“I want to talk to you, but you weren’t inside where I left you.”
“Where you left me?” she teases, tilting her head back to look up at me. “What am I? A little trinket of yours that you can place wherever you choose?”
“Something like that.” I shoot her an amorous wink and watch her beautiful smile creep in. “Come. Sit with me.”
We walk over to a bench perched aside the stream coated in ice.
“I just spoke with Lachlan and wanted to let you know where we are in regards to finding your father.”
Blithe ease fades into yearning hope rimmed in years of pain.
“Do you want to talk about this right now?” I ask as her body language takes on a sudden shift.
“Yes.” Her voice is full of anxiety, eager for answers. “What did you find?”
“Evidence of his death.”
“But he isn’t dead.” Her voice pitches with even more anxiety.
“I know that. Lachlan is doing what he can to get a copy of the list of passengers. When we get that, we can go from there.”
“Well, how long is that going to take?”
“He’s working as fast as he can, but he doesn’t have any straight connections with the airline.”
Frustration marks her face as I watch her body tense up and fight back against the puddle of tears in her eyes. She’s unmoving, and it’s taking all her strength to not lose her composure. I wish I could give her the answers she’s so eager for. It’s a painful sight to see the one I love ache so badly.
I reach my arm around her shoulders, and coax, “It’s okay to cry. It won’t hurt as bad if you let go of some of the pain.”
“I spent my life crying for my father, and it’s never lessened the pain,” she says, refusing my words.
“Look at me,” I demand, and when she does, I continue, “This is not fine. You holding everything in is not fine.”
“Why do you want to see me break so badly?”
“You’re breaking right now,” I rebut. “You, forcing yourself not to feel the hurt. You, pushing me away. You present a stone exterior, but it’s just a fa?ade of all your brokenness inside. You’re a fool’s paradise, but I’m no fool. I see right through you.”
“You’re an asshole,” she bites, pissed that I’m calling her out on her charade, but I won’t back down.
“What are you afraid of? My seeing you in a light you’re embarrassed of? I’ve seen you at your worst. Or are you still worried about feeling too much that you’ll break apart and be unable to put the pieces back together? What is it?”
“Why are you pushing so hard?”
“If you can’t put yourself back together then I’ll do it for you.”
“Stop!”
“Is that why you won’t let me touch you?”
At that, she jerks away from me, but I grip her arms tightly.
“Let go!”
“Why won’t you let me fuck you?” I hiss, losing my control and letting frustration and rejection spew out of me. “Answer me, for Christ’s sake!”
My voice strains in temper as she fights against my hold, and I eventually loosen my grip and allow her to break away from me. She stands and stumbles back, fuming in pure anger.
“Is that the problem?” she spits. “Your ego is hurt because you can’t get in my pants?”
I stand and walk right up to her, chest to chest. “You know damn well that if I wanted what was in your pants, I’d take it.”
“Then take it. I don’t give a shit. If that’s all you want, then have it.” Her words taunt, but they infuriate me even more.
“You’re so fucking blind. It’s not your * I want. It’s so much more than just that. I want all of you. Every piece. I want to be inside of you because that’s the one place you’ll be so weak you’ll have no choice but to hand all of yourself over to me.”
With a slight shake of her head, she looks deep into my eyes, confessing on a whisper, “I just can’t.”
My hands clutch her face and I speak with fervency, “You can. I need you to try.”
“But you have me,” she cries out. “I’m here. I’m not running away.”
“Stop avoiding.”
“I’m n—”
“You’re here,” I break in, cutting her off. “But you’re not really here. You may lie next to me every night, but you’re not really there. You’re somewhere else entirely. Somewhere deep inside that body of yours, you’re hiding away.”
There’s no response on her part, only glaring eyes that expose just how furious she is.
“How many times do I have to tell you to convince you that you’re safe here? That you’re safe with me?”
“Let go of me, please,” she requests in an even tone.