“I wish I could explain—” he begins but I cut him off by placing my fingers against his full firm lips.
“I can’t go back,” I whisper softly, praying my voice is loud enough for him to hear because this is all I’ve got left. I can hardly believe what an idiot I was to think I could channel ten years’ worth of feelings into one night. My need blurred my vision until I was able to lie to myself I guess. “Thank you . . . for our night together. I know that’s all it was for you, and I will never regret it. But right now, Dallas needs you and I need to let him have his shot without standing in the way or complicating things with his drummer. He needs you to have his back out there.”
“Come with me. We’ll do this last song like we normally do. Everything else we can figure out later.” His warm hand slips into mine, lacing our fingers together, and I’m tempted. But I saw what almost happened between them and I heard what Mandy said loud and clear and I know I have to take a step back. For now at least.
“I’ve already figured it out. Go. I’m fine. I promise.” Lifting onto the tips of my toes, I place the whisper of a kiss on his cheek. “Knock ’em dead, drummer boy.”
“After the show, we’re going to talk. And then we’re going to talk to your brother and our new manager.” Disdain hardens his voice on the last word.
“Gavin, I—”
“No, Bluebird. Don’t. Don’t talk yourself out of what you want. Right now I couldn’t give a shit about what Mandy Lantram or anyone else says. You always think of everyone else. I want you to decide what you want during this show. If you want to be in the band or not, I want you to decide for you, only for you and not for anyone else. Understood?”
I nod, knowing full well what I want. The band is everything, and without it, I feel lost.
The metal door clangs open again, startling me. “You coming or what?” My brother’s voice is razor sharp as his eyes zero in on Gavin’s hand in mine.
“Coming.” Gavin nods and once my brother is back inside, he pulls me in close. “After the encore, wait for me. Okay?”
I nod again, but when he lets go of my hand and his fingertips graze my palm, pulling away from mine, I know I’m letting him go in more ways than one.
Chapter 27
THE STAGE LIGHTS ARE STILL DOWN WHEN I FIND AN EMPTY SEAT on the edge of a front aisle. I don’t even know what song Dallas finally chose so I have no idea what to expect. The woman next to me is smiling at something on her phone when the gentle sound of Gavin’s cymbal sends shivers across my skin. Dallas plays a few chords and I recognize the song immediately. It’s called “The End” and it’s fitting since they’re the last act to play.
The lights come up and I see them on the stage, the two men I love more than anyone else in the world—with the exception of Papa. In this moment, I am that girl again. The one sitting on the ledge wishing she’d jumped instead of chickening out. But at least this way I will know if I’m holding the band back from making it big.
Over the past year we’ve speculated a lot about possible issues. Our love of the classics, our refusal to conform or play pop music, even our look has come under Dallas’s scrutiny when it came time to discuss possible changes. But it was never even suggested that Oz and I could be the cause. We seem like the obvious answer now.
Emotion swells like soaked cotton balls in my throat and my vision blurs behind moisture as I watch Dallas play the guitar solo. His voice is different from the original lead singer’s and he goes with it, making it his own instead of trying to emulate someone he could never be.