“What’s that?” Nicole asked.
“These are some possibilities for your table cloths—for the wedding.” She laid them out on the counter. “I particularly like this pattern.” She pointed to a white tablecloth swatch with gold and blue stripes.
Nicole couldn’t even focus on it. She felt a complete and total sense of disinterest in what her mother was showing her. “I…I guess it’s nice,” she murmured.
“Do you? Do you really like it?”
“It’s okay. Yeah.”
“Just okay?”
“Mom, I don’t really know how I feel about the tablecloth designs. I can’t focus on this stuff right now.”
Her mother was growing frustrated and her happy-go-lucky fa?ade appeared to be crumbling. “Now’s the exact right time to focus on these sorts of things. You need to get your mind off all of this depression and into something healthy.”
“I’m just not interested.”
“Fine. Fine.” She grabbed the swatches and swept them all into the plastic bag. “I’m going to leave this bag here for you, and you can let me know when you’ve had a chance to look at it. How’s that sound?”
“That sounds fine, Mom.”
Her mother sucked in her cheeks and subtly shook her head.
Red sighed deeply, as if sensing what was coming. “You know what? I haven’t even given you the tour, Misses Masters.”
Nicole’s mother looked at him and flashed a smile. “You know better than to call me that. My name is Barb.”
“Barb, would you like the tour?”
“That would be wonderful. I can’t believe how much land you have at your disposal, by the way. When I was driving in, I thought I’d somehow been transported to another country. It’s so beautiful here.”
“Thanks,” Red said, taking her by the arm and leading her out of the kitchen.
“Nicole?” her mom asked, looking back over her shoulder. “Are you coming?”
“No, I think I’ll just hang here until you two get back.”
Nicole saw the look of annoyance mixed with worry that flashed over the older woman’s face as Red escorted her out of the kitchen.
Nicole knew he was doing this “tour” primarily to give her a break from her mom, and she was grateful to him for that kindness. But she couldn’t even smile a little—not even when she thought about how amazing Red was and how safe she felt with him lately. Nothing could shake her from this desultory state.
About twenty-five minutes later, Red and her mother returned to the kitchen. They seemed to be getting along famously. Her mother was blushing and laughing like a teenage girl, and Red was chuckling right with her.
“And they let you say that on television?” her mother asked, in response to some story that Nicole hadn’t been privy to.
Red nodded and grinned. “They let me say it because we paid them enough to let me say it. But I didn’t do it just to be controversial, I did it because I believed it was important.”
Her mother nodded. “I think you did the right thing, Red.”
“Apparently the network agreed with you, because they asked me back the following year.”
The two of them walked back to the breakfast nook, where Nicole was still sitting, having barely moved a muscle since they’d left the room.
Her mother turned her attention to Nicole now. “The house is so lovely, honey,” she said.
“Thanks, Mom. I really like it.”
“Are you going to make it your own after the wedding?”
Nicole thought about it, shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s pretty nice the way it is.”
“But it’s still his house—it’s not representative of your tastes, honey. Don’t you agree, Red?”
Red nodded ever so slightly. “Yes, I suppose it’s mostly mine. But then again, I just had a designer come in and set everything up, so in a way it’s not really my taste either.”
“I’d love to come and help both of you redecorate after the wedding,” Nicole’s mother said, her eyes practically lighting up.
“We’ll see, Mom. Let’s just take things a step at a time.”
Her mother sighed. “I’m really trying my best with you, Nicole. What more can I do?”
“I didn’t say you were doing anything wrong.”
“Then what is it?”
Red leaned over the counter and gave Nicole’s hand a squeeze. “I think Nicole’s just tired and sad, Barb.”
“I understand that this was a disappointment,” her mother replied. “But it seems a bit much, the way you’re moping about like life as we know it has ended.”
Nicole looked up at her, and for a brief moment she actually had the urge to slap her across the face. It was gone as quickly as the urge had arisen, but the feeling of intense anger left her shaken. “I don’t have to justify my feelings to you,” she said, her voice shaking slightly.