Christian’s thoughts shifted to Houdini. Raven was nothing but a plaything to him—a curiosity. She was so convinced that he wasn’t intentionally doing anything to hurt her that it made Christian realize how crafty and insidious that man was. Some of the ancients were clinically insane, and it wouldn’t come as a surprise to learn that her maker was gone in the head.
Christian could no longer rely on Raven’s memory. Had this kidnapping been their first encounter since Houdini had lost her all those years ago? Not likely. Houdini had sent Keystone letters, so he knew damn well where to find his youngling. The more Christian thought about it, the more he wondered if Houdini had been the one to lock him in that crypt. He’d always suspected a Vampire was behind it, but it didn’t make sense how they’d snuck up on him. Christian had amassed a number of enemies in his lifetime, so there was no way to be sure.
The truth was it didn’t matter. Houdini crossed a line when he selectively erased memories of Raven and Christian’s private moments.
A distant song echoed from the past, filling the dark corners of the room. He hadn’t heard “Cheek to Cheek” in decades, but something about the power Houdini held over Raven released the song into his consciousness. When the hair on the back of his neck stood on end, he locked his mind and focused on the present.
Christian lifted his coat away and admired her magnificent body. Raven glowed all over, her lustrous skin revealing dim shadows of muscle.
She moaned and rolled onto her back, renewing Christian’s carnal desire to know her again.
He placed his fingertips on her smooth nipple, watching it harden to a peak before he latched his mouth onto it. His gaze roamed down the slight concave of her stomach. She’d worked so hard to repair her beaten body after the kidnapping. All those hours in the gym, toning her muscles and building her strength.
It showed.
He admired the sinewy outline of muscle in her arms and legs. Christian had never been attracted to a woman with such strength, one who would rather use her legs to choke a man than straddle him. Her scent intoxicated him, and the taste of her lingered on his tongue.
There wasn’t time for another go—not with it being dawn already. He’d never hated the idea of a quickie until this moment, because the need to be inside her for hours prevailed. Christian was a man who took what he wanted, but something changed after his night with Raven, and he had a compulsion to treat her more delicately than she’d been treated before. He didn’t want to use her body to satisfy his own needs. She deserved better than that. Raven reminded him that he’d once been an affable man with blue eyes—a lad full of ambition and big dreams.
Being with her made him feel his own humanity.
On the other hand, he couldn’t exactly drive home with a raging hard-on, so he needed to take care of this throbbing ache.
He reached down and freed himself, stroking the length of his shaft as she moaned and rolled over, showing him her back. His eyes skimmed down the curve of her spine to her backside.
He wanted her.
Needed her.
Memories of her coming on top of him filled Christian with such impatient desire that he pumped his hand even faster. He fantasized about sliding deep inside her, feeling her walls tighten against his cock. He wanted to touch her—to slide his hand between her legs and make her wet.
Almost there.
When she suddenly lifted her head and peered over her shoulder at him, he stopped cold. Only then did he realize he was doing exactly what her Creator had done to her.
He cursed his deviant ways. She would never forgive him.
A sound awoke me. Skin on skin, grunting—a distant memory of Christian’s lips on my breast. Time had no dominion in a windowless room, and the fire roared as if I’d never gone to sleep. I opened my eyes, staring at brown fur beneath my fingertips.
Then I heard a noise from behind me—the unmistakable sound of a man pleasuring himself. His soft grunts, shallow breaths, the smooth whisper of his palm sliding up and down his erection.
The first thing that entered my mind: why wasn’t Christian touching me? When I peered over my shoulder, his unleashed passion evaporated into a look of regret. That hollow look was the only time I was reminded of my Creator.
Fuck Fletcher if he thought he could ruin men for me. I’d learned years ago how to block him from my daily thoughts. That was why we only crossed paths in nightmares. Training my body and mind over the past couple of weeks had helped me find my center again, but this was all new to Christian. Only time would tell if he could ever look at me without remembering what was done to me.
As much as I wanted to stroke him to climax, that ship had sailed.
Christian concealed himself back in his trousers and zipped them up.
When he didn’t make eye contact, I rolled onto my back and pulled him by the collar. Our lips lightly touched.
“You’re dressed,” I said.
He kissed the crook of my neck. “Is that a problem?”
I stared at his collar. “Only if that means it’s time to leave.”
His teeth nipped my shoulder before he rested his face on it. “Aye, Precious. It’s time.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on for a long while. It felt like a goodbye hug.
“We’ll find a way to make it work,” he whispered.
I let go and locked eyes with him. “I don’t know what I’ve said about us in the past, so maybe this isn’t something you want to hear. I’m scared as hell it’s all going to fall apart. I can’t explain why, but I feel something for you. Something deep. Not just because of last night. But I’m still committed to Keystone.” I rubbed my temple. “There’s so much going on in my head right now that it’s spinning.”
He pulled my wrist away and kissed my palm. “Then get off the carnival ride and take a walk. I can’t play the role of a doting lover. I’m a bastard, Raven. But a man knows when it’s time to step back.” He looked down at my neck, finger circling where I had a small mole. “Clear your head. Feelings without memories are like a Sensor giving you counterfeit emotions.”
I rubbed my forehead. “I sometimes remember things that don’t make sense. You’ve risked your life for me more than once. You brought me coffee in the morning. There are things you’ve done that are inconsistent given the context, so I believe you that my memories were taken. The worst part is, I keep wondering if maybe I asked him to do it. What if I did? What if I wanted to forget?”
Christian sat up and casually draped his arm over his knee. “The only way you’ll know the truth is to remember. You asked me once to erase our first kiss, and I did. When I gave the memory back, you hated me for it.”
I sat up. “How many first kisses have we had?”
He caressed my cheek. “Every kiss is our first.”
Chapter 34
It was a brisk morning with snow flurries. Wyatt had arranged for a private plane to fly us back to New Brunswick, and we’d spent the past hour at the airport while Viktor settled damages for the downed aircraft.