If she gave in to these intense emotions and let the last of her resolve go, would Heath really always be there to catch her? Or, like wayward cells, would their feelings change into something ugly and unstoppable?
“What’re you thinking about?” Heath asked as he rolled Ally onto her back. Sleep hovered in his blue eyes, and a curious smile played across his cheeks.
“Us,” she answered honestly.
“Mm. Well, you didn’t take off in the middle of the night—that’s a good sign.”
She smiled. “You held on to me all night like a seat belt.”
He pulled her side against his warm skin. “Too confining?”
“Not in the least. I slept great.”
“Then why do I sense something serious brewing in your mind?”
This was another part of Heath she was completely drawn to. He paid such careful attention to her that even when she thought there was no way he could notice anything out of the ordinary, he did.
“You know how all it takes is one aberrant cell to destroy a person?”
“Yes.” He pushed up on one elbow, and his gaze turned serious.
“All it takes to destroy a relationship is one rogue thought. Or one wrong move. Or…”
“Or someone not really caring enough to protect it?” he asked.
She shifted her eyes away with the truth of his question.
“Isn’t that what relationships really come down to?” Heath gently drew her chin toward him, so she had no choice but to look at him. “With illness, control is an illusion. You can eat right and exercise, stay away from cigarettes and alcohol, and still a cancerous cell can turn into many and steal a person’s life.” He paused, and his eyes softened as he brushed his finger over her cheek.
She loved that he took his time to intimately touch her in the middle of an important thought. He wasn’t in a rush to move past her worries or to convince her of his beliefs. It was these little things—the way her thoughts were important to him, the way he cared for her—that were making her his.
“The difference is that in relationships, we have full control,” he explained. “We make our decisions. Sometimes we make good decisions, sometimes bad decisions, but we’re always in control of what those decisions are.”
She sighed, hating and loving in equal measure the truth of what he’d said.
“Allyson, we’ve both been on the hurtful side of other people’s bad decisions. I can’t speak for you, but at thirty-four years old, with a stable and enjoyable career, and a family I love, there’s no reason for me to bring someone else into my life unless I want that person there and, more importantly, unless I’m willing to do whatever it takes to do the right thing by them.”
He gazed into her eyes as she processed what he’d said, and when he spoke again, his tone was even more sincere.
“I want you in my life, Ally, and I don’t have a history of making bad decisions. That being said, don’t drive yourself crazy picking apart what might happen in our relationship. We’re not fortune-tellers, and there are no guarantees, but I can promise you this. The same way I don’t give up on helping my patients, I’d never give up on us. If we hit a rough spot that you don’t want to ride over, we’ll find a way around it. If we hit a snag that seems like it has the power to derail us completely, we’ll take a deep breath and think it through. We’re both smart, caring people. I’ll never take a detour that involves another woman. I’ve never cheated on a woman in my life.”
“I’ve never cheated on a boyfriend, either.”
“Then tell me what really scares you, because falling asleep with you in my arms and waking up with you is something I want to get used to.”
“Heath…” She didn’t have an answer about what scared her. He’d tamped down her worry with reason and those warm, sensitive eyes of his. “You weren’t looking for a relationship, remember?”
“Neither were you,” he reminded her. “Do you not want this?”
“Oh, no! I want this in the worst way,” she assured him. “I just don’t want to be taken by surprise by a wayward cell. There are things about me that you don’t know. You may not like my bad habits.”
“Lay ’em on me, sweetheart. What’re your bad habits?” He ran his finger from her ribs to her hip, sending goose bumps over her skin.
“I cry at commercials,” she admitted.
“I have tissues.” He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her palm.
“I like to do the Sunday crossword, and sometimes I talk to myself and get angry when I’m doing it.”
“I’ll get mad with you,” he offered with a sweet smile.
“You didn’t notice, but I have three cat boxes for Fifi, and sometimes I let her sleep on my pillow.”
He moved over her and nudged her legs open with his knees. “I’ll change the cat boxes for her and buy another pillow so we always have room for her.”
She laughed softly. “Sometimes I talk to Amanda on the phone for an hour or more.”
He kissed her neck. “Sometimes I spend hours with my brothers.” He filled his palms with her breasts and brushed his thumbs over her nipples, making it hard for her to concentrate.