She spends the short drive to Cami’s summer camp laughing at the expletives that pour out of my mouth. Whatever small bit of restraint she showed while driving my car is gone.
A few people removing the leftover Fourth of July decorations from Main Street wave at her, and she honks before turning the wheel.
My grip on the safety bar slips as she makes a sharp left turn. “No wonder your tires were balding. You drive like you’re being chased by the cops.”
She laughs herself hoarse. I’m hopeless as I watch in complete fascination, my chest swelling with emotion at the sight of her happiness.
This was all I wanted for her. I just never thought I could be the one to make it happen with all the other stuff bogging me down, getting in the way of our chance at a happy ending.
But the only thing getting in the way was me. Not my addiction. Not my career.
Me.
Because at the end of the day, I’m the one who makes the final decisions over my life.
I chose wrong when I left her the last time. She was supposed to be better off without me, but her obvious loneliness has proved the exact opposite.
Lana was surviving—not thriving—and I have only myself to blame.
And I don’t plan on making the same mistake again.
31
CAL
Lana drives down a few more blocks before pulling into the parking lot of Cami’s summer camp. With the way she navigates the streets, I’m surprised she hasn’t ended up injured or in far worse condition.
Lana comes out of the building with Cami skipping behind her. Cami’s whole face lights up when she catches me sitting inside.
“Hi!” she squeals as she drops into the back seat.
I hold out my hand for her to slap. “What’s up, kiddo?”
My question turns into a whole story about her day. Cami spends the short drive to the market talking about her afternoon at the swimming pool and me following up with questions.
“Come on.” Cami bounces out of the car before grabbing on to Lana’s hand. She clutches mine with her other, linking the three of us together.
I lift her arm up and nudge Lana to do the same. She copies me, causing Cami to swing between us. The giggle she lets out makes my whole heart threaten to burst like a confetti cannon. Lana’s eyes flicker from Cami to me. Whatever she finds in my gaze makes her face soften and her lips turn up into a fraction of a smile.
“Again! Again!” Cami tugs on our arms with a surprising amount of strength for someone so tiny. Lana and I oblige, earning another high-pitched squeal from Cami.
I’m not sure who is having more fun: Cami or us. By the time we make it inside the grocery store, Cami’s face is red from laughing so hard and Lana is beaming.
Damn. I did that.
I’m quick to shake off the minor win before pulling a cart free from the rest.
“No. I want this one.” Cami climbs inside the special kid cart. While the front half of the cart is normal, the back half looks like a kid’s car. Her head touches the top of the car, and her legs look cramped in the small space.
“Are you sure? It looks like a tight fit.”
She turns the wheel like she is on a Formula 1 track versus in a grocery store.
“I see you inherited your mother’s driving skills.”
Lana slaps my ass. “Hey.”
“You did not just…”
Her eyes shimmer. “But I did.” I reach out, but she escapes my grasp with a breathy laugh.
Cami slams her hand on the horn for emphasis. Lana moves to grab the handle of the cart, but I step in before she has a chance.
I turn the cart slowly, being mindful not to jostle Cami. “This thing is heavier than it looks.”
Lana pokes at my straining arms. “Don’t tell me those muscles are just for show.”
“There’s a few ways we can test that theory out.” I wink at her.
She walks ahead of us with her list. I’m hypnotized by the sway of her hips, my skin turning hot with each step she takes.
“Go, go, go!” Cami honks her horn again to get my attention.
I take off after Lana, who is already speaking to the butcher. He smiles at her before shooting me a scowl. I’m quick to smile and wave, although my right eye twitches from how hard I fake the grin.
The rest of the shopping trip goes similarly. A few other people I recognize from my summers here give me a range of looks, varying from surprised to downright angry at my existence. By now, I should be used to how people treat me, but I’m not. It’s hard knowing everyone had a front-row seat to the lowest moment of my life.
You have no one to blame but yourself.
The only thing that saves me from walking out the door is Cami. I treat every aisle like a racetrack, making zipping and zooming noises as I gain speed and glide. She absolutely loves it. Between her clapping, chanting, and cheering, I completely forget about everyone around us. Even Lana cracks and ends up laughing when I create a driving obstacle course with some of the displays scattered throughout the store.
Maybe small towns aren’t the worst. I could never get away with this kind of thing at a busy supermarket in Chicago.
It isn’t until we get to the baking supplies aisle that Cami loses interest in me and our game. She climbs out of the cart and abandons me for Lana.
“Hey!” I call out.
Cami pokes her tongue out through the gap of her missing tooth before running off.
I roll the cart toward the two of them.
“What flavor do you want for your birthday cake?” Lana drops a bag of confectioner’s sugar into the cart.
“Chocolate!” Cami claps her hands together, making her wonky pigtails shake.
Lana grabs some baker’s chocolate chips and dumps them in the cart.
“When is your birthday?” I ask Cami.
She grins. “July 15.”
Turns out little Cami is a Cancer just like me.
No wonder you both get along so well.
“That’s on Saturday.”
“Yup.” She points to a set of birthday candles. “I like that one, Mommy!”
“Let’s hope I can get decorations delivered by Friday.” Lana throws the candles into the cart.
I check out the latest Dreamland princess and laugh. “You like Princess Marianna?”
“Yes! She’s my favorite.” She spins in a circle while pressing her clasped hands against her heart.
“I like her too. She was nice when I met her.” I wink.
Lana’s eyes widen and she shakes her head.
Shit. Was that the wrong thing to say?
“You met Princess Marianna? When?” Cami nearly rips my arm out of its socket from how hard she tugs.
I kneel in front of her. “When I went to visit my brother at Dreamland.”
Lana shuts her eyes with a sigh.
“You went to Dreamland?” Cami’s voice hits the highest pitch I’ve ever heard.
I rub at my eardrum to stop it from ringing. “Yes?”
Her eyes stretch so wide, I’m afraid they might pop out. “When?”
“A few months ago. My brother has a house there.”
“At Dreamland?” Her mouth drops open.
“Yes?”
She gasps. Lana groans.