Mom had so failed to mention this part. Too irritated to speak, I crossed my arms over my stomach.
“Typically our sessions will be on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Today is a little different, but we’ll get together tomorrow and get on schedule.”
Three days a week? Oh my God. I exhaled roughly as I looked up at the ceiling. “I don’t think this is necessary.”
He sipped his coffee. “It’s necessary and you’re not the only one that our team has been meeting with. You’re not alone in this.”
My gaze darted to him, and I wanted to ask who else he was meeting with. Was it Sebastian? That would explain why he was so incredibly on point with some of the stuff he’d been saying.
I didn’t ask, because I figured he couldn’t answer that.
“No one is going to judge you for meeting with me.”
I wasn’t so sure about that, since this was high school, after all, and everyone judged everyone for everything.
“And this is needed, Lena. You may not feel like it, and at first it may feel like it’s doing more harm than good.” His gaze was unwavering. “You got some stuff in there you’re going to need to get out.”
Clamping my jaw shut, I didn’t say anything.
He studied me a moment, and I had this unnerving sensation that he saw right into me, gazing upon the stuff I didn’t want to speak out loud.
“The guilt of living when everyone else has died is a heavy weight to carry, Lena, all on its own. Survivor’s guilt is no joke. You’re never going to truly get rid of that burden, but we can lessen it. We can make it bearable.”
I exhaled softly. “How?”
“I know it doesn’t sound possible now, but your life is still going to go on. You’ll have tomorrow. Next week. Next month. Next year. You will eventually move past this.”
I didn’t see how that was possible. “I...I didn’t expect this to happen,” I whispered, briefly squeezing my eyes shut. “I know how stupid that sounds, but I never thought this would happen.”
“It’s not stupid, because no one ever does. No one ever thinks it will be them.” When he paused, I knew right then he knew. He knew. My gaze dropped to the file in front of him, and my heart started racing. Had he spoken to the police? My mom? And when he continued, I wanted to get up and run from the room, but I was rooted to the chair.
“I know what happened.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
“You’re not going to volleyball practice?” Dary asked.
“Not today.” I didn’t elaborate beyond that. Coach had caught me just after lunch, when I was at my locker. He’d asked if I would be at practice, and I told him that I still tired easily and my mom wanted me home.
That wasn’t really a lie.
Coach then told me he expected to see me at practice next week, and I nodded. I had plenty of opportunity to tell him that I wasn’t coming back, but I pushed it off to another day.
In other words, I chickened out.
Sebastian walked several feet ahead in the hallway outside the gym, his backpack slung over his shoulder, mine dangling from his fingertips.
“Not a bad view,” Dary admitted to me in a whisper.
A tired smile tugged at my lips. There was no way I could deny that, but what I really wanted to do was crawl into bed and nap. I was drained.
On the other side of Dary, Abbi’s fingers were flying across the screen of her phone. “He’s being a real helpful guy, isn’t he?”
Surprised, I looked over at her. Abbi hadn’t been very talkative. Not in Chem or at lunch. Everyone else had been chatting. Like the girl in the morning, so many people had approached me throughout the day. I got so many hugs, so many well-wishes from people I barely knew. There were others who didn’t approach me. Jessica and her friends hadn’t, but I guess she wouldn’t, since she’d been dating Cody. Skylar hadn’t looked in my direction during class earlier.
But I got the distinct impression Abbi wasn’t exactly thrilled with me, and there could be a ton of reasons for that. “Yeah, he’s been really...helpful.”
“Is that what they’re calling it nowadays?” Dary joked. “When boys are into you, they’re helpful?”
“That actually sounds like a nice way of putting it.” Abbi’s gaze was on Sebastian’s back. “Has something changed between you two?”
I opened my mouth, about to tell them what Sebastian had told me, but I stopped. I was sure they didn’t want to hear it.
Abbi’s lips pursed as we stepped out the double doors. The sky was overcast, and the scent of rain lingered in the air.
Eyes wide, Dary glanced between us. “I was thinking maybe we could meet up for something to eat later? Like we...we used to do.”
Like we used to with Megan.
“I don’t know,” I said hoarsely. “I have a lot of work to catch up on.”
Abbi’s half smile was bitter and her words sharp as we crossed into the parking lot. “Of course.”
My gaze shot to her as my stomach dipped, and Abbi sighed. “Maybe next week you’ll be better caught up?” she asked.
I nodded and replied with a quiet “Sure.”
“Text you guys later.” Dary quickly kissed my cheek and then Abbi’s before darting off toward where she was parked.
Up ahead, Sebastian looked over his shoulder at me. He was almost near his Jeep and I knew he didn’t have a ton of time, but I had to talk to Abbi. The question was bubbling up. I knew I needed to just keep my mouth shut, but I couldn’t.
I stopped, angling my body toward Abbi’s. “Can we talk for a second?”
Her brows rose as she slowly lifted her gaze from her phone. Her stare wasn’t hostile, but it wasn’t exactly friendly. There was a wall between us. “What’s up?”
Drawing in a shallow breath, I asked, “Are you...mad at me?”
Abbi lowered her phone as she tilted her head to the side. For a moment, I didn’t think she was going to answer. “Honestly?”
My heart turned over heavily. “We’ve always been honest with one another.”
She looked up at the fat clouds and gave a shake of her head. “Let me ask you a question.”
“Okay.”
“What’s going on with you and him?” She jerked her chin in Sebastian’s direction.
“Nothing,” I answered quickly. “He’s just helping me out.”
“Really? That’s what you’re going to say?” Her hand tightened on the strap of her bag. “Because I know he’s not just helping you out.”
“He’s—”
“He told Skylar that he was into you,” she interrupted, dark eyes hard.
I blinked. “He said what?”
“Skylar told Daniela that he admitted to liking you and that is why they broke up last spring,” she explained, shifting her weight from one foot to the next. “That he wasn’t getting back with her, because he couldn’t do that when he had feelings for you. So are you telling me that you have no idea? After all this time you’ve been obsessed with him on the down low, you don’t know he feels this way about you? That he hasn’t been up front with you?”