Instead of You

“She just told me she knows we’re together and she wants you to be happy.” McKenzie was silent for a few moments, so I took the time to slide my hands up her back, bringing her body flush with mine, and to press my mouth into the crook where her neck met her shoulder. “She said you could come with me. Practically insisted.”

“Okay,” she breathed, her hands moving slowly up my arms, over my shoulders, and threading through the hair at my nape. I moved my lips up the column of her throat, loving the way her back arched and her hips pressed into me, but I had to pull away. Even though I wanted nothing more than to bury myself in her, we had to leave, and I would have wanted more than three minutes with her had we continued.

“I’m going to finish this later,” I said, kissing the underside of her chin. “But right now I need you to throw together an overnight bag.” I kissed her quickly on the mouth, not nearly long or deep enough, but I didn’t want to lose focus. “I’ll meet you over at my house as soon as you’re ready, okay?”

“All right,” she said, leaning her weight back against the door, my fingertips sliding off her skin. “I’ll be over in a few.” She stepped away from the door, letting me pull it open, and I left her house feeling lighter than I had in days.





Chapter Twenty-Three


McKenzie


Hayes slept most of the way to Bellingham. There was something that struck me as sweet about him sleeping while I was driving. He’d started the drive with his hand on my thigh, and it had stayed there most of the trip. I’d never tire of having Hayes touch me while he slept. I kept the radio low and enjoyed the quiet drive. The soothing sounds of the music playing softly and the road whizzing by outside the window lulled me into a sense of ease I hadn’t had in weeks. In the quiet there was calm.

Twenty minutes from his campus I woke Hayes up and we decided I would drop him off at his meeting and head to a coffee shop just down the street to work on some assignments I’d brought with me, and then we’d meet back up and head to his apartment.

I pulled up in front of the cafe where he had his meeting and he pressed a fast kiss to my cheek, said a hasty good-bye, then hopped out of the car and practically ran to the door. I smiled watching him, loving the fact that he seemed a little lighter too.

I found a vacant table in the corner of the coffee shop and settled in, hoping to make a dent in my work. Hayes had been busy all week trying to bring his mother back from the darkness she had fallen back into, and I hadn’t really been able to see him much. The only bright side to that was I’d nearly completed all of my make-up work. The sooner I finished the last few assignments, the sooner I felt like I could close the door on that part of my life with a little more force.

I would always love Cory; of that I was sure. But I couldn’t help but feel there were still parts of my life tying me back to him. And even though homework seemed inconsequential, I wanted that whole terrible period of my life behind me. I wanted desperately to look forward, to have the excitement of what was to come fill me, not the dread of the painful things that had happened in the past.

So with my papers spread out, book open wide, and earphones plugged in, I set out to finish the last few things I was tasked with. The time flew by and the focus came easily. I let out a breath and slumped back into my chair, taking a moment to look around.

What I hadn’t told Hayes, what I’d kept to myself while I watched him struggle with his mother and battle the darkness right along beside her, was that the same day Cory had gotten his acceptance letter to Central Florida University so had I. So when I looked around the coffee shop, I imagined myself there in a year, in two years, three even, and I could picture myself spending countless nights at this very table. I pictured Holly and Becca with me, because they’d gotten in too, but the image of Hayes was blurry.

We’d been clinging to each other for the past few weeks, simply grasping on to each other so fiercely we’d never really loosened our hold to look around to try and see if we even really fit together.

From behind me I heard a knocking and when I turned I saw Hayes’s smiling face on the other side of the window. He looked tired, but also happy. He walked to the door then headed straight for me.

“Hey,” he said, a little out of breath, but bent to press a kiss to my mouth just before taking the empty seat across from me.

“Hi.” I smiled at him, warmth spreading through me. Being seen in public was still a novelty, so to have him kiss me in front of other people was something I wasn’t used to. It was the best.

“Get a lot of work done?”

I slammed my textbook closed for emphasis and said, “Finished.”

“With everything?”

“One hundred percent caught up.”

“That’s amazing, Kenz.”

I shrugged. “I’m just glad it’s done.” I watched him run a hand through his hair and he let out a sigh. “How was the meeting?” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees.