Instead of You

“You okay?” It was impossible to hide anything from him it seemed.

“My mom was waiting for me when I got home, and she says she doesn’t think I should be at your house until your mom is a little better off than she is now.” He was silent for a moment, too long of a moment, but when he finally spoke, it surprised me.

“I agree. The things she said to you were out of line. You already know how I feel about it.”

“So, how are we supposed to see each other if I can’t come to your house and we can’t be seen in public together?”

“I can always come over there?” He sounded unsure of his answer.

“Hayes, you know I love you, but hanging out with you and my parents isn’t really the experience I was looking for. This is exactly what I was talking about—this isn’t how relationships are supposed to be.”

“That’s the first time you’ve told me you loved me in a flippant kind of way.” His words were lit up with a smile I couldn’t see, but knew was there regardless. The memory of his smile made my heart flutter a little. “It makes me really happy.”

And I was a McKenzie puddle.

“You want to go on a date?” He sounded serious, which just made me groan.

“You know we can’t go on a date.”

“We can in Bellingham.”

“Hayes, this isn’t funny.”

“I’m not joking.” Suddenly he was excited, as if the idea was blooming in his mind and he couldn’t contain his enthusiasm. “Seriously, have Holly or Becca cover for you, tell your parents you’re spending the night with them, and come to Bellingham with me. We can leave tonight and come back tomorrow.”

“What about your mom?”

“My mom’s been doing okay all week. Still sleeping late, but getting up in the afternoons. She even made dinner last night. She’ll be fine for one night.”

“I don’t know.”

“Listen, I’ll make up some excuse, and ask your mom to check on her. It’s no big deal, really, she’s doing better.”

His plan sounded a little crazy, a little too sneaky, too dishonest, but my mind grabbed hold of the idea of one whole night with Hayes, and suddenly the need to be with him outweighed the risk.

“Okay,” I whispered.

“Okay? You’ll go?”

“I’ll go.”



An hour later we were driving down the interstate in Hayes’s Mustang and I couldn’t help but feel as though I were a criminal running from the law. I was sure someone was going to catch on to us, see us, or simply put two and two together. Becca had been easy enough to convince to cover for me, although I’d had to promise to tell her why I needed an alibi on Monday. I agreed, knowing I’d have a whole weekend to figure out what to tell her. Part of me wanted to tell her the truth, wanted just somebody to know what was going on between Hayes and me. It didn’t feel real otherwise.

He’d told me we were going to meet up with a few of his friends and that terrified me. Especially since he said we were meeting up with them at a bar. He’d assured me that they never checked IDs, but I was still a nervous wreck thinking about sneaking around with my boyfriend who I was certainly not supposed to be dating, but also sneaking into a bar when I was completely, 100 percent underage. But I’d also learned from that conversation that I would apparently follow Hayes anywhere and somewhere deep inside of me, I was perfectly okay with that. I knew, on some base level, that he’d take care of me, that I would be safe with him.

He turned his head, looking at me quickly, then turned his eyes back to the road. His hand, which had been firmly planted on my bare thigh the instant we got on the freeway, gave me a gentle squeeze. “You look like you’re zoning out on me.” He squeezed my thigh again and I figured he knew every time he did that, little bolts of electricity shot through me, causing my lungs to stop functioning and my brain to go muddy.

“No, I’m not. I’m just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About how secure you make me feel.” His head turned and his gaze caught mine for just a few moments before turning away again. “It’s not something I ever really considered before, or ever thought I wanted from someone, until you gave it to me.” I shrugged, looking away, my cheeks heating with the embarrassment of letting my words run away with me. “I don’t know, it’s silly I guess.”

“It’s not, babe. I’m glad I make you feel that way. I’d never let anything happen to you.”

My hand reached for his far cheek as I leaned over the console, and kissed him just below his jawbone. Then, because I could feel the way his heart started thumping and the way his Adam’s apple bobbed, I moved my mouth lower.

“Kenz,” he squeaked as I slowly moved my mouth over his neck, noticing how great he smelled there. “Babe, seriously, I just vowed to keep you safe, so you can’t do this to me while I’m driving a car.”