“You were my slut then and you’re my slut now, Elle.”
“No I’m not, Gris. I’m more than that, and I know it now. You don’t know me as well as you think you know me. I’m not the girl that was with you. That’s not me anymore. Those few nights with Forrester taught me so much. They taught me to respect myself. They taught me to love myself. He showed me that I’m beautiful, and that a real, loving, kind man could want me and want to have a baby with me.”
Gris was getting mad but she didn’t care. He had to know the truth. He had to know that she was too strong for him now. She wasn’t going to be bullied. She wasn’t the timid girl he thought he knew.
“Forrester loved me more than you ever did, Gris. He treated me right. He lifted me up into the air and swept me off my feet. And he made love to me, Gris. He didn’t just fuck me. We made love. Real love. And it was the most amazing thing I ever experienced in my entire life. I’m not going to forget that. I’m not going to let you take that away from me.”
Gris made to slap her again but this time, when he swung at her, she blocked his hand. It was the first time she’d ever done anything like that. He turned to look at her, surprised that she’d defended herself. That was something she’d never had the nerve to do before. She had more courage now.
“What’s gotten into you?” Gris snarled.
Elle smiled back defiantly. “Forrester Snow. That’s what.”
Chapter 37
Elle
IT WAS GETTING LATE WHEN Gris pulled into a gas station on the side of the road. Elle glanced at the gas gauge on the dashboard. They still had half a tank.
“Why are you stopping?” she said.
He looked at her, and it was the first time since leaving him that she could see him for who he really was. She’d spent so many years loving him, that she hadn’t seen his flaws before. He’d been a god to her. After the childhood she’d had, having a man to stand up for her and protect her held an almost irresistible appeal. She’d forgiven him all his sins, all his shortcomings, and forced herself to love him.
She shouldn’t have. Even at the time, she should have known better. He didn’t deserve her love. There were a million warning signs that another girl would have picked up on. The way he was forceful with her in the bedroom, it wasn’t the kinky sort of play that she enjoyed, it was aggressive and threatening. The way he never did little, kind things for her. The way he lost his temper and got violent.
She’d always prayed that she’d one day have a guy who woke her up in the morning before work, just to give her a kiss goodbye. Or who came home from work in the evening with a little token of his love, some flowers, a cupcake from the bakery, even a story about something that had happened to him during the day.
But that wasn’t the man she got. Gris had never done any of those things. Not even at the very beginning. Elle knew now why she’d accepted it. She’d read that people accept the love they think they deserve. When she was younger, she’d believed that was all she deserved. It was just a few short years ago, but she’d really suffered from low self-esteem and didn’t dare to believe that she deserved a man who treated her the way she’d always wanted to be treated. So she’d accepted what Gris had to offer her, which wasn’t much.
She’d tried to make the most of it. She’d tried to give him so much love and kindness that he turned around and started loving her back. But it hadn’t worked out that way. That’s why she left. She’d finally found her courage and gotten out of that situation.
The reason it took so long was because of fear. She’d have left far sooner if she hadn’t been so afraid of Gris. The first time he hit her, she thought she was imagining it. She thought she was having a flashback to her time with Los Lobos, or one of the foster homes she’d been placed in after being rescued from Los Lobos by the authorities. But so quickly, Gris’s violence and abuse became her new reality. Before long, it was normal to her. She accepted it, again because she thought it was all she deserved.
She’d gone from worshipping him like a god, to fearing him like the devil.
But now, as she looked at him driving into the gas station, the snow falling gently all around them, she didn’t see a god or a devil.
All she saw was a man. And if you can see a man, you can also see the little boy that he once was. Every man contains the child he started out as. And that’s what Elle could see now. She could see why Gris was always so mean to everyone. She could see why he was so cruel to her. It didn’t come from a place of strength. It wasn’t because he was more powerful than she was. It was because he was weak.
“What are we doing here, Gris?” she said. “Are you going to let me go?”
“Of course not,” Gris said, letting out a little laugh.