“I’m a writer, it’s my job to notice things like that,” Griffin answered.
“No, you’re usually in your own head since you write fiction, not investigative reporting,” Jake shot back.
Griffin flipped him off. “I’m not that bad.”
“You are,” Luc filled in, “but we’re also getting off-topic. Who stayed here last night, and what the fuck is going on with you, Jake? You’re not yourself.”
Jake swallowed hard. “It was an old friend of mine. And I’m not really in the mood to talk about it. In fact, I don’t even know what to say to begin with so let’s just drop it, okay?”
The guys studied his face before going back to their lunch, and Jake relaxed a fraction. If they could see something was wrong, so could everyone else. He didn’t even want to think about what Maya would see. She always saw everything.
And Holly.
Fuck. And Holly.
He wasn’t being fair to her. He kept telling himself that he would propose, and they would go riding off into the sunset and all that crap because it was what he needed to do. Or, at least what he thought he needed to do. Only it wasn’t right. He liked her, and if he let enough time pass, he might even fall in love with her.
But he wasn’t in love with her yet.
And he knew the only way that would ever happen is if he pushed the two people from his past firmly out of his thoughts and his life.
Fuck. It wasn’t as if Maya and Border had ever met. They weren’t two sides of his coin, but rather, two parts of his past and now his present. He’d always thought Maya would be a part of his future, but not in the way he had once wanted.
And now…and now it was all too much, and he knew if he didn’t do something, he’d hate himself. He’d hate the way he’d eventually treat Holly and the way he’d treat himself.
He’d have to end it with Holly. There was no other way. He wasn’t that much of an asshole, and yet if he continued on this path, he would become a man he didn’t recognize, a man he despised.
Jake didn’t know why Border was there or what would come of it, but he knew it wouldn’t be what he’d once wanted. And as for Maya? They’d firmly placed themselves in friendship territory, and that was where they would stay. However, no matter what, he knew he couldn’t be with a woman he truly didn’t love just because he thought he had to settle.
Because that was something that would break Holly. She was a nice girl. Happy and radiant. And one day, she would make some guy a very happy man. He was just not that man.
He let out a breath, his stomach aching but not quite as much as it had before, and stood up on slightly shaky legs.
“I, uh...I need to get back to work.”
The two men studied him before nodding and helping him clean up. They said their goodbyes, leaving Jake alone in his house with a new resolution settling over his skin.
He could do this because if he didn’t, he’d break them all.
Jake went back to work, knowing his mind wasn’t truly into his art, but he could at least do some parts without being fully into it. By the time the sun had set, his back ached, and his heart hurt, but he was resolved.
The doorbell rang, and Jake let out a breath. It could be anyone, but he had a feeling it would be one of the three people in his mind—Holly, Border, or Maya. Holly wouldn’t just come into his home even though he’d told her she could. That might have been a warning sign for the relationship, but he pushed that thought away. Maya used to walk in whenever she wanted but had stopped doing that once Holly started to stay over. Once again, another warning sign he’d ignored. As for Border? Well, he didn’t know this Border now, did he?
When he opened the door, he wasn’t sure if he should have been concerned or relieved. Holly stood on the doorstep, her lip between her teeth and a worried look on her face.
“Hey, can I come in?” she asked.
Jake stepped out of the way so she could move inside. He didn’t lean down to kiss her or pull her close. Something was off, and frankly, he wasn’t sure how he was going to start the conversation they clearly needed to have.
Tension radiated off her, and Jake frowned. “What’s wrong, Holly?” He helped take her coat, but before he could put his hand on her shoulder, she shuffled away.
When she turned and met his gaze, Jake froze. Tears coated her eyes, but she hadn’t let anything fall down her cheeks yet. In fact, she looked…determined now.
“I don’t think this is working, Jake.”