For Olivia’s sake, I need him. He’s her father and I have to be sure before I make any accusations.
The only thing I feel some degree of certainty over is that I’m not in danger. I’ve known Dan for more than twenty years. I’ve rarely seen him angry, let alone violent. That’s one of the things that annoys me the most. I might raise my voice, shout, scream, throw around an insult or two. He’ll sit there calmly listening to it all and then reply with perfect composure. It’s infuriating. I always seem like the deranged one.
Despite that, he must sense something isn’t as it should be. He asks if everything is okay and I palm him off by saying the police were round to ask about Tyler. I say they need to talk to him at some point and that I passed on his mobile number. I watch for a reaction but there’s nothing except an accepting nod. He asks if I have the details of the investigating officer – and says he’ll call tomorrow. All very straightforward. No drama.
Being in the house alone with him doesn’t feel quite right, so I say I’m going to nip to Ellie’s for an hour. It’s late – but he doesn’t object. He replies that he’s got a little bit of work to finish and that he’ll probably be in bed by the time I return. This is how we’ve been for months… years. He does his thing, I do mine. Occasionally we cross over but not really.
I text Ellie, telling her to put the kettle on, and then set off along the street. Her house is only five minutes but I walk more slowly than usual, looking for things on the route that I take for granted. This journey is the last one Tyler apparently made and I find myself noticing the cut-throughs I’d normally pass without hesitation.
There’s surprisingly few places he could have deviated from the route back to the High Street. One of the cut-throughs loops back to the furthest end of our road and then there is the row of houses that leads to the crossing before I get to Ellie’s road. The junction is the first place he could realistically have strayed onto a different path. One road leads to the High Street, one to our house, one towards Ellie’s, and the final one towards the dual carriageway.
I stop and look up at the lamp posts, checking for CCTV. It’s everywhere in the cities – but not here. North Melbury is too small, too inconsequential. There’s almost no late-night trouble. Major news stories are a noisy cockerel waking people up on a Sunday, or the weather forecast for the summer fete. I can’t remember anyone going missing around here.
Ellie opens the door herself when I knock. She’s in a different set of pyjamas from the other day, along with fluffy bunny slippers. She says hello but then groans when she turns, stopping to rub her breastbone.
She leads me through the hall into the kitchen and slumps into a seat at the table. ‘Forgot my painkillers again,’ she says.
‘You should set an alarm on your phone to remind you.’
She starts to shake her head and then catches herself. ‘I’ve never really liked taking pills and other medicines. You know what Ma was like.’
I do know what her mother was like – but had largely forgotten. Ellie’s mum was always taking something, be it a miracle youth potion she’d seen on television, or some homeopathic nonsense she’d been sold along with the drum of snake oil. I’m not sure what she was hoping to achieve – but it didn’t do much good in the end.
‘Jason’s in bed,’ Ellie says.
‘I was here to see you.’
‘Sure it’s not to get away from Dan?’
The smile is knowing. She can see right through me.
‘A little from column A…’
I laugh and cross to the kettle, asking Ellie if she wants a tea. She says there’s wine in the fridge if I fancy it – but my mind is muddy enough. Alcohol is the last thing I want.
Ellie is still working on her jigsaw but it’s not that much further along than it was when I saw it last. She has got the straight pieces along the sides all in place. The box is on the table, leaning against the wall with a photo of a canal. It’s a night scene, lights streaming down from windows above as a narrow boat drifts along serenely. I think it’s probably Venice but I’m not sure and have never been. It’s beautiful and, wherever it is, I wish I could see it for myself.
‘How’s Olivia?’ Ellie asks. ‘She cancelled our accounting session earlier.’
‘Did she? I didn’t know. The police were over to talk to us about Tyler – so it was probably because of that.’
I empty the recently boiled kettle into two mugs and then realise I haven’t answered the question.
‘She’s upset,’ I say. ‘It’s been five days since he was last seen and it’s gone a bit beyond his usual disappearing acts.’
‘What do you think?’
I return to the table and cradle the mug until the heat makes my fingers tingle. ‘I don’t know. I assumed he’d be back by now. I don’t know enough about him to know what might have happened. I told them about his cannabis, so perhaps they think he owed money, something like that…’ I tail off and run a hand through my hair, tugging at a knot that has appeared. ‘If it is drugs, I hope Liv isn’t involved.’
Ellie touches my wrist. ‘I’m sure she’s not.’
‘I feel like an awful mother. I don’t know how it’s come to this.’
When I look up, Ellie is tight-lipped and I realise my mistake. She can’t have children. Her mother died of ovarian cancer and Ellie had hers removed as a precaution. Olivia called her ‘Auntie Ellie’ for years – but that’s as close as Ellie got to a child of her own.
‘Sorry,’ I say.
She blinks and, for a moment, she’s no longer in the room. She breathes and then the moment has gone and she tells me it’s fine. I know it’s not. I’m usually careful with what I say around Ellie but I’m shattered from the past few days.
‘Liv was talking about the mill,’ I say lightly, trying to make it sound like a joke. ‘I didn’t know you were telling her our secrets…?’
Ellie bats it away with a wave of her hand. ‘It sort of… came out. She was saying how you didn’t like Tyler and I told her it wasn’t that straightforward. I said we used to get up to all sorts when we were her age and that you were concerned. I hope you don’t mind. I was trying to help.’
She doesn’t look up, reaching for a piece of the puzzle instead and slotting it into place. I guess there’s nothing wrong with what she told Olivia.
‘It’s like the boy who cried wolf,’ I say. ‘Liv and Tyler break up and there’s a week of devastation, then it’s all fine again. I don’t know if I believe he’s missing in the sense that people go missing. He might be at some hippy weed festival in a field somewhere.’
Ellie winks: ‘Sounds like fun.’
‘Not at our age.’
‘Speak for yourself.’
It’s good to talk about this. A small part of that weight is finally shifting. ‘I’ve got a feeling he’ll waltz back into everyone’s lives in a day or three as if nothing’s wrong.’
I’ve been looking at the puzzle, trying to see if I can help. Rather unhelpfully, all the water pieces look the same – which I guess is the point. I glance up and realise Ellie is staring at me.
‘What?’ I ask.
‘Can I say something?’
‘I think we’ve known each other long enough for that.’
She bites her lip. ‘It’s just… you don’t seem massively concerned.’
‘About what?’
‘Tyler.’
As always, she’s seen right through me. I spoke to the police; I’ve tried to say the right thing to Olivia… but it’s forced. None of it is real. I glance off to the fridge, the wall, the window. Not making eye contact.
‘Does that make me a horrible person?’ I ask.
A shrug. ‘You tell me.’
It takes me a few seconds to find the words. ‘It’s not like I wish he was dead or anything. It would just be nice if he sort of… sodded off and left Liv alone.’
‘He’s done the sodding off part.’