“Fair enough. I love that you are doing something that fulfills you. That’s all anyone can hope for in their lifetime. My mother was a seamstress, and my father worked in a factory, and I cannot remember them ever being unhappy. They had time for me and my brothers, and they had time for each other. The way I see it, if you decide to sell flowers on the street corner because that makes you happy, then that’s your prerogative. The same way that if I decide tomorrow, or in ten years, that I am sick of being a doctor and want to sell shoes for a living, I’d expect you to accept me in the same way you do now.”
She scooted closer to him and placed her hand on his arm on the back of the couch, and the combination of her sincere smile and that gentle touch solidified in Heath’s mind that he wanted to share these secrets, no matter how painful it might be.
“You sure you can handle this?” she asked.
“No, but I want to try. You?”
“Same. But you go first, because if I can’t handle what you tell me, then there’s no need to embarrass myself.” She drew in a deep breath and pulled her shoulders back. “Okay, go. But I have a feeling this isn’t going to be a quick sting like giving blood. So just say it quickly.” She clenched her jaw, and he had to touch it. He reached out and stroked her cheek.
“You sure?”
She nodded, and he had the urge to hold her close to keep her from walking away. Instead, he simply did as she asked and hoped for the best.
“The way we met. The no-personal-information, first-name-only sex. That’s pretty much the guy I’ve been for the last few years. No ties. Literally and figuratively.” He paused, letting the truth sink in. She pressed her lips together but didn’t say anything, so he continued speaking in a gentle tone, hating the acidic taste of the man he’d been. “I don’t go to conferences for that purpose, obviously, but if someone interests me…And around here? In the city? I don’t really date, and I never have flings. I have a few women I get together with on and off, but it’s a mutually agreed upon arrangement. We don’t date. We’re—”
“Friends with benefits?” She raised her brows.
He shook his head. “Not even that. We’re fuck buddies.”
She nodded and dropped her eyes, twisting another lock of hair.
“And if we continue to go out?” she asked tentatively.
“All that stops.” The words left his mouth with confidence, though they shocked him. He scrubbed his hand down his face and repeated them more for himself than for her. “All that stops.”
Ally was silent for what felt like several minutes, though it was probably only a few seconds. “Okay, well. Wait.” Her eyes bloomed wide. “You said literally about no ties. What does that mean?”
“It means that what we did I don’t usually do. I have, years ago, in college, with a girl I dated for two years, but not since.” His chest constricted with the realization of what that meant. He must have seen something in Ally from the start that made him feel comfortable enough to go there with her. “Holy...I didn’t even realize that.”
“The girl who cheated?”
He nodded.
“Were you in love with her?” There was no hint of jealousy in her voice, but her eyes warmed with compassion.
He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I thought I was. But I don’t know.”
Her brows knitted together. “I’m sorry. That must have been a very painful experience.”
“It was, and it’s not one that I’ve shared with many people, which makes me wonder what exactly you’ve done to me, Allyson Jenner.”
To his surprise, she crawled over his lap and straddled him, pressing her hands to his shoulders and flashing a playful smile.
“I don’t know, but I’m going to keep you pinned here while I tell you about myself, because guys are weird when it comes to women.” She ran her finger along the collar of his T-shirt. “That whole double standard thing sort of freaks me out. So this way you have to at least hear me out before walking out of this apartment.”
“You do realize you’re totally turning me on right now, right?” He lifted his hips and caught her lower lip between his teeth before pressing a kiss to it.
“Yes, well, that’s the danger of pinning a man beneath you, I suppose.”
“Allyson, are you sure you’re okay with what I’ve told you?”
A serious expression slid over her face. “You’re not a teenager, Heath. If you weren’t sexually active, I’d think it was a little weird. If I were my sister, I might have ended things right away. Mandy’s great, but she doesn’t see sex the same way I do.”
“And how is that?” He fingered the ends of her hair.
“I’m not sure how to put it into words without it sounding bad, but it’s kind of a stress reliever or a rejuvenator. Gosh, that makes me sound slutty.” She started to slide off his lap. He settled his hands on her hips and held her in place.
“Stay. Talk to me.”
“I…I haven’t had many sexual partners, but I’ve had a handful.” She searched his eyes, and he knew she was looking for his response. He wasn’t ready to form one yet. He wanted to hear what else she had to say.
“And?” he urged.