It’s a half-hour drive, and I’m worried about spending that much time with Kaleb. I’m afraid of the things he’ll say. He made it perfectly clear in the hospital that he wants to explore what he thinks we have once we return home, and now that we have, I wish I would have told him I wasn’t riding with him. I know damn well both Harris and JJ would have taken me.
I follow him across the street into the parking garage, keeping my eyes off of his tempting ass and the strong muscles across his back. He’s mouthwatering. He’s dangerous, and if I don’t stay the hell away from him, he could destroy me. All he wants from me is a fuck. With the kind of man he is, I could easily fall for him. I may be strong, a soldier trained to harden both her inner and outer shell, but there isn’t any amount of training that can guard my heart. He would break me. Shatter me. I can’t have that. Especially with everything going on right now.
“Nice,” I say when we stroll up to a white older model Jeep. “This is my girl. 1979 CJ5. My parents bought it for me when I was sixteen. I love this thing.” He pulls out a set of keys from his pocket and unlocks my door before tossing our bags in the back.
“I like it, it’s you.” He turns toward me, crossing his arms over his massive chest. His gaze turns instantly dark. “Is that a compliment, Jade?” I study him. My mind is so foggy and the effects of the pain pill have to be lingering still; there is no way the woman that I am wouldn’t have a smartass comeback waiting to snap back.
“Kaleb. I merely said it’s you. Which means it’s manly. Nothing more.” His lips twitch. Why is this so strange?
“You’re a shit liar, Jade. There’s more. There will always be more. This wall you’ve suddenly built around yourself will not stop me. You know damn well I have the sources to blow that wall to shreds, to make it shatter. I have no clue what’s running through that gorgeous head of yours, but we will be talking. You will listen and most importantly, Jade, you will become mine.” He’s speaking to me as if he’s still my Commander, and I don’t like it at all. Finally, I feel Jade swim to the surface, plunging her way through the murky waters and ready to show her true self.
“You don’t own me. No one does. No one ever will. And if I decide I want to be in a relationship, it sure as hell won’t be with a man like you.” I’m so angry right now. I go to move past him, but he reaches out to draw me close to him. He wraps his arms around my waist carefully. I sigh out of frustration. This arrogant bastard will not listen to a word I say, and it’s pissing me the fuck off. All he had to say was I will become his and the fog lifted from within my head. Like I’m something that can be owned.
“I don’t want to own you. I want you to be yourself. To see you smile, laugh like you did back there when I told you I drove a Jeep. I want to surprise you with shit like that. To turn your world upside down, to drive you insanely mad with desire. Then turn around and fill that desire with everything I’ve got to please you. I know you can’t get this shit through your thick skull, but goddamn it, Jade. How many times do I have to tell you that it’s more than sex? I want us to get to know each other. Jesus Christ, what the hell are you hiding from?” I stand stoic. His words shock me to the middle of my chest. How can I tell him I have no idea what I’m afraid of when I don’t even know myself? Maybe it’s the way whatever this is between us started off. I knew the man for five minutes before I had his dick slamming into my *, making me want to yell out like a crazy woman.
Then it hits me, my brainwaves working overtime. I’m a slut. I let a man fuck me every way he could without knowing a damn thing about him. Without giving a second thought to the way I would feel about myself when we returned home. He knows everything about me, and I don’t know a damn thing about him, except for the little bit he told me. How can he stand here and not see me this way? Not see me as the slut I am? I feel tears pricking my eyes and I hate it. I hate the woman who has returned home. When I left here trained and prepared, I never thought I would come back broken and weak. This isn’t me at all.
I pull away from him somehow and try to find some sort of strength to speak.
“Kaleb, I’m not hiding from anything. I’m scared. With everything that’s happened between us and then I shot that child. I can’t think straight.” My hands fly up to my head, squeezing the sides as the pounding headache travels from the back of my head around to the front.