“Are you saying I haven’t treated Mila well?” I asked, but I knew the answer.
“I’m saying you haven’t treated yourself or Mila well.” His eyes pierced mine and I felt my heart stop. This was the first time Cody and I had ever really had a serious conversation about relationships. “If you love her, you’re not doing yourself any favors.”
“You know I don’t do love. You don’t do love either,” I said weakly, a weird feeling entering my stomach. “It’s just who we are.”
“Yeah, but what I don’t know is why.” He shook his head. “I’m tired of fucking around. I want something real.”
“Well, you always have Sally.”
“I’m not fucking good enough for Sally.” His face twisted. “She deserves someone better than me.”
“Yeah, she does.” I nodded and thought of Mila’s best friend and how long she had panged for Cody. I pictured the looks of disappointment and pain on her face every time Cody did something that hurt her. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t be the man she deserves.” I looked into his eyes seriously. “You can be that man.”
“Are you going to be that man for Mila?”
“I don’t know if I can.” I shrugged and closed my eyes. My throat felt constricted and my head felt heavy as I thought about her.
“You’re a fool.” Cody shook his head at me. “You’re going to lose her and you’re going to wake up one of these days and you’re going to wonder what happened.”
“This engagement is complicated.”
“What relationship isn’t complicated?”
“This isn’t a normal relationship.”
“TJ, you’re my best friend. I trust you, man. I trust you with my life. But this is my sister. I know I don’t know what’s going on here. I know that you don’t seem to want to tell me, but I gotta ask you this, what you’re doing here, can you promise me that you’re doing it with good intentions?”
“Yes.” I nodded. “I can promise you that.”
“Okay.” He sighed and I could see him thinking. “God, I hope you know what you’re doing.”
“I’m not sure that I really do,” I said under my breath, but he didn’t hear me.
“I know you’re busy, so I’m going to go now,” Cody said. “Maybe I’ll give Sally a call to see how she’s doing.”
“You sure that’s smart?” I asked him.
“Are either of us doing what we think is smart?” he asked me with a raised eyebrow and I just stared at him as he left the office. He was right. I knew without a doubt in my mind that neither of us were doing something smart. I let out a huge sigh as I looked at the paperwork on my desk. My dad had left a contract on my desk that was going to completely change the face of Mila’s parents’ company; something they were vehemently opposed to. However, because Mila had a 51% stake in the company, thanks to Nonno, she could make all final decisions. Which meant that I had that power now, legally, thanks to the papers we’d signed. I jumped up, grabbed the papers, put them in my briefcase and decided to leave the office. I couldn’t do this now. Not while I was in this inner turmoil. Even though I knew eventually I was going to have to go behind Mila’s back, had in fact already gone behind Mila’s back, I just couldn’t do this now. Not when I knew she’d gone crying to Nonno about me. Not when Cody was watching my every move. Everyone was going to be blindsided and there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn’t ready for that move yet. I needed to go and see Mila. I needed to let her know that I was trying my best, and while I knew that would never be enough and wouldn’t be enough to stop the betrayal, it would have to do for now.
***
I called Mila as soon as I got to my car. “Hey, can you get out of work early today?” I sat in the driver’s seat, my keys on the ignition, waiting, before I drove off.
“Not sure, why?” she asked curiously. “Is there another business meeting that you need me to attend?”
“No.” Kinda.
“Oh okay? Any more information would be nice.” She laughed and I smiled in response.
“I thought we could do something. Just the two of us,” I said softly. “Let me apologize for overreacting in the restaurant last week.”
“You don’t have to do that,” she said softly. “We all do things we regret sometimes. I already forgive you.”
“Thank you,” I said, my heart swelling. Mila really was too good for me. “But does that mean that you don’t want to play hooky with me today?”
“What does playing hooky with you mean exactly?” she asked, teasing me, and I felt my loins stirring. She knew me all too well.
“It means we’re going to have some fun.”
“Up on a roof sort of fun?” she whispered.
“Would that be so bad?” My heart thudded.
“No,” she said lightly and my heart soared.
“So play hooky with me?”
“Shouldn’t you be working, TJ?” She giggled. “I know I should be working. Stuff around here isn’t good.” She sighed. “I’m worried.”