“I don’t give a shit about Sinclair. I’m telling you, for now I don’t want you to come to Worthington.”
I wanted her to tell me that all she cared about was me and she’d do whatever it took to be with me. But she was saying the opposite. “Okay, I promise not to come to Maine.” I tried to sound level and unconcerned but the rejection stung.
“Okay,” she mumbled under her breath.
We sat silently as the minutes ticked by. Had I read this situation wrong? We’d practically lived together in Worthington and she’d agreed to come out to LA. Did she expect things between us to fall apart?
Would it really surprise me if she did? My past was hardly one of committed monogamy. But I wanted to be committed to her. Somehow, I’d gone from wanting to fuck everything that moved to wanting one woman and one woman only—Lana.
I just wanted her to feel the same way.
“I’m sorry if I overreacted. I have a lot to lose, and I can’t give that up just because it’s convenient for your career.” Her voice wobbled as if she was close to tears. This was not how this night was meant to go.
“You think I’m using you?” That was the furthest thing from the truth.
“I’m not saying that. I just think that we wouldn’t be having this conversation if it weren’t for your career and Sinclair and the franchise.”
Well, I couldn’t argue with that. If Sinclair hadn’t been on my case about getting another girlfriend on contract, I never would’ve brought up going public with Lana. I knew how she felt about it.
I wanted her to be happy. More, I wanted to be the one who made her happy. “I’m pushing too hard,” I said. “And you’re right, going public with you in a few weeks would be convenient for my career. But it’s more than that, Lana. I like you, like being with you. Part of me wants to show you off, tell everyone you’re taken. Have people see how fucking lucky I am.”
She grabbed my hand and squeezed. “I know and it’s so nice. It was just not what I was expecting. At all. I’m not sure where it leaves us if one of us wants one thing and another wants something different.”
I took a steadying breath. I needed to be strong and calm. To tell her everything was going to be okay, that I could guide her through this. One way or the other, we’d resolve this. “Listen. Above everything, I want you to be happy.” A tugging in my gut said that wasn’t the whole truth. I wanted this franchise, which meant I had to have a girlfriend. Only after the ink was dry on the contract could I do what I wanted. If Lana wanted our relationship to remain under wraps, then maybe I should take the lunch that Sinclair was trying to set up.
“I want you to be happy, too. I’m just not sure what that means,” she said, glancing up at me.
I took her face in my hands. “We’re going to take things step-by-step. I’m going to stop pushing and we’re just going to enjoy our time together.” I dropped a kiss on her lips. “Agreed?”
“Okay,” she said. “And I’ll definitely think about it.”
I smiled, trying to mask my concern. Los Angeles didn’t have thunderstorms very often, but a rumble in the distance told me unless I could change her mind at some point, we weren’t going to last very long.
Twenty
Lana
The metallic taste of blood hit my tongue, and I pulled my thumb out of my mouth to see the skin by the side of my nail bleeding. Shit. I stopped pacing and tried to concentrate on the ocean as the voice on the other end of the phone kept talking about talent and meetings and New York.
“So can you make a meeting next Thursday?” Beatrice Gravel, the senior buyer at Barneys, asked. It was the second time and I couldn’t put off my answer any longer. This was exactly what I’d been aiming for when I’d sent my drawings and photographs of the cuff I’d made to a contact of Mr. Butcher’s two weeks ago.
“That would be in Manhattan?” Of course it would. Where else would it be? I hadn’t been back since college. But the possibility of having a jewelry line in Barneys? Was I really going to pass that up because of my ex?
“Yes. We can have lunch, talk about next steps and show you some of the other designer jewelry we have in the store. We think your designs would be a beautiful fit.”
If Ruby was here, she’d rip the phone from my hand, accept on my behalf and then tell me it was going to be okay. So would Matt, for that matter. I took a deep breath. I could always pull out later if I totally freaked out. But as I stood on my deck, overlooking the ocean, sheltered from the storm that I could feel was just a few minutes away, I felt brave. Powerful. Like I was standing on the edge of my destiny. “That sounds great.”
“Wonderful. If you have any more designs, bring them with you. We love the Bastet collection and we definitely want to start with that, but we absolutely want to see anything else you’re working on.”
I pressed my forefinger against my bleeding thumb. “I’ll see what I can find.”
“Great. Well, I can’t wait to meet you in person after all these phone calls.”
“Yeah, it will be . . .” I searched for the right words. Why was I so awkward when people were being complimentary? “Nice to meet you, too.”
I cringed, but we said our good-byes and I hung up, wondering what I’d gotten myself into.
I jumped, my phone buzzing in my palm. I grinned as I saw who was calling and then swiped the screen. “Hey, Mr. Movie Star. How’s Italy?”
“Hey, beautiful,” Matt replied. “I just got to the airport.”
I couldn’t hear the normal hustle and bustle of airport noise in the background, but then he was probably in some kind of VIP lounge.
“Sweden next?”
“Yeah, I think so. Although, at this point, I really have no idea.”
He sounded exhausted, which made sense. He was getting close to the end of his publicity tour and every time we spoke he came across a little less enthusiastic about his job.
I laughed. His schedule was ridiculous. I’d flown to London a couple of weeks ago and we’d spent a few days together holed up in the Dorchester hotel, but he hadn’t had much time off.
“How did your call with Barneys go?” he asked.
I bit back my lip, pleased he’d remembered.
“I’m going to meet them in New York on Thursday for a meeting.”
“That’s great,” he yelled, and I had to hold the cell away from my ear.
“I figure I can always cancel.”
“Hey, don’t do that. This is a fantastic opportunity.”
“I know, I just . . .” I leaned over the railing toward the ocean. I knew it was time to put to rest all my old ghosts. But that didn’t mean I was looking forward to it. “I won’t cancel. I just need to prepare myself.”
“You’re stronger than you think you are,” he said. “Don’t underestimate yourself. And hey, I’ll see what I can do to fly back.”
“Your tour doesn’t finish until that Friday, and anyway I’ll be okay.”