His memories gave me a sliver of my past. “I didn’t?”
“No, not then. You were dating someone else.”
“What? That was before we were here, right?”
“Yes, it was before everything.”
He sighed and laid his head back on his pillow. I was afraid he’d stop talking, yet more scared to ask him to continue. Thankfully, he didn’t stop, but when he resumed speaking, his voice had a faraway tone, as if he was seeing it all again.
“You were laughing, and I thought you were one of the prettiest women I’d ever seen. You have a great laugh.” He reached for my hand and intertwined our fingers. “I know this crash course in remembering how to be an Assemblyman’s wife hasn’t given you many opportunities for laughter. That’s why I want your memories to come back. Sometimes it seems like we’re back at the beginning. I want to be beyond that . . .” He was back up with his elbow beside me and his head on his hand. Looking down at me, he continued, “To where you laugh instead of cry.”
“I’m sorry.”
He touched my lips. “To where you’re not constantly apologizing.”
I kissed his finger. “I’d like that too, but you have to admit, this hasn’t been easy. I mean my eyes, leg, and ribs. I’ve just gotten my sight back. We’ve been banished, and my hair is gone.”
“I do.” He exhaled. “I admit that it’s been a rough few weeks, but we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.”
“The Light?” I asked with a smirk.
“Yes. See? It’s something everyone wants.”
“I do see that, and I understand that we’re here, on the biggest campus, as part of the chosen.” I ran my palm over his handsome cheek. “And at one time, I chose to be here with you. Though I don’t remember that, I wanted it, and I still do. I want The Light.” I shook my head. “I’m sure that as we go forward there’ll be times when I mess up and you’ll correct me, but when I do, I’m asking you to understand that it’s not intentional. Today, driving off the campus made me sad. I want to go back. This pole barn and the hangar might not be the dark, but for the life of me, I don’t think I was driving away in your truck. I can’t imagine wanting to leave you or Father Gabriel. I mean, first off, you said we’re on the edge of the circumpolar north. Second, Father Gabriel travels by plane.” My volume rose. “Third, there are polar bears. None of that makes it even seem possible to drive away, and if it were, it wouldn’t be something I’d be willing to do alone.”
“Once our banishment is over and Father Gabriel reintroduces us to followers, the accident is over. Just like any other correction, it’s gone, as if it never happened.”
“Reintroduces us? Do you mean like in front of everyone?”
“Yes.”
I groaned and buried my head in his hard chest.
“Don’t make me tell you again about your hair and how proud I am to have you at my side.” His tone was somewhere between tender and stern.
“I think maybe I could wear a scarf.”
“Around your neck to stay warm.”
“A hat,” I tried.
“Sara.”
Yes, I was pushing this too far. “Fine, whatever you say. Jacob?”
“Do not suggest another head covering.”
I shook my head. “I’m not. I wanted to thank you for arranging to have Raquel here today and Sister Ruth tomorrow.”
“I’m confident that Brother Timothy and Sister Lilith won’t try anything else, but Brother Daniel suggested that Sister Ruth come out, and I thought it would make you more comfortable.”
“Why are you confident they won’t do anything else?”
“Sara.” His tone wasn’t joking.
“I’m sorry.” Shit! Now I’m apologizing. “I know you said Brother Daniel is our overseer, but he’s on the Commission. I’m afraid that all the Commissioners are like Brother Timothy.”
“They’re not.” He lay back and pulled me to his shoulder. As I cuddled close with the knee in the cast on his thigh, I listened as he talked about Brother Daniel and Sister Ruth. Apparently when we first arrived I hadn’t been as good a cook as I was now—I didn’t know I was—and Sister Ruth had spent a lot of time with me, teaching me. “It’s pretty obvious she’s a great cook,” he added.
I laughed. “I knew it. From the way she hugged me at the hospital, I knew she was a bigger woman.”
“Did you hear that?”
I lifted my head; all I’d heard was his voice reverberating from his chest with the steady beat of his heart. “No, I didn’t hear anything.”
“I did,” he said, lifting me and pulling my cast across him. “It was your laugh.”
“Jacob?”
“I believe you mentioned something—an alternative—at the clinic.”
Oh, wow!