Jacob's Ladder: Gabe (Jacob's Ladder #1)

“I don’t fucking care what time it is.”

The next thing I knew, Eli had jerked my hand away from my eyes and was staring daggers down at me. “Oh, I’m well aware you don’t care about the time. You also clearly don’t care about any type of personal hygiene since you haven’t showered for days, and you obviously don’t give two shits about your liver since all you’ve done for the last week is drink vodka like a fucking fish.”

A week ago when my relationship with Rae had gone down in flames, I’d taken refuge at Eli’s townhouse. Like a pussy, I couldn’t bring myself to go back home because I didn’t want to be reminded of my time there with Rae. When I was completely smashed, I’d seriously contemplated burning the place down. Now I was a little more sober, I’d decided to put it on the market and start fresh somewhere new. Of course, that would require me getting out of bed and putting on clothes, which I had no desire to do.

With a grave expression, Eli shook his head at me. “I can’t continue watching you do this to yourself, bro.”

Sitting up, I glowered back at him. “Fine. If you’re going to give me shit, I’ll just go home.”

“I’m not giving you shit. I’m genuinely worried about you.”

Deep down, I knew he was. It was written all over his face. Especially in the dark circles under his eyes. While I tended to sleep when I was worried or depressed, Eli experienced crippling insomnia. “I do appreciate your concern. But I’d really prefer to go back to sleep.”

When I started to lie back down, Eli punched me in the arm. Hard. “What the hell?” I demanded as I rubbed my aching muscle.

“You’re not going to drown yourself in more booze while swimming in a pity-party. You’re going to get your sorry ass up and figure out how to get Rae back.”

“And what if I don’t want Rae back?” I shot back. Yeah, I didn’t believe me either. I was just spouting lies to cover for the fact I would never get Rae back.

“I can’t be sorry for something I really don’t feel remorse for. As far as undermining your parenting, maybe someone needs to do it since you’re screwing up your kid’s happiness because of your own warped issues.”

God, how could I have said something so hurtful to her? Rae didn’t have warped issues. Next to my mother and sister, she was the most devoted mother I’d ever seen. Nothing she had ever done warranted my extreme criticism.

“Give me a break, G. You call out her name in the night.”

Oh shit. Had I really been doing that? “Yes, you have,” Eli said, answering the questions in my mind.

“I don’t know if I can get her back.”

“But you haven’t even tried? Have you once tried to call or text her?”

“No.”

“Then how to do you know?”

My mind flashed back again—like it had ten thousand times in the last week—to our horrible showdown behind the curtain of the elementary school auditorium. The insults we’d hurled at each other might as well have bullets or grenades. They’d had the same wounding power. “The way we ended was brutal.”

“But what if it’s not the end? You may have lost the battle, but there’s still a war to be won, but only if you’re willing to fight.”

“You’ve been watching Saving Private Ryan again, haven’t you?”

Scowling at me, Eli replied, “Would you please focus on you and Rae?”

“I am. The opening beach scene at Normandy? Yeah, that was what happened between us.” With my hands, I imitated bombs bursting and machine-gun fire while simultaneously making the noises with my mouth.

I must’ve sounded and looked fucking crazy because Eli frowned at me. “I think we need to get some food into you. There’s an IHOP right around the corner. Nobody will be expecting to see us there.”

Raking my hand over my face, I groaned. “I can’t look at a plate of French toast.”

“Oh Jesus,” Eli muttered. It seemed he remembered me telling him about going to Rafferty’s to get Rae’s favorite breakfast. Although he looked ready to run out of the room and never look back, he surprised me by easing down on the bed beside me. “There’s something I feel I need to tell you.”

Since his tone was slightly freaking me out, I replied, “Uh, okay.”

“I envy what you have with Rae.”

My jaw dropped down to my chest. I didn’t know if I was still intoxicated, or if I’d actually heard Eli say he was envious of me. Me. The man who had the world at his feet was jealous of me? That was unfathomable. “Seriously?” I croaked.

He nodded. “You found your true other half. Rae is everything you’re not, and you’re everything she’s not. You complete each other.”

“Wow,” I murmured.

“Don’t you realize how special that is? I’ve been searching for the last two years, and I can’t find it. I gotta say I’m pretty pissed that you weren’t even looking, and something truly incredible fell right into your lap.”

That was the truth. Rae had been incredible from the very first moments I spent with her. All sass and spark. Oh, God. Even though I was still angry at her, I knew she was the most amazing thing that would ever happen to me. She hadn’t that I was just a musician and not better for anything else. That was on me. So on me. She’d rightly criticized me for undermining her place as decision maker for her son. For their lives. Her anger had been justified. And her son? That kid? Fucking phenomenal. There was no way if I walked away from her, I would ever find something so indefinable with someone else. But if there was one thing that was also completely clear, it was this. It wasn’t just about her—I would never find another Linc.

Tears stung my eyes. Feeling like an epic pansy, I ground them away with my fists. “But the things I said to her.” I cringed. “I don’t think I can come back from that.”

“I can’t imagine there’s anything you said that could have been that terrible.”

“I told her she was screwing up her kid’s happiness. I compared Rae to her mother, who ran away with a musician. Told her that she’d just been desperate for some musician dick.”

Eli recoiled back from me. “What the fuck, man?”

“She’d wounded me, and I wanted to wound her back.”

“You did a fanfuckingtastic job.” Yep. That about sums it up.

“I’m well aware of that.”

Eli raked his hand over his face. “You of all people should know the power of words.”

“Once again, tell me something I don’t know.”

“I am. You’re going to have use your power for words to get Rae back.”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, asshole. Think of what brought the two of you together.”

My fucking writer’s block brought us together, but I had to con my way into her world to be anywhere near her after that first inspiration hit. She’d hated me. Despised me without giving me a chance. But I had been a dick to her, so I had deserved it. How did Eli think that would help win her—

Fuck.

I’m such idiot.

The power of words.