Only Christian, but was I really so different? It concerned me that Niko had picked up on something.
“I guess Viktor might have told you that I killed three men. We almost got arrested, so maybe that’s it.”
His eyes slanted up, secrets stirring behind their icy depths. “Perhaps. Something has made an indelible mark upon you, whether you realize it or not. I’m going to have to relearn you.”
The sun was gone in seconds, but the light remained.
“What’ll happen to all those women?” I asked.
“It’s not our job to know what happens to every person we arrest or save. It’s up to the authorities. If they can’t be rehabilitated, the authorities will have no choice but to put them down. It’s the humane thing to do. A rogue Vampire is too dangerous to let loose upon society. We can’t unmake what they are.”
“So they kill them? Why not erase their memories?”
“It’s complicated when you have willing victims. The elders don’t like people like that in the selection process to begin with. They become tools in our world if they fall into the wrong hands. It’s possible the authorities might pair them with Vampires who will mentor them, but finding honorable men willing to devote their time to a youngling isn’t easy.”
“At least the one we rescued will have a better shot at a normal life—as normal as life can be for a Vampire.”
“Normal is subjective.”
I draped my arms over my legs. “You can say that again. My life wasn’t even normal when it was normal.”
I thought about my childhood from the beginning. Growing up with a biker dad who didn’t live with my mom, and then my mom’s tragic accident. Just thinking about her death gave me a headache. Would I ever be rid of this discontent?
“Sometimes I feel like Dorothy on her way to Emerald City. I thought I was going down the right path and figuring myself out, but ever since Fletcher, I’m lost again. I feel like I got caught in a twister and lost my direction. What if I’m going backward to my old self—before Keystone?”
Niko gazed off into the distance at nothing. “You can’t always know where the path you walk leads, and there will always be obstacles to slow you down. Perhaps you need to walk into the storm to find your answers.”
I shivered and blew a hot breath into my cupped hands. “The Vampire who took me was my maker.”
Niko gave no reply, and I watched him for a moment to read his expression. He didn’t appear surprised.
“What’s confused me is that I like him, Niko. That’s why I went with him in the first place and allowed him to turn me. He’s not conventional, and he’s kind of like you. He sees the world differently and believes people should be true to themselves.”
Niko’s blue eyes grew stony. “But I would never sell you to another. Believe it or not, it took me a long time to realize my Creator was an evil man. I wanted to find reason in what he was doing. Perhaps your maker is a wise man with unconventional ideas, but consider that he might also be insane. Some of the ancients acquire so much knowledge in their lifetime that they’re apathetic to those around them. They rationalize all their wicked behavior. For them, there is no good and evil. They no longer believe in a higher order, and so the world becomes their sandbox.”
“But isn’t that a better idea? A world where there aren’t good and evil people—that maybe it’s all just action and reaction? Good and evil don’t exist in the animal kingdom. All they know is survival and instinct. Why are we bound to those beliefs of morality?”
“Because it’s what separates us from the beasts. Evil deeds make evil men, not the other way around. It darkens our light, but you know all about that. If you keep searching for labels, it’ll make you doubt yourself and everyone around you. It may even destroy you. We’re not born one way or the other, and as long as we draw breath, we have the capacity to change. It sounds like you have a lot of soul searching to do, but take heed not to allow this man any influence over your life.”
“It’s not like that. He never hurt me like Fletcher did.”
“That doesn’t make him a better man. I don’t know anything about your maker or what you went through, but stay true to your heart.” He nudged his shoulder against mine. “That’s a separate thing from your mind and your instincts, Ravenheart.”
“I can’t make him my enemy. I made a promise. He let me keep my memory of him knowing I could use it against him. Maybe I should, but I can’t. He knows where my father lives, and even though I don’t think he’d do anything, a betrayed man is a dangerous man.”
“Do what you must to survive and protect what’s important.”
When we rose to leave, my foot slipped. Niko caught me. I stared down three stories, realizing how lucky I was to have people who genuinely cared about me.
Once Niko climbed inside, I started to crawl through the window, and then Claude’s strong hands suddenly hauled me the rest of the way in. Sometimes I felt like a pygmy standing beside him.
“I missed my girls.” He wrapped his arms around me, and a loud purr vibrated against my cheek. It was like cozying up to a lion.
I pulled away and closed the sash to the hall window. “What’s everyone doing here? I thought the roof was my private thing.”
He put his arm around me. “Private? Nothing you do around here is private for long. I have good night vision, and I’ve seen you a time or two, walking the ridge. You came home without saying hello.”
“Hello.” I branched away and peered around the corner.
“Looking for something, female?”
I swung my gaze up at Claude, who gave me a tight-lipped smile. “Just curious if you brought anyone else. You two are acting suspicious.”
Claude put his arm around Niko and tipped his head to the side. “You slay me, Raven. Since when is checking in on friends a suspicious activity?”
“Since two minutes ago.”
Claude and Niko fell into step beside me as we headed down the hall.
“I wonder what’s on the menu tonight,” I said, thinking how nice it was not to have cooking duties anymore.
When we reached the staircase, Claude sat on the flat handrail and slid down ahead of us. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll involve french fries.”
“Why do you say that?”
He looked up from the landing. “Wyatt was using a visual demonstration to convince Kira that frozen french fries are healthy. She makes hers from scratch in the oven, but you know how Wyatt loves grease. She didn’t look confident about using a deep fryer.”
“Better she not learn,” I said. “He’ll have her bringing those upstairs every six hours. It’ll smell like a dumpster in there.”
“I’m not comfortable with her serving us at all,” Claude remarked, walking ahead of us.