“Perfect. I think it would be advisable to organize a lunch or dinner afterward, and Amalie can brief you on her opinions while they’re fresh, you too, Ruby.”
Amie and I exchange a quick glance. She looks completely shell-shocked. I don’t know whether I should be offended or not, or what the root of that emotion is. Now I really need to get her alone so I can talk to her without all of these people around.
The opportunity doesn’t arise until the dishes are cleared and we have an intermission before coffee and dessert. Amie excuses herself to the bathroom as people disperse from the table. I use the opportunity to take the shortcut to the powder room I assume she’ll use.
“Oh!” She stumbles back, her palm covering her mouth when she steps into the bathroom and finds me already in there. I follow her into the hall, grab her wrist, and pull her down to the next door, which happens to be my childhood bedroom. The room has been redecorated, everything a subtle, cool gray with white and black accents.
I close the door and flip the lock for privacy, standing in front of it so she can’t continue to evade me.
“What’re you doing?” Amie backs away from me as if I’m a grenade missing the pin.
I stay where I am, hoping I can calm her. “I think we need to talk.”
“I don’t think we should be alone together right now.” She looks around. “Especially not with a—” She gestures to the king bed to the right.
“Worried you’re going to end up naked?”
Her mouth drops, and she props her fist on her hip. “No!” Her irritation is more entertaining than it should be.
“Good to know you have some self-control.” There’s no sarcasm, just bitterness. I’m angry at the way she ran off the last time I saw her, and the way she’s ignored me all night tonight.
She purses her lips, color rising in her cheeks. “Why would you tell your father I helped you with the spa menu?”
“Because you did.”
“I thought we were supposed to keep what happened in Bora Bora between us.”
“I didn’t tell him we fucked each other, Amie. I told him you were helpful with spa service suggestions.”
“Well I didn’t tell Ruby about all the spa service help I gave you, so it’s going to make her more suspicious than she already is.”
“Why is she suspicious in the first place?”
“Because I’m not good at lying to her. It’s not something I’ve had to do before and I don’t know how to handle it. We shouldn’t be in here together. I shouldn’t be alone with you.”
She makes a move for the door but I’m faster, I step in front of it. She closes her eyes and exhales a frustrated breath. When they open again, fear makes them fiery.
I don’t understand what would create that emotion in her. “Amie, I’m not going to hurt you.”
She drops her head and barks a laugh. “No. You’re just going to lock me in a room with you against my will.”
I lean against the door and cross my arms over my chest. “You spent two weeks locked in a room with me and I didn’t hear any complaints then. Actually, all I heard were a lot of moans.”
She narrows her eyes. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“Doing this to you? All I want to do is talk. I’m not the one who pulled a fuck and run the last time we saw each other. We’re going to be seeing more of each other whether you like it or not. I’m sorry if you regret what happened, but I can’t undo it and, frankly, I don’t really want to.”
Her eyes are wide and she fidgets nervously. I just want to touch her, hold her, make that panicked look disappear.
She touches her lips with shaky fingers and whispers, “I didn’t mean to run.”
“Well then why did you?”
Amie drags her hand down her face. “I was scared. I’m still scared.”
“Scared of what? I told you I’m not going to hurt you and I mean it.”
“You can’t know that, Lex. You can say it, but you can’t make that kind of guarantee. I don’t trust myself around you, okay?”
“I won’t do what I did last time again. I won’t push you like that. You don’t have to worry about me trying to get you naked.”
She throws her hands up in the air, they fall limply to her sides. “It’s not you I’m worried about, it’s me. My complete lack of self-control around you is a problem, Lex. This was supposed to stay in Bora Bora. I can’t keep doing this with you.”
“All we’re doing is talking.”
“In a bedroom. Alone. With a bed!” Her hands are balled into fists, her chest rises and falls, a flush creeping across her neck. “I’m still married, Lex.”
“Because Armstrong won’t sign a piece of paper.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that I’m still married to him.”
“And what if you weren’t?”
“But I am and he’s making this so difficult.”
I’m doing exactly what I said I wouldn’t, pushing. I’m falling for this woman and her heart isn’t mended from the last blow it took. I still want this though, I want her and I don’t think I’m capable of letting her run away again. I take a step forward and brush my fingers across her cheek. Her reaction is visceral, the shock of sensation that makes her skin pebble doing the same to mine. “Tell me you don’t feel this pull, Amie.”
Her gaze stays fixed on my chest. “I can’t.”
“You can’t tell me or you can’t feel it.”
“Lex.”
I lift her chin up, forcing her to meet my gaze. “If Armstrong wasn’t in the way what would you want?”
She tips her cheek into my palm.
“You know what I’d want?” I step in closer, until our bodies are almost touching. “You. Not just for a couple of stolen weeks.”
“I don’t trust my feelings right now, Lex.”
“That’s okay. Just trust mine.” I close the distance and kiss her.
Amie moans, soft and desperate as she fists my tie and presses her body against mine. “I missed you. I miss you. I’m sorry I ran.”
I wrap my arms around her, absorbing the feel of her close to me. I missed this. The connection we have. The electric burst of lust that rules my body every time she puts her hands on me. This is how it is between us. Always intense, out of control. I don’t want to lose it, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep it.
When my hands start to roam she pushes away and stumbles back. “We can’t do this right now. We’re at a dinner party. Your family is out there.”
She has a point. This isn’t the best place for a discussion or getting naked, which I told her I wasn’t going to do. “I’m taking you home tonight. You’re not running away on me again, and we’re going to finish this.”
She nods, fingers sweeping back and forth over her lips. “I won’t run. I don’t even think I can anymore.”
If I’d been smarter I wouldn’t have slept with her in Bora Bora. If I’d been thinking with something other than my dick I would’ve waited it out, until this shit with Armstrong was over, until she was ready for something more than sex. Just because we’ve set the boundaries, doesn’t mean there isn’t a way to readjust them in my favor.
Twenty-One: I Can’t Stop