“Why?” I asked softly, though I already knew her family business was in trouble.
“My parents are arguing all the time and I know we’ve lost a lot of revenue.” She spoke quietly. “I’m not sure what’s going to happen. I really shouldn’t leave early.”
“We can talk about, it if you want,” I said, my heart going out for her. “And are you really working hard right now or are you goofing off and texting with Sally?”
“We only sent a few texts.” She giggled.
“A few hundred?”
“Something like that,” she admitted. “Okay, fine. Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise,” I said happily. “Meet me at home in thirty minutes.”
“Yes, sir,” she said and I knew she was rolling her eyes at my bossy tone.
“Good girl.” I chuckled and then I hung up before she could reply.
***
“So where are we going?” Mila asked me eagerly as she sat in my front seat and stretched her arms out.
“It’s a surprise. How many times do I have to tell you that?”
“Until you tell me where we’re going.”
“It’s not going to happen,” I said and looked over at her. “How are you feeling?” I said, my voice quieter as I gazed at her, trying to figure out how she was feeling inside. There was so much going on between us and at her work. I knew her happy exterior was just a facade, especially considering what Cody had told me about her visit with Nonno. I knew I was going to have to talk to Nonno. He was bound to have questions. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. Everything was turning out to be so much more complicated than I’d ever thought it was going to be.
“I’m okay.” She shrugged and gave me a small smile. “Why?”
“I know you’re upset with me,” I said honestly. “I know this is a lot more complicated than we both thought it was going to be when we talked about this fake engagement.”
“It’s fine.” Her eyes looked away from mine. “It’s fun, right? I mean, let’s just concentrate on that.”
“This isn’t about fun,” I said seriously. “I hope you understand that, Mila.”
“I do.” She nodded. “Let’s just enjoy the day. We don’t need to have a serious talk.” She looked at me with the sweetest smile I’d ever seen and my heart dropped as I realized just how much she meant to me.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I started and she reached over and grabbed my arm.
“TJ, it’s fine. We’re fine. I spoke to Nonno yesterday and I’m feeling better. We just need to be ourselves and what’s going to happen will happen.”
“What does that mean?” I frowned.
“It just means we can’t force anything.” Her voice sounded wistful. “And, well, I don’t wanna be the person who tries to force something that isn’t there. I don’t want to be that girl.”
“What girl?” My hands gripped the steering wheel.
“It doesn’t matter.” She sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Mila,” I said softly as I headed onto the highway, “we’re going to talk about it.”
“I don’t want to,” she said, almost pouting.
“Mila.” I glanced at her. “Talk to me. Please.”
“Let’s just say, I’ve spent too many years thinking with feelings and emotions and I don’t want to be that person anymore.” She looked out of the window. “I’ve made mistakes in the past. I’ve said things. Done things. And now I look back and think, what was the point? What did it get me?”
“Are you talking about another guy again?” I said, jealousy stirring in the pit of my stomach. “Is there some guy you regret being with?”
“It’s not that.” She sighed again and I knew I was being ridiculous, but I couldn’t stop myself. “I just don’t want to be the girl floating around with her head in the clouds anymore. I don’t want to be the girl who’s dreaming of rainbows and butterflies on a day that’s thunderstorming.”
“What girl do you want to be?”
“I want to be the girl who dances in the rain. I want to be the girl who jumps in puddles. I want to be the girl who can stare at the gray sky and watch the lightning and know it’s okay to appreciate the darkness. I don’t want to be the girl who can only survive in the sunshine. Life’s not all sunshine. I don’t want to pretend that it is anymore.”
“I want your life to be all sunshine,” I said before I could stop myself.
“I know you do.” She nodded. “You care for me. I know that.”
“But?” I said, glancing at her.
“But nothing.” She rubbed the temples on her forehead. “When you live in the clouds, sometimes you just have to come back to earth every once in a while.”