think about it, Aunt Tee. You already fit with us. I know you said your job is in San Francisco and I was thinking maybe we could just move to San Francisco and be there with you.”
“Honey, your dad and Violet love each other. Your dad and I don’t.”
“But he has fun with you and we can talk about Mommy. We can’t do that with Violet.”
“Yes, you can. She doesn’t want to take your mom away from you.”