"Off to work?"
"Yep, I have meetings all day," Liz said while sliding on a pair of matching pumps. "Hopefully they won't run long, and I can be home for dinner."
"No worries if you're not. It's my turn to cook. And by the way, I love the dress."
"Thanks, you’re looking good yourself," she said with a smile.
I looked down at my comfortable maternity wear and thought, yeah right. Knowing exactly what I was thinking as usual, Liz rolled her eyes and left for work.
Not long after Liz had gone, I was driving to my doctor's office. There was nothing special about the visit, just a routine check up, but I was feeling anxious. I always felt that way before seeing the doctor. I guessed it was the fear of finding something wrong that had my heart beating a little faster.
I was positive everything was all right, but I didn't think I could handle losing the baby. She was so precious to me, and she was a part of them, Jordan and Alex. Only one was the biological father, but I didn’t want to know which. I liked to think of the baby as being a part of them both.
As my pregnancy progressed, I had begun to wonder if I had done the right thing by telling them I was going to have an abortion. They had made their opinion very clear on having children. Neither wanted to have a baby, but if I thought about it, what guy wanted to start having kids right at the beginning of a relationship?
I pressed lightly on the brakes, easing to a stop at a red light. As I sat waiting for it to turn green, I wondered, not for the first time, if maybe I should get in touch with them. They did have a right to know about our baby girl.
I didn’t need anything from them, we would be all right alone. I also knew it would never change how they felt about me. The three of us were over and done, that was a given, but I was eaten up with guilt over keeping the news from them.
As I was turning the dial on the radio, a car horn and revving engine got my attention, and my head jerked up to see the commotion. In that horrific moment, everything began moving in slow motion.
A green Taurus was swerving through the intersection, and heading right toward my little VW bug. I scanned around me and found nowhere to go. I looked back at the oncoming car just in time to watch it slam into my passenger side.
My mouth opened in a scream, as my car rocked and spun from the impact. Glass shattered, metal groaned, and I was thrown sideways into the door with the momentum. I remembered later how strange it was to actually hear the disgusting sound of bone cracking, as my body slammed against the car door.
The air bag deployed, making me flinch back. I was too close to the steering wheel and felt my face sting with fresh burns. I could hardly breathe with all the powder in the air.
Suddenly, all was silent and unmoving. I tried to focus on my breathing, but could not stop coughing, as smoke filled my lungs. Remembering the baby, my calm breathing went out the window. My right hand wrapped around my belly, as I began to cry and pray that she would be okay. Just the thought of something happening to Ava was causing a full-blown panic attack.
I couldn't get enough air and my heart pounded so hard I felt it in my ears. My vision was getting blurry, as the pain spreading throughout my body became more intense.
I barely registered a muffled voice to my left, but I couldn't respond. The blurry vision was turning dark, and I began feeling numb.
My last thoughts before my surroundings disappeared, was that I hoped the baby would be safe and that Jordan and Alex could have been there with me.
7
Jordan
Rubbing my bleary eyes with the palms of my hands, I tried to focus on the bright computer screen. However, the colors and words only blurred together. With a half-hearted curse, I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes.
I really needed a break. I had been working non-stop for the last three months on very little rest. A good night’s sleep was getting harder and harder to come by. I was down to only about an hour a night. Not good, I admitted, but I knew I would survive. I had been through worse during missions, I told myself.
Yet, every damn time I closed my eyes, another set awaited. Eyes so sweet, they reminded me of chocolate swirled with caramel. They danced with sensuous amusement, their long lashes torturing me with flirtation.
As I watched the pleasure turn to glistening tears, an ache would begin in my chest. I was the cause of that misery, and I could never forgive myself for that.