“I choose you. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.”
I looked at him, looked into his eyes, trying to read their meaning. What was he saying to me? Was he just telling me what he thought I needed to hear? Was I just hearing what I wanted to hear to shield myself from this terrible situation? I didn’t want to be a fool. I didn’t want to be naive.
The waitress returned with our drinks.
“Are you ready to order?” she said.
Jackson looked at me. “You must be starving.”
“I am,” I said. I turned to the waitress. “Could I get the chili with a side of toast, a side of bacon, and a caesar salad.”
She looked over my thin frame, surprised I wanted to eat so much. “You want anchovies on the salad?”
I shook my head.
Jackson smiled. “Good girl,” he said, impressed I was willing to eat my fill in front of him. “I’ll have the steak and eggs, the steak medium, the eggs over easy.”
“Toast with that?”
“Toast and steak sauce.”
“Coming right up,” the waitress said and left.
When she was gone, I looked right at Jackson. I was still reeling from what he’d said.
“You want me to have your baby?” I said again, incredulously.
He laughed. “That’s just the beginning.”
“How can that be just the beginning? What more could there possibly be?”
“You’ll see,” he said, giving me a sly wink. “You promised me everything, Faith. I intend to collect.”
“I’ll bet,” I said, my heart pounding.
The truth was, whatever he wanted from me, I was willing to give it. I wanted him to want me. I wanted to belong to him.
“And in return, I’ll give you the safety I promised.”
He looked at me meaningfully and in that terrible moment I realized what was going to happen. It wasn’t going to be a happy ending. He would go back to Los Lobos, bring the fight to them, and die in the process. He would give me a baby, but he wouldn’t be around to raise it with me.
He smiled solemnly at me.
My eyes filled with tears.
“You don’t have to go back there,” I said.
He shook his head.
“It’s the only way.”
“No, it’s not. We have options. We could run together.”
He let out a mirthless laugh.
I didn’t feel like laughing.
“We can’t run, Faith. I’m not built that way.”
I shook my head. It was like a cruel trick of fate. Here I was, sitting with a man who’d just told me he wanted me to give him a child, and in the same breath, he was telling me he wouldn’t be around to see it.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry for all of this.”
That was all I could say. I’d dragged him into this situation, and now he was going to have to deal with it. He was going to throw his life at it, and it was all my fault. I’d been so desperate for help I hadn’t factored this into my thinking. I hadn’t realized the cost. I hadn’t thought of what the man who helped me would have to give up to buy my safety.
Los Lobos. They’d stop at nothing. Jackson knew it. I realized he must have known it the moment he set eyes on me back at the motel. He’d made up his mind back then. He’d said as much. A life for a life. Had he wanted me that badly all along? Had he wanted to fuck me so badly he’d get himself killed for it? Had he known back then that he wanted me to be the mother of his child?
It made my head spin.
“Don’t apologize,” he said. “I’m glad all this happened.”
There was a look of resignation in his eyes, as if he’d always known the world would deal him a hand like this. There was also a steely strength in that look. I wanted desperately to believe that strength was enough to get him through this alive.
“I always wanted a girl like you, Faith. I didn’t even know it until that day we met in Reno. Ever since then, life hasn’t been the same for me. Now that I have you, I realize you’re what I’ve been searching for all these years.”
“Well, you’ve got me now, Jackson.”
“I do, but it’s a cruel victory. I have to leave you behind so soon.”
My eyes widened. I couldn’t bear it. He had to change his plan. He couldn’t leave me. I wouldn’t allow it.
“You don’t have to leave.”
“Yes. I do. Wolf Staten. Los Lobos. They’ll only get stronger. They’ll hunt us down like animals. The sooner I bring the fight to them, the better.”
“No,” I stammered. “Don’t do it.”
He shook his head. “I have to keep up my end of the bargain. I have to make you safe. That’s not going to happen unless I make it happen.”
“I’m begging you not to go back.”
“Wolf’s the leader of Los Lobos. I stole his woman. That doesn’t come without consequences.”
I was crying. I shook my head. Los Lobos had over a hundred members. They had chapters all around Reno.
“If you leave, I’ll never see you again.”
“Then, whatever else happens, we better make tonight count.”
I was desperate. I felt as if the world was ending.