I figured if I kept asking, eventually Jordan would tell me the details. He also didn't miss the fact that I said our mission, not just his. He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t argue.
"Not sure yet. Teij said stay ready, he will call when it's time. Right now, these are only rumors. It could be a while before anything is decided."
I stared at him long and hard, looking for deception. Jordan's gaze never wavered. He was telling the truth. I gave him a sharp nod. The conversation was over for the moment, but when the time came, I would get my answers. There had to be a damn good reason for keeping me away from a mission, and I wanted to know what in the hell was going on.
Jordan stood up and smiled tightly. "Don't worry about the coffee. I'm going to sleep."
"Wait," I called just as he turned down the hall to his bedroom.
"What?" He asked, turning around. Great, I thought, he looked irritated again.
"We have one more thing to discuss." I raised an eyebrow.
Jordan ran his hands over his face. "Not now, Alex. I'm tired. We can talk when I wake up."
I nodded, but he didn't see me. He had already headed back to his room. I wasn’t going to argue with him. I would let him sleep, for now, I thought. I would argue with him later.
Rubbing the back of my neck, I looked around the office. Jordan and I had started a computer programming and web development company years ago, before the Alpha Division approached us. We kept the company running, using it not only as a cover, but also for the extra money.
Things were in order, and there were no projects needing my attention. It was a good thing too. My brain felt fried with everything that was going on.
It was times like these, I reflected, that I wished I could talk to Sam. Hell, I missed her. That was exactly what I wanted to talk to Jordan about. We did do her wrong, and I wanted to make it right.
I couldn't help but remember our last conversation, or I should say fight. I was surprised, yet pleased when she confessed to caring about us, but when she told us how we didn't do anything except fuck anymore, I felt like a total bastard.
She was right, of course. Jordan and I had decided we shouldn’t get too serious with Sam. We hadn’t wanted to get her messed up in our complicated lives. It was too dangerous, and she deserved so much more.
She was pregnant. Past tense, maybe, since she decided on an abortion. That thought alone made my eyes water. Damn! I shouldn’t have stayed away so long. I could have stopped her, but I didn't, and I would live the rest of my life regretting that decision.
A sudden urge to see her, to make sure she was all right, came over me. I hoped that I could get to her in time. Maybe she hadn’t made an appointment yet. I hoped.
I quickly left the office and turned toward Jordan's door, but stopped. He was asleep already, I was sure, so I couldn't talk to him first. My fingers connected with my scalp, as I ran my hands through my hair, and Sam's words hit me like a brick over the head. He speaks for you now?
"No," I said aloud. He doesn't. Yes, we usually made our decisions together, but I did not answer to him. I made my own choices.
With that thought, I left and headed downstairs to Sam's apartment. I stared at the door a moment, wondering what kind of reception I was about to receive. I knew she had to be angry, but seeing her fuming was better than not seeing her at all.
I raised my fist and knocked, but stepped back when the door pushed in.
"What in the hell is she doing leaving her door open like this?" My growl echoed through the empty hallway.
Pressing on the door, I peeked inside and called, "Sam?" There was no answer.
Stepping inside, I froze. The place was eerily quiet, and it was obvious no one lived there anymore, but I had to check.
The only thing in the living room was the heavy furniture that came with the apartment. No books, or little ceramic figurines she used to put on the shelves. I found the kitchen in the same condition. The drawers, fridge and cabinets were all empty.
Slamming a cabinet hard, I turned and practically ran to the bedroom and stopped dead in the doorway, breathing heavily. Not from exertion, but sheer panic. The bed was gone, the drawers were open and empty along with the closet.
I leaned against the door jam and cursed. My eyes stung, and I fought the urge to cry like a baby. How strange, I thought. I knew I cared for the damn woman, but now that she was gone, it felt like more.
My laugh sounded harsh in the silent, empty room. More. Was that not what she’d asked for? How ironic that I would have such a sudden craving for the same.
My nostrils flared as I breathed in deep, trying to catch a hint of Sam's sweet scent. It was there, just barely, but my extraordinary senses made it easier to find. She smelled of jasmine and innocence. She was so pure, so good, nothing like the monster I was.