However, what was unbearably worse, was when those warm eyes that could melt the coldest block of ice, turned hard as stone. An impermeable wall replaced a unique openness that I loved. The unforgiving accusations would bring me instantly awake. The only thing I could do was work, keep my mind busy, and away from the misery that I caused.
A glance at the clock told me it was mid morning already, another sleepless night for me. With a heavy sigh, I stood and headed to the kitchen for more coffee. The pot was empty, so I quickly started a fresh batch and searched for something to eat.
Alex walked into the kitchen, and I turned to look at him. He gave me a once over, probably noticing my wrinkled appearance. I was in desperate need of a shower and clean clothes, among other things.
Just as Alex was about to say something the phone rang. As he reached over to pick up the wall mount, I wondered what he was about to say. Most likely, it would be the same thing as usual. He would accuse me of not sleeping or eating enough, maybe even tell me I stink. I shrugged. It was all very predictable and unnecessary. And true, I admitted.
If Alex just took one glance in the mirror, he would see something similar. The clean clothes couldn’t hide the dark circles or obvious strain that had etched into the lines of his face. We were both taking a trip to hell, and I was pretty damn sure it was permanent.
I was looking at Alex's face and cataloguing every wrinkle and sad expression that hadn't been there a few months ago, when my heart began to pound faster. Alex looked shocked at first, but then whatever the person on the phone said had his skin blanching and his expression turning into one of pure terror.
"What hospital?" Alex asked the caller abruptly. He nodded and said, "We'll be there soon."
"What's going on?"
Alex was looking ill, so I knew whatever he was about to tell me was going to be bad. I just hadn’t expected it to be so dire.
"Sam,” Alex whispered.
I froze at the sound of her name. We hadn’t spoken of the beautiful woman that used to live down the hall in months. It was too painful, but not as painful as this, I thought.
I had no words for the fear that was running through me. I couldn’t think, did not want to think of what could have happened. I could only wait for Alex to tell me.
He didn't. Instead, he took off for his bedroom, returning with his shoes on and his keys in hand.
"What happened?" I asked as I watched Alex run around frantically.
Finally, he stopped and stared at me in surprise, as if he had completely forgotten my presence.
"Sam, she was in a car accident. We have to get to the hospital in Knoxville."
A sharp pain spread through my chest, and I pressed my hand against my breastbone. Dark spots appeared in front of my eyes. I shut them briefly and took a deep, painful breath. I couldn't give into it, I scolded myself. It was time to be strong, time for control.
I didn’t say or ask anything more. Opening my eyes, I dropped my hand away from my aching heart and took the car keys away from Alex's cold fingers. I would be driving.
The drive to the hospital was made in restless silence. The trip was long, almost an hour. I was assuming Sam lived near the hospital, and it shamed me further to know we had hurt her enough that she felt she needed to move so far away from us.
After parking, we hurried inside and went straight to the information desk. We were both upset, but I’d had more experience with blocking out my emotions, so I was the one who spoke to the nurse. As soon as we found out Sam's room number, we shot off to the elevators as quickly as we could.
When we exited, my nose wrinkled in disgust. I hated the smells in a hospital, a mixture of sickness and disinfectant. I couldn’t control the shiver that went down my spine, as I tried to breathe normally. It smelled like death waiting.
We walked down the long hallway, until I noticed a pretty blonde was standing outside of a room, waiting. I recognized her as Liz, Sam's best friend. We had met a few times, but I didn’t acknowledge her as I passed. I needed to see Sam first.
I heard Alex speak to Liz, as I opened the door. I would have to thank him later for letting me have a moment alone with Sam first. The door clicked shut behind me, leaving the room quiet, except for the soft drips of the IV and a few other noises made by machines I didn’t recognize.
Lying on the bed was a small woman wrapped tightly in hospital blankets. She was facing away from me, on her side, so that all I could see was her long brown hair spread out behind her.
Hesitantly. I walked closer. Long dark lashes rested against her high cheekbones. Her soft lips were parted slightly and her breathing was even. She was asleep.
I stood silent, staring at the beautiful woman and detested how vulnerable she looked. Her skin was pale, except for the dark bruises and scratches that marred her face and neck. I leaned closer. Were those burns?