“Quick,” he whispered, stepping away and pulling my skirt down. “Over here.” He took my hand and led me to the rack that stretched along the far side of the room. It was wall-to-wall marching band uniforms. He forced me into the corner, behind the curtain of polyester. He grabbed what looked like a tuba case and placed it in front of our feet, hiding them from view, and we pressed our bodies up against the wall as far as we could. Not even two seconds later the door opened and the light switched on.
Hayes’s fingers squeezed mine as I heard the footsteps move closer. The rack was probably twenty feet long, but in that moment the room was rapidly closing in on me. The clothes around us moved, and somewhere along the line of uniforms I heard the student rifling through them.
“Josh,” came a new voice from the hallway, “if you need money for lunch, I’ll spot you five bucks.”
Josh Miller. Nice guy. Asked me out freshman year, but I wasn’t allowed to date and Cory nearly gave him a black eye. I was sure he’d have loved to find me holding my History teacher’s hand in a room that was dark just a few seconds ago.
“It’s not lunch, bro. I’m supposed to take Kasey to a movie tomorrow and that was my movie money.”
He was slowly making his way down the line. Each second and each uniform that didn’t hold a twenty in the pocket brought him closer to us. Bringing Hayes and me closer to being discovered.
Please let him find his twenty.
Pocket by pocket, he slowly made his way toward our end of the room. I was breathing shallowly, hardly enough air to keep me upright, but Hayes was stone-like.
“Got it,” Josh said excitedly. “Thank God they never wash our uniforms between performances.” There were more rustling noises, but then the sound of footsteps in the hallway got softer and the door clicked shut. We both let out audible breaths. It was a few moments before either of us moved. I was afraid someone would come back, or some other student would wander into the room. But when Hayes’s hand pulled out of mine, I knew he was upset.
He kicked the tuba case out of the way and used his arms to part the uniforms, stepping through them furiously. I stayed behind, back pressed against the wall, unable to move.
“This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.” He paced around the room, his hand pushing back his dark brown hair, only to have it flop right back around his face. “This is one big metaphor for our entire relationship, McKenzie. Hiding. We’re hiding.” He stopped and faced the wall he’d previously pushed me up against. “This is bullshit!”
I was startled by his outburst, and even more taken aback when I saw his hand slam into the wall in front of him. Hayes had never been a violent person and seeing that side of him scared me, but not enough to keep me from going to him.
I pressed my front to his back, wrapping my arms around his waist. He was so much taller than me that my cheek rested right between his shoulder blades. He was practically shaking with anger and I could feel his heart thumping inside his chest.
“This part is only temporary,” I whispered, trying to calm him down. “It won’t always be like this. It won’t always be hard.”
“You deserve better than this,” he rasped. “You shouldn’t be in some dark room, hidden away. You should be out in the daylight, with someone who can stand next to you proudly.”
I squeezed him harder. I loved him more for his words, but also hurt for him, knowing it was killing him a little to be in our situation. I turned my head and pressed a kiss into his back through his white cotton shirt. “I love you, and I’d rather be here in the dark with you than out in the light with anyone else.”
He let out a sigh as one of his hands covered mine, twining his fingers through mine on his chest. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Hayes
At first it was just crying. Then it turned into screaming. By Wednesday evening it was nothing short of night terrors. She was screaming and practically nothing we could do would wake her. Thursday morning, as the sun was rising, I was rocking my mother back and forth as she came out of her dreamlike state, as she sobbed, crying for the son she’d lost. I resisted the urge to shake her, to bring her face right in front of mine and simply wake her up, to scream at her, “I’m still here! You haven’t lost everyone and I still need you!” But somehow I managed to maintain my composure.
I knew she missed my father too, she had to, but most of her grief was focused on Cory. Part of me was afraid once she finally pulled out of this, she’d start all over when she realized she’d never really mourned my father.
Juggling my mother, teaching at the high school, McKenzie, and everything else that came along with a house and two deaths, had me exhausted by Thursday afternoon. I sat at my kitchen table. Mrs. Harris sat across from me, waiting for me to make a decision. I was supposed to be in Bellingham in three hours for my bi-weekly meetings with my cohorts, but I was exhausted and worried about leaving my mother alone for another night.
“I’m worried about you driving, Hayes. You look exhausted.”
I scrubbed my hands over my face, trying to force some life back into me, to rouse the backup reserves I knew were stored in me somewhere. “I’ll be fine. Honestly, I think I can get there all right. It might be the drive back that gives me trouble.”
“So, go and stay the night. I’ll be here all night anyhow.”