Hate To Love You

“People are going to stare.” Kristina stood behind her.

There wasn’t anything to stare at. There were no scars. No more fat lip. No bruises. My hair was good, even. I looked better than I had before, if I was going to toot my own horn. My skin had a glow to it. I lost a few pounds, and I’d started working out with Shay. I didn’t do the runs, but they had a makeshift gym in their basement. I joined Linde and Shay when they lifted weights. I was a little more toned.

I remarked now, “Let them stare.”

Sarah added, “They’re going to talk.”

“Bring it on.” I raised my chin.

Laura said, “Half are going to feel sorry for you, and half are going to hate you.”

I pressed my lips together. “Fuck the haters.”

Every single one of them tried to hold back their grins. Every single one failed.

Kristina moved forward, separating one of my curls from the others. Once it looked how she wanted, she stepped back. She waved her hands in the air. “Perfect.”

I was doing this.

I had to do this.

I was ready to go.





I was returning to the original scene of the crime.

Not the real crime, but what jump-started it all. A large crowd of people was moving toward the bleachers with us. Casey and I shared a look when we walked over to where the Dick Crushing event happened. She leaned over, a faint trace of a smile showing. “You were very fierce that day.”

“The fucker had to come at me from behind the next time. Imagine if he hadn’t? Forget Dick Crusher. It could’ve been a Dick Rip-Off Event.”

She smothered her laughter into her sleeve.

Kristina glanced back. “What are you guys talking about?”

“I’ll tell you later,” Casey said.

Sarah and Laura were farther ahead, weaving through the crowds and leading us. We got to the bleachers, and it was then that it happened.

A small hush settled over the seats closest to us. I didn’t look, but felt Kristina and Casey close ranks around me. I focused on the field. The team was already out there, warming up, and as I looked, Shay dropped back from a huddle. His arm went back, football in hand, and he threw. It was a perfect arch, soaring all the way into the end zone. A second ball was hiked to him, and he repeated.

I focused on him.

One of the girls took my hand in hers, and they led me past the rest of the bleachers. As we went, more and more conversations stopped until everyone started to notice. They looked to see what had everyone’s attention, and the whispers rose in volume.

I overheard one girl ask, “Who’s that?”

Her friend hissed back, “Shay Coleman’s girlfriend.”

“Oh! Dick Crusher?”

“Shhhh!” a third friend shushed them.

Casey started laughing. She squeezed my hand. “You should embrace the name. A guy started selling T-shirts.”

“I should get a cut.”

“Hey! Up here.”

Sarah and Laura had gone down an aisle. We went too far.

Casey said as we backtracked, “They’re hyped for the parties tonight.”

I was halfway to them since they were in the middle when the first person stood. She said to me, reaching out, “I’m sorry about what happened to you.”

I swung around, reacting to her hand. I wasn’t expecting it and jumped back. Then her words filtered through, and I felt another sucker punch, but a good one. This was an emotional one, and I grew misty-eyed.

She saw, and a sheen of tears formed in her eyes. She brushed at them. “My daughter was raped when she was fourteen. You weren’t raped, but you were attacked. What happened to you shouldn’t have. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, that I understand.”

Casey gasped silently.

The rumor mill had been silent about her assault, as far as I knew. The guys who knew hadn’t spread it around. Her hand curved into mine again. I squeezed it back, nodding to the woman. “Thank you for that.”

I came onto these bleachers with my head turned away and eyes only on Shay. When I wasn’t looking at him, my head was down. It was up now, and I was looking at this woman.

I didn’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this.

Casey and Kristina were dabbing at their eyes when we got to the row where Laura and Sarah were sitting. Two guys were at the end, and there was an empty space between them. It’d be a tight fit for three of us, but the two guys stood.

They stepped into the aisle. “You can have our seats.”

“No, that’s oka—” Kristina started to say.

The guy cut her off, gently but firmly, “No. I was one of the guys mad about what you did to Carruthers.”

I tensed, meeting his gaze.

I saw only remorse there. “Giving up my seat so you can sit comfortably is a small price to pay, believe me.” He dipped his head in a nod. “I’m sorry for what happened to you.”

Casey’s eyes were wide, matching the storm inside me.

I hadn’t expected any of this. “Thank you.”

He and his friend moved farther up in the bleachers, and we sat down. It was just the small area where we were, but I saw a few others dabbing at their eyes. They had been watching the woman, and then the two guys.

The announcers started talking soon after.

The cheerleaders ran out and began cheering, and slowly, one by one, people began looking away.

I didn’t move. I didn’t talk. I sat like a statue until some normalcy returned around us, and I was just another student again.

I let out my breath, which felt like I’d been holding it forever.

“Uh, Kennedy.” Casey pulled at her hand.

I had it in a cement-like hold, pressed on top of my leg. “Oh!” I released it. “Sorry.” I hadn’t realized.

Her hand was completely white. She laughed, rubbing at it to get the blood flowing again. “Trust me, I understand.”

I glanced around, dipping my head low as I did. “That was nice of them.”

“Could you imagine any other reception with Shay Coleman as your boyfriend? I mean, that helps.”

“I know.”

“There’s Gage.” She stood and waved for him.

He was coming down the front aisle, two containers of popcorn in hand and snacks sticking out of his pockets. His roommates followed behind, one of them holding two sodas. There was a space behind us, and the four of them scooted in. Gage was right behind me, and he leaned down. “How you doing?”

Oh, yeah. Evading that question. I pointed to his popcorn. “Is that for me?”

“What? No! Get your own.”

Casey turned around, too, her eyes wide, her lips puckered in a pout. She was giving him the puppy-dog look, and he groaned, throwing his head back. “You two suck. Here.” He gave us the smaller container of popcorn. Then he reached over to his roommate. “We gotta share. The girls sucker-punched me with guilt.”

The roommate laughed, handing over one of the sodas. “That’s fine with me. Give me one of the candies.”

Gage growled again, but tossed him one of the bags. After he settled, his soda in one hand and his popcorn situated beside him, he leaned down once more. “For real, how are you?”

I waved him off. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Casey did. “A woman was really nice and two guys gave us their seats. It was a good reception.”