“Sure. That’s fine.” I’m all business as I open the folder, proud that I’m able to keep my face smooth instead of showing the hurt I’m feeling at him not telling me something so big about his father. He must really be pissed at me. Shit. This is going to be way harder than I ever imagined. I swallow and lift my chin. “So, we have all the contractor bids in. I’ve sorted them in my order of preference, but I wanted to get your feedback before I contact them.”
Xander takes his time scouring the bids, in between answering customer requests, fetching extra napkins, and so on. I settle into a bar stool and just watch him. Growing up, Xander was always a nice guy, a bit more outspoken than Cole was. He didn’t let his mother’s overprotectiveness limit him. No, he always just snuck out and did his own thing. Cole told me more than once how he wanted his brother’s courage.
But when Cole went off for his last deployment, he didn’t see Xander cry and whisper to his wife that he was scared for his brother. That stuck with me.
Cole has definitely become the man he wanted to be. He’s a man who has depths and facets I never explored before. And I don’t want to lose that with him. I need Cole in my life, and all I can do is hope I haven’t blown it with him.
Xander finishes poring over the documents, then nods. “Yeah, I agree with your assessment here. They’re not the most inexpensive, but their reno work looks good, and I’d rather pay for high quality.”
“Excellent.” I gather the material back up and shove it in the folder, standing. “I’ll contact them today and let them know.”
“Great. Cole’s back in the office if you can fill him in on the details, too.”
And just like that, my skin starts to hum all over. He is here. I struggle to breathe past tight lungs. “Oh. Yeah. Sure, okay. I’ll do that.”
Xander raises a brow at me then leans forward. “What’s happening between you two…none of my business. But he cares about you, Lauren. A lot.” His brown eyes are piercing, and I can see the family resemblance strongly right now in the intensity. “Just…go easy on him, okay? He’s stressed right now, and you know Cole—he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders.”
“I don’t want to hurt him. I care about him, too.” I want to be there to help shoulder some of that weight. Again, my heart lurches at the information I learned about his dad. I need to make things right between us, somehow.
I head back to the office and rap on the door.
“Come in,” his familiar, husky voice says, and I open it and peek my head in. He’s bent over paperwork, writing furiously.
“Hey.” My voice is soft, hushed.
His head jerks up and he blinks in surprise. Then the mask falls back over his face and I can’t read his emotions. “Oh. Lauren. Hey.”
I bite my lower lip. “Can I come in? Is this a bad time? I…have some remodeling stuff to discuss.”
“Sure.” He waves me to the chair in front of his desk, and I take a seat.
Quickly I go through the same spiel I told his brother, and Cole glances over the bids we received. While he’s looking at the papers, I’m looking at him, absorbing everything I can. God, he’s so striking, so… I swallow. The things I’m feeling for him are overwhelming, confusing. It’s all happening so fast for me.
What is this thing that makes my heart seize when he looks at me? That makes me want to jump across the desk into his arms, to feel his mouth on mine? It isn’t just lust. I’ve felt that for other men, and it never carried the depth or intensity this emotion does.
That strange sensation crawls back up my chest as a single word whispers in the back of my mind. But I can’t think that, no, not right now. Not when I’m desperate to save any scrap of friendship I can with him. I have to focus on that.
“Whatever you guys think is fine,” Cole finally says as he flips the folder back toward me. “That contractor looks competent.”
“Thanks.” I pause, weigh my next words. “So your dad is home? How are things?” I hope the question sounds as light as I intend.
“Everything’s good, thanks.”
My cheeks burn. God, this is shit. Utter shit. “Are things going to keep being like this between us?” I blurt out. “Distant and awkward? Because…I miss you. So much. And it’s killing me that everything is all messed up.” Tears sting my eyes, and I swipe them away before he can see them spill out. “I can’t stand this, Cole. Tell me how I can fix it.”
His eyes soften a fraction, and he leans toward me. “I miss you too, Lauren. It’s been a rough week for me as I think about everything.” There’s a long, pregnant pause, and I suddenly feel like I’m right on the edge of the cliff, peering down. It’s that jump Cole challenged me about before. But I have a sudden suspicion, based on his face, that I’ll be jumping alone. “I think we should go back to being just friends.”
Yup. Nailed it.