She stood in the middle of the room with her arms crossed protectively over her chest. Her eyes mirrored my tiredness and her hair dangled all over as if she’d just woken up. “I heard you say enough during our last conversation. I don’t need to hear any more.”
“I know, but I’m asking you to hear me out, because I messed up. Please, baby, just let me say what I want to say, and if you want me to leave, I will.” I moved to her and grabbed her hands, pulling her arms away from her chest. Then I settled her on the edge of the bed, where I knelt between her legs and wrapped my arms around her waist. Her willingness to move and her silence gave me the confidence I needed to continue. With her eyes locked on mine, I began the most important dialogue of my life. I had everything to lose.
“I’m so sorry, Janelle. I saw his messages, and the ones you sent back to him and I—”
“But I didn’t send any back to him. I ignored him. Didn’t you see that?”
“I did…but I’m talking about the ones prior to those. The ones where you told him you didn’t love me, and that you had a plan but needed him to give you a week. I read the one where you talked about how you wanted the money, and I jumped to conclusions without speaking to you first. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am.”
She ran her fingers through my hair, concentrating on her favorite spot right over my ears. The spot she always went to when we’d lie in bed together. “I just don’t understand why you reacted that way. Why didn’t you just talk to me about it? I would’ve explained it all to you. This could’ve been just a speedbump in our relationship instead of the end.”
“I know, but I guess I thought anything you said would be a lie.”
“You thought I’d lie to you? You don’t trust me?”
“I do. Instead of giving you the benefit of the doubt, I thought the worst.” I needed her to understand that I was telling the truth. “I trust you, but in that moment, I was scared shitless. Maybe what scared me the most was that you’d confess the one thing I feared the most.”
“What?” She studied my face with confusion as she waited for me to explain.
“I feared you’d admit that you didn’t have any feelings for me and were playing me all along. Finding out it had always been about the money devastated me.”
“What? No.” Her gaze narrowed and held me captive. “You thought that?”
“Kinda. No. Maybe.” I shook my head and closed my eyes, needing a moment to gather myself. “Honestly? I wasn’t sure how I felt after reading your texts. You’d told me that you worried I’d get the raw end of the deal. Then you told that dipshit you really wanted the money. I guess the final confirmation was when I asked you about it and you said it had always been about the money.”
Her shoulders drooped and her expression softened. “When I told you I didn’t want you to end up hurt, it had nothing to do with that. I just meant I didn’t want you to go through all that trouble and then I end up failing at starting my own business. I didn’t want you to be stuck with a lease on a storefront without anything to use it for. And yes, I told Connor I wanted the money, because I do. Fifty thousand dollars is a lot to me. In fact, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t want that kind of money. But that’s it.
“The plan I was talking about was to talk to you, but I couldn’t tell Connor that. That all happened the day I brought your lunch to you at work. We talked that night, that’s when we decided to see where things would go. That was the entirety of my plan, believe it or not. I decided I’d bring it up and test the water to see where your head was at. I told him to give me a week in case I didn’t have the confidence to bring it up to you right away. But I still didn’t have an answer for him because you and I hadn’t come to any conclusions. We only decided to wait…so that’s what I was doing.”
She had my head spinning in circles, unsure of which way was up or down.
“I couldn’t tell him that we wouldn’t be getting the money because I had chosen you, because I wasn’t certain where we stood. So the last thing I wanted to do was give up the money and then end up losing you in the end. I wanted you, if I had my choice, it would’ve been you. Forever. But I didn’t know where your heart was.”
“You’ve always had it, baby. Always.” I reached into my pocket and pulled out the gold band. Holding it between my fingers, I took her hand in mine and watched her eyes widen and turn brighter.
“W-what’s that?”
“This is your wedding band. I found it on the nightstand the next morning when I was straightening up your hotel room. You didn’t remember anything, so I took it with me, and I’ve saved it all these years. Many things have gone wrong with us on our quest to make it right. It started that morning—after one of the best nights of my life—when I didn’t tell you the truth. I should’ve come clean then, once I realized your memory loss. Then I allowed the charade to continue for five years when I refused to reach out to you. Call it stubbornness or being pigheaded. I deserve every name you can think of to call me. Over the past couple months, we went about it all wrong. We tiptoed around each other instead of verbalizing what should’ve been said five long years ago. I want you to have this, to wear it again. I want to put it on your finger like I did years ago, but this time, I want it to stay there.”
Her lack of words, the worry in her stare, and the harsh swallow she took while regarding me with a pained expression, made my stomach turn. Nothing about her actions set me at ease. They only served to heighten my fear that maybe I had been too late. That I had pushed her too far away.
I should’ve known it would take more than a plain gold band to make things right again. I would do anything to correct the situation. I would’ve strung up lights all the way to the moon and back if that’s what was required.
“Please tell me you haven’t filed for divorce yet. Fuck…please, Jelly. Did you meet with the producers? What did you decide?” The frantic words flew from my lips faster than I could stop them. But I didn’t care, even though I had everything to lose. She needed to be made aware of how I felt, because I was done hiding. I was done playing it safe or trying to keep her from running off.
She licked her lips and closed her eyes for a brief moment before she finally spoke. “Did they ever call you, earlier this year to ask if we were married? Or did anyone for that matter?”