HIS VIOLENT SCREAMS echo through the house as I bolt down the stairs to the bedroom, scared that he will take what I’m terrified to give. Not that I don’t want to be close with him, but it’s the ramifications I’m not ready for. I shut the door, and try to calm myself down.
“What are you doing?”
I look up, relieved to have Pike here with me right now. “Where have you been?” I say breathlessly as I rush into his arms. “I’ve missed you.”
There’s never any temperature to his touch, but there’s pressure, and it’s enough to soothe.
“Just because you can’t see me doesn’t mean I’m not always here.”
“Don’t leave,” I beg of him. “Stay with me, just for a while.”
He strokes his hands through my hair, cradling me close, and I nuzzle my face against his chest. With a deep breath through my nose, I inhale his scent through the fibers of his shirt.
“I’m worried about you.”
An overwhelming neediness consumes me, and I finally let the tears fall that I’ve been holding in for days now. “I miss you so much, Pike,” I cry. “It only gets worse as time passes.”
“Is that why you’re not taking your meds?”
“I won’t ever say goodbye to you, Pike. Don’t even think about asking me to because it’ll never happen. I’m keeping you for always.”
“I want you to get better though.”
“You make me better. You always have.”
We walk over to the bed and slip in. I rest my head in the center of his chest as we lie together, and even though I’m in the arms of a dead man, I feel at home. For the first time since Declan found me with Richard, I feel at peace, in the arms of my brother. He continues to hold me as time passes and the sun sets, darkening the room.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Why are you shutting Declan out after all you’ve been through to be with him?”
“You know why,” I tell him. “You know me better than anyone else does.”
“Why are you letting your fear win?”
“I’m not. I’m only protecting myself the way you taught me.”
“I taught you to protect yourself against people who hurt you. Declan’s not trying to hurt you, but you’re definitely hurting him.”
Sitting up, I look down to Pike and take in each and every feature, unable to look away.
“What is it? What do you want to say?” he questions, reading my face and knowing I’m hiding something.
“You’ll think I’m crazy.”
He smiles, and it’s so perfect with the moon casting its glow down upon him. “I already think you’re crazy, Elizabeth. But I’m crazy too. So, tell me what you’re thinking about.”
My mind drifts back through our life together. He was always there for me in ways no one else was, giving me what I needed to escape and numb.
“Just say it.”
“Take my pain away,” I request hesitantly.
He sits up, looking at me as if I’ve lost my mind by asking him for sex. Maybe I have, but I know what I need, and it’s him. He has the power to stop the world from spinning so out of control. If even for just a moment, I crave the reprieve.
“Please, Pike.” My voice, filled with so much pain and sadness, pleads as tears drip from my chin.
“I’m not real.”
“To me you are.”
“Elizabeth,” he says cautiously and then repeats, “I’m not real.”
“But I feel you,” I tell him, taking his hand in mine. “I can feel you.”
“It’s not real.”
“It is!”
He wraps his arms around me, and I cling to him—desperate for him.
“I’m not crazy. I feel this; I feel your arms holding me. Tell me you feel it too.”
“Elizabeth, no. We can’t.”
“Why not?”
Pike takes my arms in his hands and pushes back to look at me straight on. “Because of Declan.”
“But he can’t give me what you can.”
“He can give you something better.”
“It’s too much though.”
“Trust him to know your limits. And trust me when I tell you that he loves you. He’ll take better care of you than I did—than I ever could.”
“You took perfect care of me.”
He takes my face, kissing me softly, and the selfish animal in me moves to wrap my arms around him as tight as I can to keep him close, but my arms slip right through him. My eyes pop open, and I’m all alone. He’s gone with a faint shift in the air, whispering, “I’m never too far from you.”
“Pike!” I cry out, but it’s no use.