“Until we can find her a safer hideaway or until this is all over.”
“Fine. Let me talk to my uncle. Is she ready?”
“My men have her on standby. She should arrive in a couple of weeks.”
“Fine.”
I turned on my heel and left him standing alone in the parking lot. Lunch had just ended when I entered the building, and I knew Monroe would be looking for me soon. She never admitted it out loud, but she was always on the lookout for me. I wondered if it was only fear that still drove her to search me out. Whatever it was, something told me she wasn’t running anymore.
*
I missed Monroe after lunch. Two classes later, I trudged into last period after class had already begun. Mr. Lawson looked down his too long nose at me as I entered the classroom.
“Mr. Masters, it’s great to have you back, but please try to be on time. Tardiness will not be tolerated.”
Bite me.
A smile spread my lips when I repeated Monroe’s favorite expression. She was already rubbing off on me in ways I never would have imagined. I nodded in his direction and took my usual seat.
Monroe was back to sitting in the front again with Willow and Sheldon flanking her. Her back stiffened at the sound of my name, but she didn’t turn around. She wouldn’t dare.
I wanted nothing more than to grab her up and keep her close, but I wasn’t allowed to approach her. I wasn’t keen on obeying some piece of paper they called an order of protection, but I wasn’t stupid either. I also had to admit it pleased me she had someone to look out for her. Five months ago, and even long before that, I would have tried to do anything in my power to take away her security and protection. I wanted to keep her isolated because then I could better control her. Now I was more than grateful that she was never alone. As much as I hated it, I couldn’t always be around. There was no way in hell I would ever let her know everything I did now was to protect her. She already wanted more and had no problem demanding it. I smiled again even though my blood boiled when I thought about her little so-called threat. Jealously apparently was a trait none of us could escape. I really did mean it when I said I would kill her before I let anyone else have her. It was the very reason why I was no good for her. The days of my bullying her were long gone, but I was still the same person who pushed her off those monkey bars, and even more tragically, I was still the same person they trained me to be. It wasn’t until her I realized how fucked I really was and how my life before was so much worse than I could have imagined. People like her had it good. They never suffered or did a bad thing.
I felt some of the familiar anger from before rear its ugly head. The teacher’s lecture faded into the background until I could no longer hear him at all. I developed tunnel vision. Blood rushed to my head. All I could see was her. She could still make me feel that black part of me. The self-loathing, the violence, the hatred… the pain.
I didn’t even begin to fucking understand.
All I knew was that I blamed her.
Her innocence was the key.
Lily was the catalyst.
My mission for the past ten years, and especially these last five months, had been to break her. Make her tick. To see how long before she became just like the rest of the world.
I wanted to see her save herself. Damn her aunt and best friend just so she could be free from me.
It’s what I had to do. I had to sell my soul for a warm blanket and maybe even more than scraps to eat. And if I performed really well, I could even forego my daily whipping.
“It keeps you tough,” Frank would always say. To him, a beating would make my skin tougher so I could kill easier. The night I took Monroe’s virginity, she told me she’d grown a thick skin because of my torments. I don’t know why it made me so angry. If she hadn’t have said so, I might have stopped. I might have checked my anger in time to merely scare her and leave.