Instead of You

“Wherever you go to college, I’ll apply for jobs there. That’s my plan. I don’t expect us to live together. You still get to be a college student, but I’d like to be close.”

“I’d like that too,” she whispered and I finally saw the McKenzie smile I loved. The shy one, where one side of her mouth tipped up just slightly higher than the other. “But all the colleges I applied to are here, in Florida.”

“Even more perfect. Less paperwork.” I leaned in and kissed her again. I had just used my teeth to trap her bottom lip, my hands on her hips pulling her into me, when I heard the door handle jiggle. She must have heard it too because she jumped from my lap, wiping her mouth with her palm, eyes wide, definitely starting to panic.

I stood up and put my hands on her shoulders. “Kenz,” I whispered, getting her attention. “Let me handle this.”

She nodded, eyes still wide and scared.

I wiped my own mouth and headed toward the door.

When I stepped close enough to see through the window, my heart rate sped up. Mrs. Anderson was waiting on the other side. I smiled at her, trying to look carefree, then unlocked the door, and opened it wide, hoping she’d think I had nothing to hide. She stepped inside and I watched as her eyes swept the room, landing on McKenzie.

“Mr. Wallace, I came to check in with you to make sure Mr. White’s classes were going according to plan. May I ask why you have a student in your room, alone, with the door locked?”

“Miss Harris is having a rough day and she stopped by to talk. She was upset, so I locked the door, hoping to spare her the embarrassment of other students walking in on her.”

Mrs. Anderson’s eyes were like a pendulum, swinging back and forth between McKenzie and me. When they finally landed and stayed on Kenz, I held my breath.

“Is everything all right, Miss Harris? Did you seek out Mr. Wallace to talk with him?”

“He’s the only person who understands what I’m going through,” she said on a raspy whisper, and I could tell by the look on her face that using Cory as an excuse, to use his death as a cover story, made her ill.

Mrs. Anderson considered her words for a moment, and then I watched with relief as her expression softened and I knew she’d bought our story. “If you need to talk with someone, McKenzie, our counselors are trained to deal with loss and grief. I am sympathetic to your unique situation,” she said to both McKenzie and me, “but we still need to maintain student and teacher boundaries.”

“It won’t happen again,” I said immediately.

“I’m sorry,” McKenzie whispered, and I wanted so badly to reach out to her, because I knew she was beating herself up. We’d taken two steps forward and then faltered with four steps back. I watched as McKenzie grabbed her messenger bag off the floor and hurried out of the room. I ran my hand through my hair again, letting out a sigh, then met Mrs. Anderson’s eyes again.

“It is your responsibility as the teacher to impose the boundaries, Mr. Wallace. I know you have a history with Miss Harris, but you can’t let the lines between you blur.”

“It’s a unique situation and I agree, I didn’t handle it well. It will not happen again.” I maintained eye contact, giving her no reason to think I was deceiving her. After a very long moment, she finally nodded.

“Are things otherwise going all right? Mr. White’s classes going as planned?”

“Everything is under control.” I gave her a tight smile.

“Very well.” She turned on her heel and left the room. I let out a large sigh, combing both hands through my hair, walked back to my chair, and collapsed.

It was then I noticed a button on my shirt was undone.





Chapter Nineteen


McKenzie


I walked into what I thought would be an empty house. Mom and Dad were usually still at work when I got home from school. Mom surprised me by standing at the kitchen counter, coffee mug in hand, seemingly waiting for me.

“What are you doing home? Is everything all right?” I asked as I dropped my bag on my usual chair at the table.

She gave a one-shoulder shrug. “I thought it would be good for us to talk. Things have been pretty crazy and after what happened at Chelsea’s house last week, I just wanted to check in.”

“Oh.” This caught me completely off guard. “Um, okay.”

“Sit down, baby,” she said, motioning to the table. I moved my bag off my seat, hung it on the back of the chair, and sat down. “I just wanted to make sure we’re on the same page. I want to know how you feel about everything.”

“Everything? Meaning what?” I could feel my eyebrows pinching in the middle of my face.

“Well, about losing Cory, and what that means in regard to your future.”

“I feel like I miss Cory.” It was definitely a statement, but it came out more like a question. “I mean, I miss Cory,” I said with more assertion. “I miss him and it’s really sad that he’s gone and won’t get to do all the stuff my friends and I will get to.”

“Like what?”