I exhaled, thankful he’d explained his reasoning.
Gently rubbing my back, he continued, “Besides, like I said, I’m worried about your ribs. I weigh a lot more than you. I don’t want to make them worse.”
“I don’t have to be on the bottom.”
Oh, shit! I bit my lip. Did I really just say that?
The bed shook with the quake of his laughter. “Good night, Sara.”
The next afternoon I burrowed my gloved hands deep inside my thick coat and sat silently as Jacob drove us away from the clinic. Judging from the height of the vehicle as he’d helped me into my seat, we were in a truck. I wanted to ask if it belonged to him.
After all, didn’t I wreck his truck?
Instead I listened as the heater blew ferociously within and the wind howled outside. I was stuck in a battle of temperatures, and judging by my chattering teeth, the outside was winning. I tried to remember the time of year. Elizabeth had mentioned the dark season. Based on the temperature, it had to be winter. Then again, I didn’t know if it ever got warm in Far North, Alaska.
Whatever time of year it was, I couldn’t seem to get warm. On one foot I wore the boot from last night. On the other my cast was covered by a sort of sock. Under my long skirt I wore warm leggings, but despite it all, my body still shivered. The farther we drove, the more I thought about my friends. I’d recently told Elizabeth how anxious I was to leave my room. Now in less than twenty-four hours I’d done it twice, and this time we weren’t returning, at least for a little while.
The new paradigm left me scared and lonely. As the reality of my circumstance settled in my consciousness, my desire to question slipped away. The acceptance of my life was a relief that allowed me to concentrate on what and who was around me. Outside the community I’d have Jacob, but I would also miss Raquel’s constant presence and Elizabeth’s visits. I even wondered about Sisters Lilith and Ruth. With Sister Ruth’s presence, I’d come to enjoy my training. It was nice to have the women to talk to, people I could question, who could teach me the things I’d forgotten.
I tried to imagine a pole barn but had no frame of reference. I didn’t even know what it was. The longer I thought about where we were going and how we were getting there, the more questions I had.
Can we live in a barn? Why do we want to?
It wasn’t as if Jacob usually talked a lot, but ever since the previous night’s service he had been quieter than normal. I believed it had something to do with his meeting, but what that something was I’d probably never know. If one day I learned, it would be in God’s time. I reached for the door, to my right, and found a handle. My grip tightened as the tires bounced upon the uneven road.
“Are you all right?” Jacob asked, bringing my thoughts to the present.
Biting my lip, I nodded.
His gloved hand reached for my leg. “Sara,” he said gently, “I can’t help you if you’re not honest with me. Don’t try to hide your thoughts and feelings. I’ll find out the truth.”
“It’s my ribs. The way the truck’s bouncing . . . they hurt.”
“There. Was that difficult? Is there more?” he asked.
When I covered his hand with mine, he turned his palm up and laced our fingers together. Taking a deep breath, I said, “I don’t remember anything. I don’t know where we’re going other than what you’ve said. I don’t even know what a pole barn is. Will”—I swallowed and rephrased—“I’m wondering if there’ll be animals.”
His laughter filled the truck, momentarily masking the wind and the squeak of the tires bouncing upon the uneven road. “I’m proud of you. You said all of that without questioning once.” He squeezed my hand. “Very good. A pole barn is a type of building. No, there won’t be any animals. One small section of the building has living quarters. Even without your sight, I believe you’ll be able to navigate it well. There’s a loft with a bedroom. The main level is one room with a kitchen and living area and a small separated bathroom. The rest is more of a hangar.”
I turned in his direction and tried to imagine what he described. “The rest has an airplane.” I tried to avoid any inflection that could make my words sound like a question.
“Airplanes, two.” He sighed. “I keep forgetting that you don’t remember. I’m a pilot. Father Gabriel needs me to get back to work. Now that you’re doing better, I can. Last night he decided it would be better if you were with me out at the hangar, rather than leaving you in our apartment alone.”