Pim swallowed, bracing her shoulders. “I just…I thought…you know what, it doesn’t matter. Never mind.”
I vibrated in frustration. For her to tempt me with conversation and then deny it…yeah, that isn’t gonna go down so well. Lust built. Self-control wavered. Danger brewed. “Everything about you matters, Pim. Every random thought. Every request you’re too afraid to say.” I lowered my voice, trying to hide my snarl. “Tell me and don’t refuse again.”
She threw her chin up in defiance. “You said you’d give me one night. You told me you’d take me. That we’d—” She waved her hand in the air. “You know.”
“Have sex.”
She glanced at her toes. “Yes.”
“And you’re disappointed? Hurt? Wishing you could take it all back?”
“No!” Her eyes popped wide. “Not at all. How could you even ask that?”
“I can ask because I knew you weren’t ready. I shouldn’t have used you like that.”
“You didn’t use me.” Her cheeks warmed. “I mean, last night…it was the best night of my life. You showed me how to own my body again. You showed me what it’s capable of yet—”
“Yet what?”
“You gave me something incredible, Elder. You gave me pleasure. You are the first person I’m not afraid of. The first man I willingly want to touch and kiss. That’s huge. Life changing. You have no idea what that means to me.”
Heat twined its way around my heart, but I shot it away. “And your point is?”
She flinched a little at my cold-heartedness but pushed on. “My point is I was only able to come and enjoy what happened between us because you let me touch you. You let me kiss you. You let me use you as my anchor.”
I didn’t see her point. My arms shook as I battled the need to either yell at her to spit it out or run. Run back to the Phantom and grab my cello, so I had something to do with my hands, my mind, my sanity.
“Wrap it up, Pim. I’m late.”
Work was a good excuse. It wasn’t running if I had prior engagements.
She slammed her hands on her hips. “What I’m trying to say, Elder, is you can’t give me something like that and then refuse to give it again.”
A dark chuckle fell from my lips. “That’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard.”
“What? How?” Temper glowed in her eyes. “I just told you I was able to achieve an orgasm—something that was the holy grail never to be achieved for a girl like me—thanks to you. I just told you how much it meant to me to be able to touch you, kiss you, and now you’re telling me I can never have that again? Don’t you get it? I could only come because it was you. And now I don’t have you anymore. You want to talk and that only means one thing.”
“What does it mean?”
“You’re sending me away. You’ve had me, and now, I’m not a challenge.” Furious tears tracked down her face. “You give me something I never thought I could enjoy, and it comes with time limits and caveats!” Her little fist struck my chest. “I would rather you never showed me what love could be like because now I not only know abuse but I know the pain of being alone!”
Grabbing her hands as she went to hit me again, I yanked her against me. “That wasn’t love, little mouse. That was fucking.”
“It wasn’t fucking, and you know it! There was something there. If there wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been able to do what I did. I wouldn’t be standing here screaming at you to give it to me again.”
“Give it to you again?” I swooped forward, spinning her around and slamming her against the door. “You want my cock again?” Wedging my body along hers, I growled, “I warned you, Pim. Once is all I could give you. You already had me twice. Don’t push your luck.”
“Twice? The first time wasn’t sex, Elder. That was rape!”
I locked down.
Muscles, skeleton, heart, and soul. Locked down into a tiny box where nothing could touch me.
Throwing her away, I backed up. “You’re right. It was. And that’s why whatever this is…it’s through.”
She laughed like a deranged necromancer. “I just told you I want more. That I don’t care about the first time. That I only care about what happened last night. And all you can focus on is ending it! I want more, Elder. Not less. I’ve never wanted something for myself other than freedom, and now I’m asking for more of you, and you don’t want to give it!”
Stalking me, she crammed me against the vanity where only moments ago, I’d been the one controlling things. “I know I’m making this difficult on you. And I know I shouldn’t. At dinner last night, I promised myself I wouldn’t ask for more than what you wanted to give. But why can it only be the once? I don’t understand. We can figure something out. We have to figure something out. You need to master me? Well, master me! Tell me what you need so I can get what I need.”
I braced every part of me, ignoring all the invitations and solutions she was willing to give. “What you need is a good fucking hiding for thinking you can manipulate me.”
She stood stock-still, bare toes white on the marble tiles. “That’s what you want? Have you been lying to me this entire time? That you aren’t protecting me but secretly wanting to beat me…like him?”
I snarled. “Don’t ever compare me to him. It’s a turn of phrase, that’s all.”
“Well, what am I supposed to think?” She threw her hands up. “Was I that terrible? Was sleeping with me such an awful experience that you’re using your OCD as an excuse, so you don’t have to touch me again?”
Arguing with me was never a good thing.
Throwing accusations that were completely false right in my goddamn face was a red flag to a raging bull.
My hand came up. My fingers wrapped around her throat. I forced her against the wall. “Don’t ever speak to me like that again. You don’t know me.”
Her fingernails scratched at my wrists. The age-old panic of her neck being touched sent her straight to her past. If I was a better man, I would let her go. I would gather her in a hug and tell her the truth—that I was doing my best to protect her all while hurting her.
But I wasn’t.
So I didn’t.
Instead, my fingers tightened until she hung submissive and listening in my hold. “You’re wrong on everything.”
Her lips thinned, but she didn’t retaliate. Her entire concentration was used on remaining here with me and not letting her mind disengage to remove the threat of my hold.
I would use that to my advantage.
“You have to know why you’re wrong.” I stepped closer, crowding her against the wall. “You must know.”
Light pinpricked through the anger in her gaze. She wouldn’t speak, not while I held her larynx but I could.
It was her turn to fucking listen.
“Last night, I came twice and didn’t soften. Last night, I got to bed a girl who I can’t stop thinking about.” With my free hand, I tucked damp hair behind her ear. “I want that again. I want to bend you over and fill you, right here, right now.” My cock sprang up, wanting to admit how cruel I was to deny my need to fuck her with every breath. “But if I do that, little mouse, that’s all I’ll be able to do for the rest of goddamn time.”