They talked about this for a while, Esri allowing their appointment to go over by thirty minutes.
“I want you to think about something over the next few days,” she said. “Your job with ski patrol and your volunteer work with the Team—it’s all about protecting people, saving lives. You’ve told me before that saving lives gives you a high.” She held up a hand to stop the objection she knew he was about to make. “Yes, I think anyone would feel good if they saved a life, but you’ve told me your work with the Team holds you together. Why is it so important for you to take on the role of guardian? Why is it so important to you personally to save people?”
Chapter 16
Ellie was late getting dinner on the table. She’d decided at the last minute to invite Jesse to eat with them. She’d called him and left a voicemail and then made a mad dash to Food Mart with the kids to get everything she needed to make coq au vin. It was one of the few fancy meals she made, and it was easy.
Now dinner was finally ready, the twins were hungry and grumpy, and she still hadn’t heard back from Jesse. She told herself that he’d probably gotten busy at work or been called out with the Team, but she couldn’t shake the fear that something was wrong. He’d only been a part of her life for two weeks, but the thought of losing what they had together—whatever it was—left a bleakness inside her. She cared about him, truly cared about him. She didn’t want it to end.
She cut a piece of chicken into bites for the kids and put it together with buttered pasta and peas on their plates. “Here you go, sweeties. Daisy, don’t throw your fork.”
She’d just given them each a sippy cup of milk when a knock at the front door made her jump. She hurried to open it, relief and joy pushing away the cloud of anxiety she’d been carrying all evening.
Jesse stood there in his ski pants and parka, looking like he’d just gotten off work, his hair windblown, the bandage on his forehead gone to leave the stitches exposed. He looked drained, but he smiled when he saw her. “Am I too late?”
“Jesse!” said the twins, Daisy first and then Daniel, and it was clear they were both happy to see him.
“Not at all. You’re right on time.” She stood on her toes and kissed him. “I’ll fix you a plate.”
He took off his boots and his parka and followed her to the stove, hands coming to rest on her hips as he looked over her shoulder. “That smells incredible. What is it?”
“Coq au vin. It sounds fancy, but it’s very easy to make.”
There was so much Ellie wanted to say to him, but now wasn’t the time. They talked about little stuff while they ate—her attempts to get the missing supplies delivered in time, his day on the slopes, Daisy’s new knack for profanity.
“She said it as clear as a bell—D-A-M-N.”
Jesse looked into Ellie’s eyes, a sexy smile spreading across his face. “I guess she takes after her mother.”
Ellie felt her cheeks burn.
After supper, she let the kids play for a while, then plopped them one at a time into the tub. Rather than sitting in the living room and keeping his distance, Jesse helped, entertaining whichever child was in the tub with tub toys, tossing rings onto the floating octopus’ tentacles, pouring water through pipes of the waterworks set, and ensuring that neither child wanted to come out of the tub when it was time.
“I think you like those toys more than they do.” Ellie lifted a protesting Daniel out of the water. “Should I bring them with me tomorrow night?”
He chuckled, plucked Daniel out of her arms, and turned him into an airplane for the short journey to his bedroom. “Vrooom!”
“For a guy who’s not good with kids, you’re really good with kids.”
“Thanks.” His gaze met hers, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “File that under ‘Things I never thought I’d hear a woman say.’”
Jesse read them bedtime stories, the sight of him holding Daisy and Daniel on his lap and reading Dr. Seuss making Ellie’s heart squish. He might not have planned to be a father, but she had no trouble imagining him in that role.
When the kids were finally asleep, Ellie and Jesse sank onto the sofa together, facing one another. For a moment, they sat in silence, their fingers twining, the contact somehow reassuring.
He spoke first. “Ellie, I … I’m sorry about last night. I’ve never done that before.”
“It’s okay, Jesse. When I said you were safe with me, I meant it. I don’t think any less of you because of it. Tears are not a sign of weakness in a man.”
The hard set of his jaw told her that he couldn’t buy that.
“I saw my therapist today. Well, she’s not really my therapist. She’s the Team’s therapist, but I’ve been seeing her off and on since …”
“I’m glad.” Ellie was relieved. “I think anyone who’d been through what you went through that day would be facing some post-traumatic stress. I said it takes courage to face your emotions. It takes even more courage to get help.”
“I’m damaged goods, Ellie. Are you sure you want this in your life?”