“It sounds like something my mother would do. She probably has.” She stared out the window. “Vicks, why are you going? You gave it all to Shanks. He’s on it. Let him handle it.”
“I told you. The family agreed to meet with me. I’d look like an idiot if I canceled.”
“Yeah, okay.” When Ben looked up, she said, “I do have some understanding of the situation. When are you meeting with them?”
“The twenty-eighth at two in the afternoon.”
“So why are you leaving on Christmas Day?”
“Cheaper flight.”
“You’ll lose it all in the hotel costs.”
“Motel, not hotel. You know crazy, mulish, anhedonic me, Ro. I want to walk the area where she was found. I want to see if I’m missing something. And yes, if I do discover anything, I’ll tell Shanks.” He tapped a key and the printer sprang to life. He retrieved the papers. “Here you go.”
She read the itinerary. “Okay. Here’s the deal. Sit down.” When he sat in his desk chair, she said, “No, sit next to me on the bed.”
“My pleasure.” He kissed her cheek again. “I do love you.”
“You’re not going to like what I have to say.” Ben’s smile faded. Ro was quiet for a moment. “I’ve reached an epiphany.”
“What?”
“I’m either going to have to accept who you are or I’m just going to have to stop seeing you.” She faced him. “You make out like you’d rather see me happy than anything, and in reality, you do whatever you want, when you want, and exactly how you want.”
“That’s not fair. I came to homecoming just for you. You know how I hate that stuff.”
“Which is why you’re thrilled to have JD take me off your hands. We’re not all that different.” She stood up. “Because when it comes to doing what you’re doing and doing what I want to do, it isn’t close. You truly are a self-contained unit.”
Ben got off the bed and began to pace. “Exactly how much do you want me to suffer, Dorothy?” His eyes teared up. “Haven’t we both suffered enough?”
“Move on!”
“I can’t!” he cried out. “I promised her. I swore that I’d either find him or die trying!”
And what could she possibly say to that.
“It’s like JD said, I’m in arrested development,” Ben said. “I’m sorry I can’t be what you want. Maybe one day when the case is finally solved, you’ll like me better.”
“I like you fine, Vicks. You don’t like you.”
“Maybe I don’t like me, but I certainly like you.” A pause. “Look. I’ve been doing what I’m doing for almost three years. You’ve been with another guy since you got here. You barely talk to me at school. No one changes overnight. Maybe you should develop a little fucking patience.”
“Maybe I should.” She tapped her foot. Then she let out a small laugh. “I must admit there is something . . . perversely amusing about dangling JD over the precipice. So, this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to the winter dance. I’m going to wear my cool, sexy dress. I’m going to hold my head up high, and if anyone gets in my way or tries to put me down, I am going to give him or her the wrath of God.”
“Good for you.” Ben meant it.
“Wait until you hear me out before you give me kudos.” She gave a forced smile. “Then I’m going to meet you in Berkeley and we’ll do whatever you do—together. And unless you say within seconds, ‘Great, Ro. I really appreciate that,’ I’m going to walk out that door and don’t bother talking to me ever again.”
“Great, Ro. I really appreciate that.”
“Eureka!” She patted his cheek. “You can be taught.”
“Can I say one thing?”
“Not if it’s negative.”
“It’s one thing for me to lie to my parents. It’s another thing for you to lie to yours.”
“Who is going to lie? I will tell them that we’re going together so we can look at colleges in Berkeley and Stanford. We’ll already be in Berkeley. No problem taking a quick detour to Stanford. And I’ll have the pictures on my phone to prove it. I’ll just tell them that you got a head start.”
“They’ll allow you to travel with me?”
“Ben, they’re New York liberals. They don’t care who I sleep with. Well, maybe you, they’d care.”
“I know. I’m weird.”
“Oh please. They don’t think you’re weird because of your obsessions. My dad thinks you’re crazy because you could probably waltz into Princeton and you’re not even applying. That really offends his sensibilities.”
Ben walked over to her, held her face, and kissed her softly. “I would love for you to come with me.” He kissed her again, this time a little longer. “As much as you want to be with me, that’s how much I want to be with you.” A third time and then a fourth. “And if it appears that I wasn’t fighting for you with JD, I will gladly punch his face until he’s pulp.”
“Nah, don’t do that.” This time she kissed him. “Then who’ll take me to the spring fling?” She threw her arms around his neck. The kisses were long and passionate. “You’re pretty good at this.” She pressed against his groin. “Not so bad in more ways than one.” Her phone rang. “Oh God!” She checked her watch. “I’ve got to go.”
“Don’t go,” he begged. “We’re just getting started!”
Her smile was brilliant. “I need to pick up Griff.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No. Don’t.” Pause. “I need to be alone. And you need some time to think too. See? I know you by now. But I’m still coming with you to California. I figure if we can survive with each other twenty-four/seven in a dingy motel room—”
“It’s not dingy,” Ben said. “It got pretty good reviews on Orbitz and Travelocity.”
“Does it have two twins or a queen?”
“It’s a queen.”
“Change it to singles.” She kissed him again. “If we make it through the week and we both feel the same way afterward . . . then I suppose I’ll just resign myself to who you are and that’s pretty strange.”
He grabbed her and kissed her until they were both lost in the moment, feeling things long buried . . . love, passion, and sexual desire. For the first time in years, he was glad to be alive.
Her phone beeped again.
She pulled away. “I’ve really got to go.” She bumped into his bed. “I’ll bring my hiking boots to California. I’ll need them, right? That was real, real good, by the way.” She bumped into his desk. “Real good.”
“I don’t think you should be driving.”
“Is that your geeky way of saying you want to be with me?”
“No, I really mean you shouldn’t be driving. But I absolutely do want to be with you.”
“Okay.” She tossed him the keys. “Let’s go.”
His face turned hot. He knew he was blushing. “I need to wait a few moments. The girls are out there.”
She looked at his pants and laughed. “You’re okay, you know that?”
“Surprised?”
“No, but it’s just that you’re shorter than J . . . forget it. It’s not nice.”
This time his laughter was unrestrained. “That’s the nicest thing anyone ever told me.”
“Just hurry up. I’m already late. Think of homecoming or something.”
A minute passed. Ben said, “Let’s go.”
“You sure you’re okay?”
“If you don’t touch me. I’m a little quick on the trigger right now.”