“I need a fucking drink,” he bit out and went to the kitchen. He pulled out two beers, opening one and downing a good swallow before going into the living room. He sat down on the end of the couch opposite Border and wordlessly held out the other beer.
Border took it, careful not to touch Jake’s fingers, and Jake put his beer up to his lips again. They sat there in silence while Jake’s entire world shifted. He didn’t try to speak, didn’t move over to try and figure out what the hell to do. Because things weren’t done changing yet, and he had a feeling that everything he thought he’d once had would be fucked up beyond all recognition for a while yet.
But for now, he just needed to drink and brood. And then maybe, just maybe, he’d figure out what to do. Because he didn’t want to think about the fact that Border being here made it just a little better—or that Jake wanted Maya by his side for this. She was the one he turned to when things went to hell.
But what happened when he changed things?
Who would he go to then?
Chapter Five
Maya woke up sweaty, with her hand down her panties and unsatisfied. Fucking sex dreams never letting her actually get off when she wanted to. Annoyed, she pulled her hand up and let the other currently cupping her breast fall to the side.
She banged her head against her pillow a few times before rolling over so she could let out a little scream. This was the fifth night in a row where she’d had dreams of having sex with Jake. One night, they’d been at her shop where Jake had bent her over the stool, ramming into her from behind as she shouted his name. Another time, he’d eaten her out on her dining room table for breakfast. They’d had shower sex, missionary in the bedroom, and cowgirl on her couch.
And yet, she’d never gotten off from it.
Instead, the bastard would shoot his load, and she’d reach the crest, only to wake up unable to come and pissed off at the sun for daring to shine in her eyes and wake her up. Fucking sun and fucking mornings.
She closed her eyes and sighed. This was probably why her family steered clear of her until she got her coffee. If she could, she’d probably have stayed away from herself at this point. Instead of rolling out of bed and zombie-walking to her coffee maker, she made her way to her bathroom so she could shower off the scent of unsatisfied sex. She hated that smell. And once she was clean, she’d throw the sheets in the washer so she could ignore the twisted blankets from her sex dreams. Then she’d get coffee and try to caffeine the bitch out of her system. The latter had never fully worked, but there was always hope in sugar and dark roast.
After she took care of business and brushed her teeth, she stripped off her clothes and turned on the shower. Once she was sure she wouldn’t freeze herself to death thanks to shitty pipes, she stepped under the spray and closed her eyes.
The dream had been so vivid. She swore she could still feel Jake’s hands on her hips, his lips on her neck. If she tried, she could still smell him on her skin, and yet, he’d never been there. It had been, what, thirteen years or something since they’d had their night together, and yet she could still remember the feel of him.
The water slicked over her skin and she let her hand fall between her legs. When her fingers brushed over her clit, she bit into her lip. This was so wrong. She shouldn’t be remembering Jake like this, not when he wasn’t hers, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. She’d never gotten herself off in the shower while thinking of him, not even during the few weeks after they’d first met. But now she wasn’t sure she could help herself.
She rubbed her fingers over her clit while leaning back on the cool tile. Between that and the hot water rushing over her breasts and down to her cunt, she had to swallow hard. She arched her hips, slowly teasing herself with one hand and plucking at her nipples with the other. When she slid two fingers into her pussy, she gasped. She was so wet, so hot, she knew she was close. She imagined Jake’s deep voice telling her how dirty she was to be thinking of him while getting herself off, imagined the feel of his beard on her silken inner thighs.
And then she was gone.
Coming hard, her body shaking and her cunt clamping around her fingers. Her knees went weak, and she slowly slid to the floor, grateful she hadn’t hurt herself by falling. When she finally came down from her high, she found herself shaking on the shower floor, her arms wrapped around her knees and her heart heavy.
That was the first and last time she would do that.
It wasn’t fair to Jake, to Holly, and it sure as fuck wasn’t fair to her.
She rested her head on her arms and let a single tear fall. This was it. No more Jake. No more feelings. She’d toughen up and be the bitch she let everyone think she was because she couldn’t do this anymore. It would ache until she couldn’t breathe, but she would watch Jake fall in love with Holly fully and stand back as he found his happiness.
She’d find her own, too, because she couldn’t be this person anymore. She didn’t like this shell who cried in the shower because she was too late to figure out what she wanted, what she needed.