Jessie saw him adjust his posture again, watched as he pulled his jeans down a bit, and she wondered if his clothes were getting tighter. She hoped so. Running a finger down the v-neck of her shirt, she pulled it over slightly to play with her bra strap. Harmony and April were too fascinated with Kai to notice what she was doing, but Kai’s eyes immediately snapped to her; he stuttered on his sentence. Not knowing why she was doing it, Jessie let her fingers travel over the cup of her bra, swirl around her nipple. Kai completely stopped talking and ran a hand over his jaw. His eyes flashed up to hers, and Jessie could see the desire there, burning under the surface. She had to adjust how she was sitting now, as desire surged through her, too.
Then April set her hand on his thigh. Kai jumped as he turned to look at her, and a sudden flood of horror rushed through Jessie. Jesus, she’d actually been flirting with her cousin. No, more than flirting. Seducing. Her hand slapped over her mouth, just in case her stomach decided to heave. It was so wrong, on so many levels. Jessie saw Kai’s face going through all the same conflicting emotions she was going through, as he half-listened to April talking about her job. Even though his skin hadn’t changed color, Jessie thought he looked paler.
Jessie shot to her feet, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “I’m gonna…open the wine for dinner.” A drink, that was what Jessie needed. A nice big drink.
As she sped from the room, she heard Kai say, “I’ll help you.”
Knowing that he was going to follow her into the small, private room amplified her confusion. She didn’t really want to be alone with him right now, but she couldn’t refuse his polite offer in front of her roommates. Crossing her fingers, Jessie hoped April followed them. A third party would help. Maybe. But then she heard April and Harmony begin a low conversation between themselves. They were most likely taking this opportunity to talk about Kai, and just when Jessie could have used their interference.
She leaned over the counter when she got to the kitchen; she wasn’t sure what she should be feeling right now, other than conflicted. And guilty.
“Jessie?” Her name on Kai’s lips warmed and horrified her. There was so much love and ache behind the syllables. But the feeling he inlaid in the word was wrong. They couldn’t be like that, they just couldn’t. Jessie twisted around to face him, and she felt tears in her eyes again. “Cousin?” he whispered, his expression sad as he looked her over.
Jessie’s tears built to a level she couldn’t sustain, and they began to freely slide down her cheeks. Kai immediately walked up to her and brushed them away. “When does it get easier, Kai?” she whispered as she searched his face.
Kai dropped his hand. He stayed close to her, but it was obvious he was being careful not to touch her. “I don’t know.” Shaking his head, he shrugged. “Someday?”
Jessie hung her head, her forehead just reaching his chest. Kai stepped in and enclosed his arms around her in a warm embrace. Knowing they shouldn’t, Jessie slung her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his body. They both exhaled at the same time, and it felt like a weight was being lifted from Jessie’s shoulders. Why did touching him have to bring her such peace?
Kai rubbed her back and placed a tender kiss on her head. She snuggled into his arms, burrowing her head in the space under his jaw. Feeling a warmth and safety that she knew wasn’t appropriate made another tear fall from her eye.
Listening to their quiet heartbeats and the girls giggling in the next room, Jessie whispered, “April is going to ask you out after dinner.” She pulled her head away from his embrace and looked up at him. Searching his face, Jessie pierced her heart. “I want you to say yes. I want you to go out with her.”
Kai’s eyes widened, and he shook his head. Jessie’s face was blank, emotionless. Her heart was so torn she couldn’t even fake a reassuring smile. It had to be this way. They quicker they moved on, the better. Kai opened and closed his mouth; by the confliction in his eyes, it was clear he was trying to find a different solution to their problems…but he wasn’t succeeding. It would be so nice, so easy, if they could just shut off the attraction they felt for each other. If she could stop the warmth and affection from growing larger with each and every moment she spent with him. But she couldn’t stop it, so maybe April stealing some of his time away from Jessie was exactly what they both needed to sever this connection they had, before it got any deeper.
Because, as nice as it was, the depth of feeling that she had for him was wrong. Wanting his arms to always be around her was wrong. Wanting him to lean down and place his lips against hers was wrong. Wanting him to tell her that he couldn’t see April because he was madly in love with her…was wrong.
Kai closed his mouth as he searched her eyes. His face changed as Jessie stared at him. Some decision had been reached while he’d silently debated with himself, and Jessie knew that either way, his answer was going to hurt.
Softly sighing, he slumped in her arms and whispered, “Okay…cousin.”