Jacob's Ladder: Gabe (Jacob's Ladder #1)

Tears stung my eyes. “God, I treated him so horribly this morning. When I think of how he looked at me when I told him he had to give up the guitar…” I shuddered. “He despises me now.”

“There’s nothing you did or said that Linc won’t forgive you for. He loves you more than anyone or anything in the world.” Kennedy winked at me. “Even the guitar.”

I hiccupped a laugh as I ground the tears from my eyes. “I hope so.

“I know so,” Kennedy said.

Ellie nodded. “Me too.”

With a groan, I eyed the coffee mug-shaped clock on the wall. “Ugh. I need to get to work.”

Shaking her head, Kennedy said, “I think you need to take a mental health day today. Take an hour or so to sober up and then go back to the school and talk to Linc.”

“You’re right. I’m not going to be any good today until I’ve made things right with him.”

“And what about Gabe?” Ellie cautiously asked.

An agonized sigh escaped my lips. “I can’t think about him today.”

“Okay, whatever, Scarlett O’Hara. When will you think about him?” Kennedy inquired.

I rolled my eyes. “Of course I’ll be thinking of him. I’ve already thought about him the whole way over here, especially as I sucked down that rum. I just can’t deal with my feelings about him today.”

Ellie placed her hand on my thigh. “If he calls you, will you at least agree to talk to him?”

Yeah, I don’t think I’ll hold my breath for him to call. That wasn’t going to happen. Not after the way we’d shredded each other. I knew how he felt about me now. I’d seen it in his eyes. Heard it in his voice.

After all, a bastard musician like me was only ever going to be good enough to be in your bed and never fully in yours and your kid’s lives, right?

“I doubt he’ll call, Ellie. He wasn’t sorry at all for his actions. He knew I asked him to be careful about getting invested in Linc and me, because I was terrified of how he’d hurt Linc when . . . if he left. He’s made his pretty position clear on what he thinks of me, my parenting, and well . . . everything.”

“But if he calls—”

“I can’t, not now. I need some time to think.”

“Just don’t take too much time,” she cautioned.

“I’ll try.” I rose off the couch. “Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s a pot of coffee with my name on it just waiting to sober me up.”



*

Standing outside the school’s cafeteria, I waited on Linc’s class to come to lunch. My skin singed under the stares of the other parents who had come to eat with their kids while my ears burned with the whispers around me. There was no doubt that what had transpired between me and Gabe had made its way through the gossip mill.

Although I would have died a thousand deaths to save myself the humiliation of facing people at the school, I knew I had to make things right with Linc. While my heart ached with what had happened with Gabe, my soul was in agony at what I had said and done to Linc.

As Linc came down the hallway toward the lunchroom, his downcast face broke my heart. While his friends chattered around him, Linc didn’t appear to hear them. He was locked in his own world of grief.

“Linc!” I called.

When his gaze connected with mine, pure panic flashed across his face. Since he looked like he might bolt at any moment, I rushed forward. His friends scattered, leaving him all alone.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I hurried toward him. By the time I reached him, I was crying so hard that his image was blurred before me. Although I knew I ran the risk of driving him away by embarrassing him, I still knelt in front of him. “Oh baby, I’m so, so sorry.”

“Mom?”

Swiping the tears from my cheeks, I nodded. “I would give anything in the world if I could take back the things I said to you this morning.” I placed my hands on his shoulders. “Worst of all, I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of all those people. It was your big moment, and I selfishly ruined it for you. You’ve worked so hard and did so well, and I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

I shook my head. “No, honey, it’s not. It’s never okay to yell at you in front of other people, not to mention what happened with me and Gabe.”

“But Mom, I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry I went behind your back to have Jeremy teach me how to play, but most of all, I’m sorry I asked Gabe to give me a guitar.”

Cupping his cheek, I said, “It’s okay. I understand why you did what you did.”

Linc’s dark eyes widened. “You do?”

“Yes, I do. Not only that, maybe you playing the guitar is not so bad.”

If I hadn’t been so emotionally downtrodden, I might have found Linc’s extreme expression of disbelief comical. I didn’t know his mouth could open that wide. “Are you serious?” he demanded.

“Yes, I am.”

“Why?”

“I had a little talk with Aunt Kennedy and Aunt Ellie.”

Linc slowly shook his head back and forth. “You’re really going to let me play guitar?”

Although I still wasn’t completely sold on the idea, I knew I had to let go. Linc wasn’t Ryan any more than I was my mother. “While I would prefer you didn’t play, I will support you if that’s what you want to do.”

Linc took me off guard when he launched himself at me, bowling us over onto the floor. “I guess this means you forgive me?” I asked.

“Yeah, I do.” Linc pulled back to give me a serious look. “But don’t worry, Mom. I would have forgiven you even if you hadn’t let me play guitar again.”

“I know. I believe you.”

When I started to lean over to kiss his cheek, Linc’s eyes bulged in horror. “Mom, no! Someone will see.”

I laughed. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to show you how much I love you.” My chin trembled a little. “And I do love you, Linc, more than anyone else in the whole wide world. The decisions I make are ones I think are the best for you, but sometimes, I make mistakes.”

“I make them too, Mom. And I love you, too.”

God, it was so good hearing those words come from his mouth. I knew that this wasn’t happily ever after. There were going to be tough times ahead of us; it was just part of being a mom and raising a child. I just hoped and prayed we would always have moments like these where we could say we loved each other. Where we could admit when we’re wrong and forgive each other too.

“Okay, that’s enough loving for now. I’m going to need you to get out of here. Now,” Linc said, his gaze bouncing around the hallway.

And just like that, the moment was broken, but I didn’t mind one bit. My boy had forgiven me, so all was right in our world.





The door to Eli’s guest bedroom swung open, and then a pair of heavy feet stomped across the floor and over to the window. When the curtains were jerked open, sunlight streamed into the darkened tomb of a room. Swinging an arm over my eyes, I growled, “Go away.”

“It’s three in the afternoon.”