Trev’s brows furrowed as he studied me. “What makes you think that?”
“Just a vibe. I’m being filmed a lot more than I think is warranted. Plus, you know they always work a personal angle into the episodes. In the first season, it was all about Paul and his ex-girlfriend. In the second it was Callum and Leanne and their whole love-hate thing. In this season, it can’t be you and me. I can’t let that happen.”
His eyes flicked back and forth between mine. “How do you know it won’t be Callum and Leanne again? Things might’ve settled down between them now but it never lasts long.”
I thought on that. He definitely had a point. “Maybe you’re right. I just worry.”
Trev studied me, his brows drawn in thought. “So what if they do feature us? What harm can it do?”
I shot him a look of disbelief. “Uh, it can do plenty of harm. I don’t want to become ‘known’, not even a little bit. And I don’t want those gossip magazines that write about you looking into my background. That wouldn’t end well.”
His expression intensified, understanding dawning on him. “If any journalist wrote a single word about your past I’d make sure they never worked again.”
“That’s very noble, but I’d rather not take the chance.” Plus, that wasn’t exactly how things worked nowadays. Once something was out in the world of all things cyber, it was impossible to pull.
Trev swore under his breath. I saw a million thoughts buzz around in his head. “I’ll try convince Barry to pick another angle, but you’ve already signed all the contracts. If they want to use you there’s not much we can do about it.”
“Then I’ll leave.”
His face flashed with anger. “You can’t leave. You’d be breaking the terms of the contracts by doing that, too.” I thought maybe there was another reason, but I didn’t voice it.
Still, I deflated because he was right about the contracts. This had the potential to become such a mess.
He threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him in a soft embrace. “I’ll try and make sure nothing comes of it, okay?”
I stared into his eyes, wishing there was some way he could guarantee it, but I guessed trying was the best he could do. “Okay.”
We were both quiet then, and I thought about what was transpiring between us. Because despite my best intentions, things were transpiring. I knew deep down that he cared for me. But sometimes his emotions were still like a swinging pendulum. Horny and sexy one moment, caring and thoughtful the next. It was confusing, but it was Trevor. A man I still loved with every part of my heart. Whether I ever gave him that again would be something I’d war against. Karla told me to have fun, but I knew being safe—heart safe—might be more important after all.
Fifteen.
Past.
I rubbed my thumb across the screen of my phone, wondering if I should text Trev, check in and see how everything was going. He’d started filming for the show, so he was practically unreachable. Again. This time I knew he had a good reason though.
I decided to distract myself with a latte and some window shopping, since I couldn’t afford to spend any actual money. I was strolling through Covent Garden, admiring the dresses in the window display of a boutique that probably cost more than I made in a month. Hell, several months. It was a nice day, though, which made up for the fact that I was broke and my boyfriend was off filming a TV show that would make him a huge star.
I could feel it in my bones, like this giant godlike hand called Fame was about to scoop him up and deposit him in another world. A world where only the charismatic and the beautiful lived. I wasn’t particularly charismatic, nor very beautiful. I was carrying a little too much weight, my nose was too wide, and my hair was prone to frizz. Putting Trev and me together was like pairing Esmeralda with Quasimodo.
“You are not Quasimodo,” said Alexis, pointing her finger at me. She’d talked her way into joining me for the day, but she was just as skint as I was, so she was only in the market for window shopping, too.
“Although, Trev does have the spirit of a gypsy. Do you think he’d mind if I called him Esmeralda next time I see him?”
“Please do.” I chuckled. I loved Alexis. She always had a way of making me laugh. She was fun to be around and definitely made me feel less alone, which was a common theme for me these days.
“So, how are things between you two?”
I shrugged. “We’d have to actually see one another for there to be things, but we rarely do anymore, so I don’t really know how to answer that question.”
“Ah well, I bet when filming wraps up he’ll be more than willing to make it up to you.”
“He better,” I said grumpily just as a shop door opened and two very familiar women stepped out. Time stood still as I came face to face with Sofia Cabrera, my mother, and Paula, my older sister. It had been at least two years since I had the misfortune of bumping into them last, maybe three. I stood frozen in place as my gaze met my mother’s and she stared right through me like I didn’t even exist. The only sign of recognition was a momentary flash in her aged brown eyes. Her back straightened, her lips drew into a thin line and she tightened her grip on her handbag, like I was some low-down thief who might try and steal it.
“Mamá, what’s wrong?” my sister asked before she saw me standing there. If I blinked I might’ve missed it, but I saw the briefest flicker of sympathy in her gaze. My sister was the one member of my family who felt bad for me, but she was too spineless to ever speak out.
“Nothing is wrong. Come along, Paula,” said Mother as she slid her arm through my sister’s and turned to walk away. She had that dignified calm about her, but I knew rage, indignation, and shame simmered just beneath the surface. Not shame for her herself, but shame of me, for how she thought I tried to ruin her.
“Um, who was that?” Alexis asked, having noticed the weird tension.
“My mum and sister,” I answered in a hollow voice. I had to keep my insides empty, otherwise I’d feel every ounce of pain their rejection solicited. Sometimes I lay awake at night just thinking of all the arguments I wanted to have with them, all the things I wished to say.
Soy tu hija. ?Cómo puedes actuar como si no existiera?
I’m your daughter, how can you act like I don’t exist?
“Oh,” Alexis breathed, her voice soft. I wondered if Karla had filled her in about my family. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, but I think I better go home now. I, um, have a bunch of stuff I need to do.”
She nodded, her eyes sad but sympathetic. “Okay, well call me if you want to talk.”