His mother’s last words to him had been warm and sweet, like the mom he knew her to be. “I love you so much, Kai. I’ll miss you every day. And who knows, maybe I’ll fly over and visit. I wouldn’t mind seeing Denver.”
The small smile on her face had seemed nostalgic and hopeful, and Kai was certain a visit from her would also include a visit to Kai’s biological father. Kai was okay with that. His mother had been alone a long time. Mason too, actually. Despite the havoc they’d caused, the two deserved their shot at happiness.
As the perky flight attendant refilled his orange juice, Kai’s thoughts shifted to his father. Leaving Nate had felt much like when he’d arrived in Hawaii. It had been just as intense, but for different reasons this time. Back then, Kai had been hurt and confused, but love had ultimately led him to forgiveness. Parting with him had been emotional.
Once his mother had backed off a respectful distance, his father had stepped forward. Smiling softly at Kai, he’d told him, “I’ll miss you, son.” Swallowing a lump in his throat, he’d added in a choked voice, “I know you’ll do great things at the center with Mason. After all, you’re a Harper…in spirit at least.”
Feeling an almost desperate need to let him know that he would always be his son, Kai had thrown his arms around his father, cinching him tight. “I am your son. I’ll always be your son…always.”
He’d kept repeating it to him over and over. Kai wasn’t sure why at the time, and wished he’d been able to stop, since he’d managed to bring his father to tears, but he thought he finally understood. Kai hadn’t been assuring his father, he’d been trying to assure himself.
A piece of Kai, a dark piece that he didn’t like to look at, was afraid that the man who’d raised him…would abandon him now. Kai’s logical brain immediately discounted the idea. After all, if that were really going to happen, it would have happened when Kai was a teenager. If Nate Harper was going to turn his back on him, like he had his marriage, he would have done it years ago, when Kai was young. But logic doesn’t always win, and the fear was still there…a lingering worry bubbling to the surface.
Kai supposed that no matter how old a person got the fear of being abandoned, of being rejected by those who were loved the most, was always tucked away in some tragic corner of the soul, where all childhood fears reside. Most people spent every day ignoring those fears, discounting them as readily as they discounted the Boogie Man and the monster under the bed. But when they slipped out, when they found a chink in the armor of who a person was, like a noxious weed, they took hold.
Kai swallowed his drink and rolled his eyes at his own dramatic inner monologue. He glanced over at Jessie to see her eyes were closed; her face was relaxed. She looked a little tired, but that was to be expected after all the ups and downs they’d had recently. Clutching her hand, he was relieved to know that things would probably mellow out from here. Jessie didn’t open her eyes, but she smiled when she felt his skin against hers. She loved being close to him, same as he loved being close to her.
Glancing down her body, his eyes rested on her flat stomach. Intrigued by the idea he’d haphazardly tossed out to his mother, he imagined her stomach full of life. His life, his child. While the thought had once appalled him, it warmed him now. Kai had always pictured himself having children in the future, he’d just never been sure who he would have them with. He was sure now. While he’d mainly been joking with his mother, it was something he wanted, something he wanted with Jessie. Maybe not right away, but someday.
Bringing her left hand to his lips, he also imagined placing a ring on her finger. He wanted that too. Now that the option was open to him, it was really all he could think about. They still needed to break the news to her parents, since they were still under the impression that Kai was a cousin, but after everything that Kai had been through lately, he felt sure they could do it.
Jessie looked over at him as his lips rubbed back and forth over the finger he so wanted to encircle. Her dark eyes swept over his features. “What are you thinking about?” she asked.
His gaze lingered on those luscious lips for a second before he answered. Biting back a smile, he shook his head. “I was just thinking that it’s legal for first cousins to get married in Hawaii.”
Her eyes widened, and she grinned. “I see…that’s interesting that you know that.”
She raised an eyebrow at him and Kai laughed. “I had a good reason to look it up.”
Jessie laughed then sighed contently. “You see us getting married one day?” she asked, her fingers coming up to stroke his cheek.
Closing his eyes, Kai leaned into her touch. “Yes,” he said, reopening them “Don’t you?”