I looked up at twenty-five-year-old Mia’s teary face in the image and pitied her. For just a second I allowed myself to feel pity for my upbringing, for the choices my family made, and how I later chose to live my life. How I was living my life now. What I saw wasn’t a pretty picture anymore. It was of a sad girl who’d lost something precious. Something beautiful.
Without asking if we were done or if he’d gotten what he needed, I put on my bra and shirt, hopped over to my crutches and hobbled away. The wall around my heart was barely intact, crumbling at the seams. One more hit and I’d be on the floor in a puddle of rubble.
“Mia!” Alec called but I didn’t stop, just waved goodbye over my head. It was late and the day had been long. He couldn’t fault me for needing rest.
I made it up to the loft, went straight to the kitchen and found an open bottle of wine and a wine glass, poured a huge helping of the crimson liquid and took a huge gulp before allowing the tears to fall.
That was when Alec returned. He came to my side, grabbed another wine glass and poured his own. Then he leaned against the counter and looked at me while I tried to compose myself and pretend I hadn’t just been bawling like a baby.
“Why don’t you love yourself?” His words hit my wall like a sledgehammer and left a giant, gaping hole in their wake.
Chapter 4
“I love myself.” The words spilled from my lips like acid hitting bare flesh.
Alec’s gaze settled on mine. I was leaning against the kitchen island having just poured myself another glass of wine.
“Do you? Could have fooled me,” he responded flippantly before tossing back a heavy slug of the red wine.
“You think you know me? After only a few days?” I ground my teeth together and narrowed my eyebrows.
Alec’s lips pinched together and he turned his head and looked at me. That look said it all. Frustration, stubbornness and something else. “I think I know you better than you know yourself, or at least better than you will admit to yourself,” he came close and cupped my cheek. I pushed it away and hopped back on one foot, protecting my ankle.
“What? You think because you’re an ‘artist’ you have some type of special ability to read people? If that’s the case, your magic is way off, Frenchie, because the last person I want to be near right now is you!” I slammed my glass down on the counter and the wine sloshed out both sides onto the counter. “Fuck!” I hobbled over to the paper towels and pulled frantically at the roll, grabbing far too much for the tiny spill.
“Let me,” Alec tried to grab for the towels. Again, I shoved him away.
“I’ve got it. I’ve been cleaning up my messes and everyone else’s most of my life. I can handle a tiny spill,” I sniffed, holding back the damned emotions that were hanging just at the surface ready to break free. There was no way I was allowing myself to break down now. He’d see me as being weak, useless.
He pulled back and held up both hands, palms facing me. “Okay, okay, Je suis désolé. Sorry,” he repeated in English.
I knew I was being a bitch. This wasn’t his fault. He didn’t do anything to warrant me treating him poorly. Once I’d wiped up the mess, he handed me a newly opened bottle of wine. I poured more in my glass.
“Talk to me, ma jolie. I am here. I want to be here for you,” he said softly. I caught his gaze and could see he meant it. There was no pity in his tone or his eyes. Just concern.
“Alec, I’m sorry. It’s just, doing the shoot today, when you asked me to think of a happy time, it brought back a great memory. Only that memory was smashed by another that was very painful. It was a time in my life I still haven’t been able to work through. That’s all. It’s not you.” I leaned forward and wound my arms around his body, and laid my head against his warm chest. I nuzzled there smelling his fresh woodsy scent. He held me close, wrapping both arms around me. One hand slid up and down my spine comforting me in a way only a man of his size could.
“I get the feeling you’ve spent a great deal of your life taking care of others, oui?”
Instead of responding, I just nodded against his chest not wanting to see his eyes. He took a deep breath and squeezed me tight. “So now, ma jolie, it’s time you take care of yourself, oui?”
Again, I nodded from the safety of my hiding place.
“I shall help you. This project, Love on Canvas, will be an outlet. Together, and for the eye of the beholder, we will find you some peace, and I shall show you through art how perfect you are.” He pulled me back by the shoulders. I took a hand and wiped away the tears. I didn’t even realize I was crying before looking up into his beautiful eyes. They were so serene, yellow with warm brown flecks swirling happily. I couldn’t look away, didn’t want to. “This will be my best work yet and through it, you will find a piece of what you need to move forward.” He smiled wide then leaned forward. And finally, Alec kissed me the way I’d wanted to be kissed since I first saw him in person.
Deep.
Wet.