I stand up on shaking legs, swing a leg over his hips and start to straighten my dress.
After putting ourselves to rights, we exit the bathroom. Footsteps shuffle on the other side of the door.
“Someone is coming,” I sign quickly. The door opens before he can reply. Mr. Taylor waddles in, his gaze darts between Cole, who has somehow managed to get to the other side of the room, and me. His hands are shoved inside his pocket and his face unreadable.
“Everything okay?” My Taylor asks me, just as the same guard who brought Cole strides in, heading for him.
I nod, but my eyes are on my boyfriend. We don’t have time to say goodbye properly. The guard jerks his chin toward the door. Cole winks at me and mouths ‘I love you’.
“See you soon,” I sign. “I love you with everything I am.”
I don’t tell him how worried I am.
He doesn’t mention it either.
I pray under my breath that everything will be okay.
THANKSGIVING WEEKEND ARRIVES. MY PERIOD should have begun two days ago, but it didn’t. I decided to wait a few days before I took the next step.
Now, dread is filling every part of me as I stare at the white stick in my hand. The third pregnancy test I have done in the past thirty minutes. My pulse is racing madly. I take several deep breaths to keep the panic at bay. I need to think.
I grab my phone from the night stand and call Megs, but then I realize that she and Simon made plans to go camping. There is a chance she won’t be able to get to my calls until they drive back to Willow Hill.
I walk to the window, fighting the urge to cry and stare outside. What the hell am I going to do? God, what a mess.
I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. Cole will be here in a few weeks. I’m twenty-years old, I don’t have a job. I’m a recovering cutter and I’m not even sure if my mind is in the right place right now. My mom is practically a zombie. My sisters still need me.
Oh God.
I drop my head in my hands and whisper over and over that I’m strong. I can handle this.
The sound of a car pulling to a stop outside my window startles me and I lift my head. I watch as Josh leaves his car with a girl trailing behind him, giggling. They head toward the front door, open it and disappear inside the house.
I stand there, my eyes stuck on that door. I need to talk to someone before I go mad. I leave my room and head down the stairs.
Two minutes later, I’m standing in front of Cole’s house, ringing the bell.
“Can I talk to you?” I ask as soon as Josh answers the door. Laughter and voices fill the air from somewhere behind Josh and my heart aches at those sounds. I wish my family was as happy as Josh’s. You’d think that Thanksgiving would brighten things up in my house.
Josh eyes me for a few seconds, his usual wide, cheery smile fading. “You okay?”
Unable to hold his gaze, I drop mine to the ground and shake my head. “Just, please. . .” My voice shakes and I have to stop talking. I need to be strong to talk to Josh. I brace myself for his reaction after I deliver the news.
Clearing my throat, I raise my head and face him again.
He darts a look over his shoulder, then steps onto the porch, closing the door behind him. Walking ahead of me, he heads toward the swing on the porch but stops when he notices I’m not following him.
“Not good?” he asks, jerking his head to the swing. When I shake my head, he retraces his steps back to where I’m standing, hugging my waist.
“Let’s go for a walk.” My voice is strong, despite the fear devastating every trace of who I am. But that fear fuels my decision.
I straighten and lead the way down the path and out of the gate. I see him shove his hands in his pants from the corner of my eye, see him spare a glance my way.
When we reach the fenced playground that Elon loves, I bypass the swings in favor of the bench. I’m not feeling queasy anymore. The ginger ale seems to help the nausea.
Josh sits next to me, stretches his long legs and tucks his hands inside the pockets of his hoodie. He doesn’t say anything, just sits there and seems to wait for me.
I take deep, long breaths, willing my heart to calm down. Wipe my palms down my pants and lean back on the bench.
“I’m pregnant.”
Silence. It stretches for long seconds.
Did he hear what I said?
I shift on the bench and directly face him. “I’m pregnant, Josh. You are the first person I’ve told.”
He stares at me incredulously. “How? Are you—Do you have another boyfriend? Is that why you’re coming to tell me this?”
I shake my head quickly. “No! No, no. Josh. It’s Cole’s baby.”
He snorts. “Cole is in prison. Unless his dick somehow got to your—”
“Ugh, Josh. Stop. Please stop.” I take a deep breath and tell him about my meeting with his brother.
He pulls his hands from his pockets, leans forward and props his elbows on his thighs. He looks at me, his eyebrows dipping low. “Does my brother know?” he asks quietly.
My eyes prickle with tears. Tears I’ve tried hard not to let fall. “No.”