“I said, hurt me.”
No emotion flashed across his face. He simply continued to look at me through those hard, flat eyes of his. “The last thing you want is for me to even contemplate that.”
Even his voice was flat.
Hard.
Cold.
Perfect.
“That’s where you’d be wrong, Havoc.” I straightened. “It’s the only thing I want you to contemplate.” It was all I’d thought about while he’d been gone that afternoon. Before this thing with him was over, I wanted a piece of that side of him.
He watched me some more. I could almost hear his brain ticking over.
Right as I was beginning to think he wouldn’t do it, he wrapped his hand around my throat. His fingers dug into my skin and his grip threatened to close off the air from my lungs. Flat eyes continued to bore into mine. “How much pain do you want?”
Pain radiated down my neck as his thumb dug in harder, and I gasped for breath. My head began to throb as well, and all I could do was welcome it. “As much as you want to give me.” I barely choked out the words because his grip restricted my ability to talk.
Something flickered in his eyes right at the time the vein in his temple twitched. Whatever it was, though, was gone as fast as it appeared. However, the vein twitched again and he clenched his jaw. With one last squeeze of my throat, he let me go. A mutter of, “Fuck,” escaped his lips, and then he ripped off his shirt.
As I sucked air back into my lungs, I watched the rapid rise and fall of his chest, taking in the way his muscles were carved into perfection. When his hands moved to the button on his jeans, my gaze willingly followed, and desire pooled in my belly as he revealed his cock to me. I wasn’t fussy where cocks were concerned, but after having Havoc’s, that could be called into question. He was well endowed and knew how to use it, and I was more than a little concerned that all future men I slept with would not be able to meet the standard he set.
My focus was distracted while thinking about his talents and assets, so he surprised me when he yanked me to him. Our bodies slapped together and his hands grasped me with a roughness that caused more desire to shoot through me.
“I’m not sure where the fuck you got the idea that I’m a man who likes to inflict pain on a woman during sex, so I’m only going to say this once.” His eyes were no longer flat. They had a wildness to them that thrilled me. “Never ask me to do that again. I’m more than happy to dominate you during sex, but I will never, never hurt you. Have I made myself clear?”
I didn’t reply.
I knew he had it in him to give me what I wanted, so I couldn’t figure out why he refused.
“Have I made myself clear?” His voice was harder, growlier this time, and it caused me to flinch.
“Why?”
He scowled. Loosening his hold on me he spun me around in his embrace so my back was to his front. His arms tightened around me and his mouth moved to my ear. “I like it rough and I like it dirty, but no fuckin’ way am I gonna do what you’re asking. Now tell me you understand, because if you push me for this, I’m walking out of this room right fuckin’ now and never coming back.”
My request had worked him up and my instincts told me to let it go. I was pretty sure Havoc walked a tightrope between good and bad, and as much as I wanted pain from him, I knew deep in my gut that I didn’t want him to snap and lose his control.
I nodded. “I understand.”
“Good.”
He didn’t let me go and he didn’t move. His arms remained in place around me and his face remained close to mine. I could hear his heavy breaths. They matched mine.
They blared his inner struggle with this.
I hated that I did that to him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, wishing I’d never brought this up. Somehow, I’d misread him.
His arms loosened a little and I felt him nodding. “Yeah.” His voice faded into the air around us and I figured he was still processing whatever thoughts and feelings my request had stirred. Havoc seemed to do more thinking than any man I’d ever known.
“Maybe we should call it quits for the night,” I suggested, even though it was the last thing I wanted.
He stilled. “Not fuckin’ likely to happen. Not when you’ve been naked for as long as you have and my dick is as hard as it is.” He paused for a moment before adding, “Unless you don’t want it.”
I expelled a long breath. “Havoc, I’m fairly certain that anytime you’re offering your cock, I’ll want it.”