“That’s all right,” says Patrice. “That’s all right. She’ll turn up at some point. But we really need to know so that the social workers can help her out. Remember, they went to visit Gloria a few times to help her take care of Krystal with a K.”
“They were going to take her away,” I say.
Patrice nods. “Yes, they were. But remember, that’s only because they knew she wasn’t safe with Gloria. You don’t want Krystal with a K to be unsafe, do you?”
I don’t. But I know Gloria will get caught soon and I really, really don’t want to help make it happen. But that wasn’t what Patrice asked so I say, “No, I don’t.”
“Are you sure you don’t know where they were going?”
I make sure my mouth is shut tight and shake my head no.
“All right, then,” says Patrice. “So let’s get back to the argument you had with Gloria. After you finally understood that the Other Ginny was Krystal with a K, the two of you got into an argument. Is that right?”
I nod my head yes but in my brain the girl who told Gloria not to yell at her feels like someone else. Someone stronger than me.
“What was the argument about?”
So I say, “I told her how we do things at the Blue House because she was yelling. Then I told her her head was still the same and the only reason I wanted to get kidnapped was to keep my Baby Doll safe. From her. Then she tried to grab me and I yelled.”
Patrice smiles. “It sounds as though you really surprised her. You told her some things she wasn’t ready to hear,” she says. “You’ve come a long way since you were with her, you know. You’re learning how to self-advocate and how to express what you want.”
“But I wanted to be nine years old again,” I say.
Patrice looks at me funny. “Nine years old? Why would you want to be nine years old? A big girl like you can do a lot more than a nine-year-old can.”
“Because if I was nine I could still take care of my Ba—”
I stop talking and rub my knees together and pick at my hands. Agamemnon shifts and stops purring.
“Ah,” says Patrice. “Now I’m starting to see. That explains a lot. We’ve known for a while that you were locked into the role of parenting—parentified is the word—ever since we learned that Krystal with a K wasn’t a doll, but now we’re dealing with something a lot more complicated. You feel like you don’t have a purpose anymore. Before, you were anxious all the time because you thought your sister was still a baby and needed your help. Now that you know she’s not, it’s almost like your job was taken away. So this is the aftermath, for you. It’s a little like being unemployed, I think.”
The word aftermath sounds really, really scary. So I say, “Is that why nothing adds up? Because I don’t have a job?”
“I think so,” says Patrice. “If we’re understanding each other. And believe it or not, I can help with that. It’s a really easy fix, too, as far as psychology goes. But let me talk with Maura first. It’ll be a pretty big step for both of you. For her, especially.”
I don’t know what Patrice is talking about. I don’t want a job. I want to get out of the Aftermath. I am more confused than ever so I make a frowning face.
“Listen, Ginny. By now you know that you aren’t going to live with Gloria and Krystal with a K. You tried and it didn’t work. Gloria wanted you back, but the truth is that she wasn’t ready for you, and she probably won’t ever be. And that’s the sad part. She wanted to be capable, but she knows she isn’t. So you need to stay with your Forever Family. They like you, Ginny, and believe me, it’s hard to find people like that. It’s much easier to love someone than it is to like them. So please, stay put!”
I still don’t want to be where I am. I don’t understand what Patrice is saying. It’s too many words and I am still thinking about how I used to know where I belonged. Because I am still stuck on the wrong side of Forever in the Aftermath and I’m still (-Ginny).
“Ginny?”
“What?” I say.
“What do you think about staying put?”
“I don’t understand what it means.”
“It means you need to keep living at the Blue House with your parents. They want you to stay. So you should stay with them. Because, trust me, the Blue House is a lot better than living with Gloria or at Saint Genevieve’s.”
By parents she means Brian and Maura.
“And you’ve got to stop stealing, but I don’t think that will be a problem if you aren’t trying to get kidnapped. Right?”
“Right,” I say because when someone says Right? they always want you to say the same thing right back to them. But Patrice is a smart cookie.
“Right what?” she says.
“Right now,” I say.
“Ginny, what do I want you to do?”
“You want me to stop trying to run away.”
“What else?”
“You want me to stay with Brian and Maura.”
“Exactly,” says Patrice. “But I think it might be a good idea to start calling them your Forever Parents again. And like I just said, no more stealing. You’ve made quite a reputation for yourself at school. As it is, the parents of the kids whose phones you took have agreed to let the matter drop, but you’re going to have to work hard to earn everyone’s trust back. And the two of us are going to have to keep seeing each other for a long, long time. We need to keep you safe, young lady. All of us care a lot about you. We need to make sure that you’re always in a safe place.”
I know that if I stay at the Blue House I’ll be in a safe place but it still isn’t right. I pick hard at my fingers. Tears come out of my eyes now and I start breathing faster. “I want to live with my Baby Doll,” I say. “I’m okay with Krystal being my Baby Doll. I’m okay if she turned into the Other Ginny.”
“It’s okay to be upset,” says Patrice. “But none of those things are true. Krystal with a K isn’t the Other Ginny, and she’s never going to be a baby again. As long as you understand those things, it’s okay to be upset. You have every right to be. But you have to stop stealing, and you can’t sneak around anymore. Now, will you please let go of Agamemnon? He’s going to get mad if you keep grabbing his fur like that.”
Then something jumps in my face.
I yell and wave my arms. It is Agamemnon. He hits my face with his paws so fast that I can’t even count. He makes another loud noise and is gone.
“See?” said Patrice. “Agamemnon doesn’t like it when you squeeze him so hard. It hurts him, but he doesn’t know how to ask for help. So sometimes he just lashes out and surprises us. When you’re hurting or angry about something, you need to learn how to ask for help, too. I can see that you’ve been hurting a lot, Ginny. Now, let’s start by promising that we’ll stop stealing.”
I nod my head yes because there’s no reason to steal if I’m stuck here in the Aftermath.
“Good,” says Patrice. She looks at the clock. “We have a little time left. Let’s start writing those letters of apology that we talked about earlier. I’ve got some paper right here. And then I think we’ll be ready for me to have that chat with Maura.”
88
EXACTLY 11:07,