“I kinda did.”
“Sucker. How about I sell you the Verrazano Bridge or the Eiffel Tower?”
Ben is the kind of person who can put aside the way Shelby betrayed him in a time of sorrow. By now, Shelby knows she was an idiot to dump him. Ben could say I told you so, but he doesn’t. They can almost act as if they were friends. Maybe he’s been her angel all along.
“Are you leaving me postcards?” she asks.
“Postcards?”
“With advice. Suggestions for life.”
“Nope. You never listened to my advice,” Ben says. “I hope whoever it is doing it is faring better than I did.”
There are very few cars on the road and it’s slippery, but Ben doesn’t mind driving. Shelby has yet to drive in the snow. She’s afraid of flashbacks. The sound of Helene hitting the windshield. The broken charm bracelet. How Shelby howled and couldn’t get up off the ice. She’s afraid of ruining someone else’s life. She wonders if there’s some sort of poisonous antibody in her blood that hurts anyone she’s close to. Maybe she should live on an island, like lepers were made to do. Ben says he doesn’t mind going back to the cemetery so that Buddy can say good-bye. Shelby thinks that’s the dog’s problem, the reason he’s so quiet and depressed. He wasn’t at the funeral, so he doesn’t know where his beloved owner is. Maybe he thinks she’s coming back.
They park on a side road. Ben climbs over the fence first. Shelby hands Buddy to him, then scrambles over.
“How are we supposed to find it?” Ben asks.
“There was an angel nearby.”
Ben laughs. “This place is filled with angels. Maybe one of them is sending you messages.”
“I’m not crazy,” Shelby says.
“I know that.” Ben looks at her, hard. “I’m the one who told you that.”
They walk on, Shelby carrying Buddy. They actually have to trudge.
“There are more dead people in the world than there are alive people,” Ben says. “I never realized that before.”
“Is that supposed to be comforting?” Shelby asks.
Shelby’s mom had told her months ago that Ben had a great job; he makes over a hundred thousand a year. Still, it’s a surprise when he informs Shelby that he’s bought a house out here, in Dix Hills.
“You’re moving back?” When they were young they couldn’t wait to get out of town; it was all they talked about.
The snow is shin-deep, and Shelby has to blink in order to see.
“Yeah, well, I’m getting married,” Ben says. “That’s what the new house is all about. She’s a pharmacist, too.”
“Aha,” Shelby says. Her heart has dropped. She just keeps breathing.
They walk on. Ben is obviously waiting for more of a response. He doesn’t get it.
“Is that all you have to say?”
“Congratulations?” Shelby tries.
What is she supposed to do? Tell him she ruined their relationship like she ruined everything else and she doesn’t wish him luck for a single second even though he’s walking with her through a cemetery in a snowstorm?
“What’s she like?” Shelby says, hoping her jealousy doesn’t rise through her skin in green puffs.
“Her name is Ana. Her family is from Cuba, but she grew up in Northport. We met at a conference and it turned out we had mutual friends.”
Shelby didn’t know Ben had friends. She doesn’t. Only Maravelle. She can’t imagine who else would put up with her.
Now that Ben has started talking about his intended he can’t seem to stop. He has a dreamy expression. “She has long black hair. She calls me Benny.”
“Great,” Shelby says. “Perfect. Don’t tell me any more. Okay?”
“Sorry,” Ben says. “I didn’t think you’d care.”
Shelby walks faster. She’s afraid she’s crossing over graves because it’s impossible to tell where the paths end under all the snow. Finally there is the angel near her mother’s grave site; Shelby is sure of it. Her wings are feathered stone. It’s hard to tell where the fresh graves are because of the new cover of snow, but Shelby finds the spot.
“You’ve got a natural sense of direction,” Ben says.
“Is that supposed to make me feel better? And did you have to tell me how beautiful Ana was?”
“I wanted to tell you I was getting married before someone else did. And I didn’t say she was beautiful.”
But Shelby can tell from Ben’s tone that she is. He just doesn’t want to wound Shelby any more than he already has with another woman’s beauty. The dog starts to whimper, so Shelby puts him down in the snow.
“Here you are,” Shelby tells Buddy. “So now you know, she’s not coming back. Not if you wait for a hundred years. She’s left you and you’re all alone, so get used to it.”
Buddy stands there shivering.
Shelby doesn’t even know she’s crying until Ben puts his arms around her. “I’m sorry,” he says. “Shelby.”