“Are you asking how you compare?”
I shrugged. “You once told me you like classy women, but I’m not sure if you were talking about in bed or just in general. Maybe I came along and piqued your curiosity. I cuss, my clothes have holes, I talk about murder postcoital, and I don’t take shit from you.” I made sure to say that with a smile. “I’ve heard about Vampire women and how sophisticated they are. I’m just curious how I stack up.”
His fingers brushed my cheek. “You’re nothing I ever wanted, and yet… you’re everything.”
“Christian, you never answered me before. Did I love you?”
His lips pressed into a thin line, and he looked away. Anger darkened his features. When he turned his gaze back, he looked more composed. “Do you trust me?”
“For reasons I can’t explain.”
“I can’t undo what your maker did to you. I can’t make it right, and he’s the only one who can restore those memories and whatever feelings you had for me. I’m not the one who can give you that answer. What do you feel in your heart to be true?”
My eyes dragged down to his Adam’s apple. “Do you think it’s gone?”
“Your heart?”
“No. My conscience.”
He stroked my hair, his expression grim. “I don’t know. You’re asking a man who might not have one himself.”
I touched the onyx ring on his finger. “Where do we go from here?”
He cupped his hand around my nape and kissed my forehead. “At first what your maker did angered me. Then I thought… maybe it’s for the better. But I want you, and there’s no denying it. Things that happened between us can’t be repeated in the exact sequence. Those conversations have to happen in the right place and time. Being with Keystone complicates matters, and I don’t want you beholden to me over a forgotten promise. We have to either start over or not at all.”
“It’s hard for me to trust a feeling that has no memory.” I nuzzled closer to him. “Does that throw a monkey wrench in your plan to possess me?”
“I don’t want to possess you, Raven. I want to know you. Your enemies are my enemies. Your pain is my pain.”
What was Christian’s version of love? Would it save or destroy me? He didn’t have to say those three words; I heard them in his promises.
I traced my index finger around the hard knot in his throat. “I wish I could say I was a hopeless romantic, but maybe I’m just hopeless. Would it be cruel to ask for time to see where this goes? I can’t love someone if I don’t know why.”
His embrace warmed me like a security blanket. “Aye, Precious. If there’s one thing I have, it’s time.”
“My memories have too many holes, so I need to make new ones.”
“Worry not, lass. I’ll fill your holes.”
Too tired to laugh, I yawned, drifting to a quiet space in my head. “Do you think I would have drowned in the ocean or frozen to death first?”
“Killer whales. That’s where I’d put my money.”
“Not sea lions?”
“Jaysus no. All they’d do is take a nip and swim off. But you don’t want to feck around with a pod of hungry orcas.”
“They don’t eat people.”
“Don’t they now? Orcas are the wolves of the sea. I once saw a whale eat a moose.”
“There would have been nothing left of me.”
He kissed my head. “They can’t digest bones.”
“I’m not sure what bothers me more—this conversation or how much you know about whales.”
“I get bored easily. I used to spend a lot of time at zoos and aquariums.”
I chuckled softly, the pull of sleep getting stronger. “Christian?”
“Hmmm?”
“Don’t take off the ring.”
Chapter 33
Christian held Raven close, her breath skating across his chest. Neither of them bothered cleaning up after their night of passion. Feck Joe and his bearskin rug. Christian was used to the prejudice against Vampires, but he drew the line with men who served their guests insipid coffee.
Raven had fallen asleep within minutes, and he wondered how she’d managed to last this long. All the flashing, swimming in the ocean, trudging through snow, fighting a Vampire. Then to come face-to-face with three dunderheads who wanted revenge for their boss’s arrest. The two wolves must have tracked their scent. Christian had probably been breaking logs with his bare hands when the fight started. It wasn’t until he’d gone outside to fill a bucket with snow that a roar made him stop in his tracks. It had come from the direction of the outhouse and wasn’t Raven.
Had he gotten there sooner, he would have snapped all their vertebrae.
After Raven fell asleep, Christian put another log on the fire and threw his coat over her before heading out to Crazy Joe’s shed in search of a spade or shovel. Not far from the outhouse, he dug a deep hole and buried the bodies. After spreading the excess dirt around, he spent time meticulously moving snow to conceal his tracks. Once everything was to his satisfaction, he returned to the outhouse and dug another hole, where he filled it with all the bloody snow from the scene. Once he buried every visible drop, he packed fresh snow on top. There were still footprints all around the outhouse, so he decided to clear out all the snow and make it look like he’d done the man a favor. Vampires didn’t tire easily, so his impeccable vision and imperviousness to cold allowed him to work through the wee hours of the morning.
It wouldn’t be the first time he’d cleaned up a crime scene.
Now it was nearly dawn, and after stoking the fire, he glanced down at his dirty fingernails. As much as he wanted to be the romantic and hold her all night, he’d promised to protect her, and leaving the bodies out in the open would have put a target on her back. If any Shifters in the territory came looking, or if Crazy Joe had stumbled upon the massacre, Raven would be sitting in jail. Though it was self-defense, they were still in a foreign country. These weren’t their people, and their laws differed. And he knew Raven—she would have accepted full culpability to protect Keystone.
Her black hair invited him to touch it, but it wouldn’t be long before Viktor came knocking. He knelt beside her and savored these last moments together. It would be a shame to wake her. This was her first peaceful sleep in a long while. He’d noticed fewer nightmares since her return, but she also tended to avoid sleep.